If your girlfriend or wife picks up a romance novel in the book store, you see her reading one, or one lying by the night stand, or (worse yet) there is a stack of them on the book shelf- stop what you are doing and figure out how to win back your woman, because whether you realize it or not, you are starting to lose her.
Here is a fundamental truth: The only women who read romance novels- are the ones who feel they are suffering from a lack of romance in their own lives.
A woman won't tell you, but she wants to feel the surging of excitement and love and longing and passion… with you, that she did when you first met. If she's not getting that from you, she'll substitute it with the feelings romance novels evoke. For now.
Maybe even, that will be enough to keep her from straying the entire time you're together. But then again, maybe it's not. Why risk it?
Eventually, the perfection of the guys in the books she's reading (much like the perfection of the girls you're looking at in Playboy magazines) will start to redefine how she sees you…and trust me…you do NOT want that to happen.
Don't call her on the romance novels. That would work about as well as her confronting you with a Hustler magazine and demanding you quit looking at it. You have to be more sly and cunning than that. The goal is to make her throw her "trashy novels" away without your ever having said a word to her about the fact that you've noticed she owns one!
If you want to keep her, and keep her in love with you, some time when you're both reasonably happy, sit down with her and tell her you want to do more things together. Be prepared for her to be shocked. Maybe you really don't want to, but if it translates into your getting (happily!) laid more often, and having a more loving, satisfied woman- then maybe you do. Women have ways of rewarding men they adore. That can only mean good things for you.
Come up some activities you can do together. Active things. I'm not talking about dinners or movies, although those might be nice from time to time too. But you need to get her blood going, she needs to get an adrenaline rush while you two are together.
A roller coaster ride, a motor cycle ride, partners for gym memberships, a music concert, a bike ride, a jog, roller skating, sky diving, four wheeling, go karts, skiing, surfing, dance lessons…something, anything that gets your blood pumping together, that doesn't involve sex.
Maybe you need to pay a little more attention to what you're offering her. Do you brush your teeth or chew some gum before kissing her? Do you leave the toilet seat up with pee in the toilet? Do you bother to dress nicely to spend time with her?
Surprise her with flowers, even a single flower- or better yet, potted flowers so they'll last longer. Surprise her with a note. It can be a simple thing, saying you've been thinking about her, or you think she's great, thank her for something she did for you or remind her of some quality of hers you really appreciate. Give her a hug when you normally just say hello or good bye. Ask her what turns her on, and accept whatever answer she gives you, even if it makes no sense to you.
Find out the order of her love languages and start using them!
To steal a line from Jerry McGuire, "Help her, help you". Give to her, so she'll want to give to you.
A woman who feels loved will go out of her way to do generous things for you. She'll feel more comfortable trying new things with you, she feel more spontaneous with sex, she dress sexier for you and start to make changes to her lifestyle to look more appealing to you. When she feels motivated to encourage the attention you're suddenly giving her, she'll pay more attention to how she looks and feel more sexy.
The BEST thing you can do for your woman is help her feel sexy.
Sexy is different than loved. Her mother loves her. The children love her. The family dog loves her. A limp, wet rag could feel loved. But a women who feels sexy… is radiant! She's ignited with enthusiasm, energy, self worth and sensual power. She wants to fulfill her potential as a female goddess… and enjoy the thrilling sense of rapture and titillating satisfaction in her ability to capture and hold your attention and admiration, and most of all- to have you look at her the way you once did- completely caught up in her eyes.
The first flush of romance inevitably changes into a different kind of familiarity that comes from learning each other's flaws, peeing in front of each other and waking up to morning breath. But you can still awake a feeling that you are lucky to be with each other, that you inspire each other, and you genuinely enjoy being around this person.
And imagine your own satisfaction of overcoming the challenge, of accomplishing the mission- when you no longer see her reading or collecting romance novels which are poor substitutes for a loving heart and warm body…
When she lights up if you walk in the room, she crosses her fingers it will be you on the phone, and those books about other people living an unrealistic fantasy she longs for- are tossed into the garbage can… because she fills sexy and fulfilled in her relationship with YOU.
[MySpace Posted Saturday, May 3, 2008]