Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Inspiration of a Good Book

For the first time in a long, long time, I feel really motivated. I mean really motivated. I'm excited. Quoting my 5-year-old daughter Vanessa who has a way of saying "my brain told me this…" or "my brain feels like…" My brain feels alive.

I guess what that really means is for the first time in a very long while- without the involvement of getting new "stuff", or needing another person (like my ex-husband Andrew and the dating we did) to entertain me- I feel an anticipation for not just the future, but the immediate future. I feel "this is a good time to be alive. I have a lot to look forward to. " It's a sensation I haven't felt in a while. It makes all the difference.

Instead of feeling like my life is a loop of day in and day out drudge, living for a sporadic event or occasion, I feel like every day could be that special event. It puts more purpose in my life. I feel like I know what I want, I know how to get it and I have the means and motivation to get there. Nothing else in the world feels quite like that. I believe it was that year that I met (now my ex) Andrew- that I determined what "maturity" really is: Knowing what you want. Knowing how to go about getting it; and having the means and the fortitude to get yourself there.

I've always known it, but while busy-ness may stress me out, without it, I fall into a depression. I need a bright horizon. I need change and improvement and at least semi-constant sense of progress and accomplishment. I can't stand to feel like I'm spinning my wheels. And while I may also need support to keep me going and someone who can push me even if I don't feel like being pushed, if I have a goal, if I have a purpose, every other aspect of my life suddenly brightens. I miraculously feel more motivated to do everything better, faster, and with more enthusiasm, then when there are only a handful of redundant tasks and nothing new, important.

But back to my thrilling.

I'm really excited. For the last few days I've been reading a few books, including "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" and even though I'm only less than halfway into the book I already feel motivated to make a bunch of changes- improvements- to my life. It's interesting that the book is not just about money and how you make, spend and save it- it's actually a whole different perspective on everything in life.

As I feel when reading any highly motivating book, I feel like I've been asleep and I'm waking up. I've suddenly got dreams to fulfill and plans to make. Most of those are goal oriented. I have a lot of ideas generating and it's really exciting. I think my goals are realistic- yet they'll provide some challenges. I want to embrace the whole world. I want to fill in my calendar, step up my life; snip and trim and manicure my habits and purpose. I know I'm capable of greatness. I know I can do things I've never done before and realize potential that's been simmering around in me- exhibiting its frustration in myriad ways.

I've always felt like there have been huge gaps in my life where I was just sitting around waiting for something- anything- important for me to do. And there were times when I felt I was doing something of magnitude. I'm feeling that way again and I'm excited about my plans, humble though they may seem to some, eccentric to others or too ambitious to a few... they are mine.
[MySpace Posted Wednesday, May 30, 2007]

No comments: