Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Parenting That Raises Failure Children

Imagine what kind of wives and mothers these girl will grow up to be!!!

But it's not just the girls who are unbelievable!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Why Twilight Is HOT

The idea of a vampire falling in love with a human was a pretty novel idea when Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight book came out. And it’s been the inspiration for knock offs and parodies alike. But it’s also been wildly successful in its own right. And ‘why?’ has been a source of bafflement to many people, mostly men.

Allow me to explain.

While adding supernatural powers and mythical creatures was part of the genius as a recipe for success…the true reason the books and movies are so compelling is because of the passionate love story.

1. The hero and heroine are young, healthy and beautiful.

Many people look back on their late teens and reminisce about the way it felt to be fresh, optimistic and mostly effortlessly healthy and fit. Before the struggles of life, the stress and frustrations of failures and tragedies started wearing away at their ambitions and dreams and causing wrinkles, age spots, hair loss or discolorations and weak aging bodies.

It’s a fairly common belief for those who believe in a life after death that they’ll return to the physical and mental state of their own personal “prime”, which is for most people their late teens, early twenties. Edward and Bella are at their “prime” and the readers and viewers older than that enjoy suspending belief that they are back in their prime as well.

Even if they’re endowed with additional powers, the fact that the lead male and female are physically attractive adds to the appeal. The actor Robert Pattinson is a fairly good looking guy, but he cannot do justice to the description in the book where “Edward” is described as breathtakingly gorgeous and practically the epitome of physical perfection. “Bella” is supposed to be somewhat average looking so the readers can at least try to relate to how an ordinary girl would feel extraordinary for being not just wanted but 'desperately wanted' by someone who is supposedly far out of her league.

Kristen Stewart does an excellent job of coming across as lacking self-assurance and being sweetly vulnerable but still being stubbornly determined to seduce the man she loves. There is of course the fact that in addition to being more physically attractive than she gives herself credit for, the character “Bella” has abilities and skills she later realizes that makes her Edward’s equal and balanced counterpart, a concept that is very important for the sensibilities of a post-feminist-movement generation.

2. The chemistry between the hero and heroine is intensely magnetic.
One of the most amazing things in life is the sensations associated with being in love. The chemicals released when a person is in the glow of infatuation is possibly the most powerful natural drug. “Walking on air”, “Being on top of the world”, “Feeling invincible” are some of the clichés that have come from this blissful state of adoring and feeling loved, accepted and wanted. Edward and Bella accept each other as they are, with all the craziness that entails. It is the same “loving beyond sanity and reason” that makes other famous love stories like Jane Austin’s “Pride and Prejudice” and Emily Bronte’s “Wuthering Heights” and Nicholas Spark's "The Notebook" so compelling and beloved.

3. Beyond physical attractiveness, the hero and heroine embody highly desirable relationship characteristics like devotion, trust and selflessness.

There has been much joking about the fact that Edward wants to kill and eat Bella but Bella without logic trusts him not to. I read a very good review in “Bitch” magazine that came out right after the release of the movie version of “Twilight”. It raised some good points about how it’s somewhat animalistic that the story depicts the male as the predator and the female his hapless victim that he simply chooses to have mercy on. And that her chastity is always in his hands and his for the taking if and whenever he wants it.

The fact is though on the flip side, most women want a loving relationship with someone they trust, someone who will defend them and someone who not only has enough self control, but loves them enough that they would never, could never cause them physical harm. Most women go their entire lives wondering if the man they’re with is that way or if they will find a man who is that self-less and devoted to them. The character Bella has solid proof of that level of trust and devotion by the very fact that he restrains himself from the very beginning and never gives in to his selfish wants above carefully protecting her.

It’s true that humans are a kind of animal, and in most species of living creatures the males are larger, more powerful and use those features to protect and provide for their chosen mate and their offspring. This is a very natural and biologically pleasing thing. By virtue of the fact that since Edward is far more powerful (and therefore more potentially dangerous) than normal human males, he immediately and solidly proves his level of devotion, trust and selflessness by simply never taking advantage of his obvious desire for her or his unstoppable ability to overpower her any which way he wants. THAT is a very sexy thing to a women.

4. The sex appeal is strong but the love is stronger.
For a man to desperately want a woman but to love her enough to exhibit obvious self-control and selflessness for her happiness and well-being is at the root of every woman's fantasy and romance novel.

Women want to be desired by a man with a passionate frenzy that displays itself in day to day forms of thoughtful help and loving gestures. Incredible sex is important to most women, but they need to see and feel evidence of loving commitment through words and actions before they open themselves sexually to a man. Because Edward made Bella feel so loved, protected and cared about, she practically threw herself at him sexually. There’s nothing like a woman wrapped in the emotional hot blanket of ‘loving relationship security’ to have the confidence and urge to unfurl like a nectar laden flower begging to be sampled and pollinated.

While men may not understand the appeal of a teenage love story, women (and some men) all over the nation (and world possibly) are vicariously living through Edward and Bella their fantasy if being young, strong, beautiful and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that their lover is powerful, trustworthy, sexy and crazy in love with them.

Men who make fun of the Twilight story and scorn how enamored women are with it, are not just jeering at an unrealistic story about a mythical creature choosing a mortal mate. They’re making fun of every woman’s burning need to feel powerful and yet desperately needed and wanted in a devoted relationship.

Just thought you should know.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

You Don't Want More

While driving a few days ago and stuck at a red light, I noticed the sign outside the local McDonalds read:

Make it Large,
Get Free Pie

I was pretty stunned. REaLly? Aren’t you getting enough food as it is?

Hamburger :250
Small French Fries :230
w/out ketchup
small cola drink :110
= 590

A Double Quarter Pounder w/ Cheese : 740
Large French Fries : 500
w/ 1 packet of ketchup : 15
Large cola drink : 310
= 1,700

A large meal is almost an entire day’s worth of calories for an adult male. (suggestion of 2,000 per day, which is really WAY too much for anyone who isn’t an athlete, body builder, construction worker/ manual laborer or who isn’t at least 6’2 tall and active most of the day!)

Large McDonald meal 1,700
free apple pie + 250
= 1,950

Or basically 12 seconds of eating something "free" equals = 20 minutes sprinting on a treadmill or 1 hour brisk walking just to burn off the free pie. Gee, thanks!

America is bulging at the seams.
TWO out of every THREE adults in America is obese.

NOT fat, but Obese.

30% of the population under 18 is obese too.

Obesity as defined by the National Institutes of Health (the NIH) is a person who has a BMI of 30 and above. (A BMI of 30 is about 30 pounds overweight.)

So what exactly does 30 pounds look like?
An entire 30 lb. turkey (includes bones).
30 lb. weight lifting ball
30 lb. adolescent pit bull mix
30 lbs of dirt
30 lbs of nails
WHO in their right mind would want to lug around any of that all day, all night 24/7, 365????

According to this site:

USA Obesity Rates Reach Epidemic Proportions
• 58 Million Overweight; 40 Million Obese; 3 Million morbidly Obese
• Eight out of 10 over 25's Overweight
• 78% of American's not meeting basic activity level recommendations
• 25% completely Sedentary
• 76% increase in Type II diabetes in adults 30-40 yrs old since 1990

Obesity Related Diseases

• 80% of type II diabetes related to obesity
• 70% of Cardiovascular disease related to obesity
• 42% breast and colon cancer diagnosed among obese individuals
• 30% of gall bladder surgery related to obesity
• 26% of obese people having high blood pressure
Childhood Obesity Running Out of Control
• 4% overweight 1982 | 16% overweight 1994
• 25% of all white children overweight 2001
• 33% African American and Hispanic children overweight 2001
• Hospital costs associated with childhood obesity rising from $35 Million (1979) to $127 Million (1999)

Childhood Metabolic and Heart Risks
• New study suggests one in four overweight children is already showing early signs of type II diabetes (impaired glucose intolerance)
• 60% already have one risk factor for heart disease
Surge in Childhood Diabetes
• Between 8% - 45% of newly diagnosed cases of childhood diabetes are type II, associated with obesity.
• Whereas 4% of Childhood diabetes was type II in 1990, that number has risen to approximately 20%
• Depending on the age group (Type II most frequent 10-19 group) and the racial/ethnic mix of group stated
• Of Children diagnosed with Type II diabetes, 85% are obese
SOURCE: Wellness International Network Ltd -

So…thanks anyway. McDonalds can keep their large meal AND their free pie.

If you want to really live this one shot you have at life...
You don’t want more.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

What The Music You Like Says About You

Unlike some of my blogs which come at topics almost sideways, this one is about as obvious as the nose on your face.

Monday, March 22, 2010

The ACORN Finally Cracked

If the lack of funding didn't do it, the scandals, federal blacklisting and fraud allegations did.

Souping Up Smart

There are billions of ways to blow money. There are millions of ways to waste your time and energy. But both are incredibly bad ideas.

You can have nice stuff without breaking the bank. You can have projects without devoting your entire life to them. You just have to be smart about it.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Is THAT All You Got?

It might be odd to suggest something honestly worthwhile can be learned from a fairy tale princess cartoon, but I'm gonna say that a LOT of guys could learn something from The Swan Princess story.

Two young royal children are brought together every summer by their parents in hopes they will grow up to fall in love, marry and unite the kingdoms. Princess Odette demonstrates over their adolescence that she is proficient at many things but as she and Prince Derek go through their awkward growth stages, they genuinely don’t care for each other or their parent’s matchmaking.

One summer however just as they’ve reach full physical maturity, they meet for the summer and discover they’re very attracted to each other. Without so much as having a conversation with her Prince Derek was so stunned by her beauty that he quickly announces "Prepare the wedding!" Princess Odette questions his sudden change of heart toward her. “Well, you’re beautiful!” he announces almost giddy.

“What else?” Princess Odette wants evidence that he genuine likes HER and not just her looks.

“What else is there?” Was Prince Derek’s confused reply. Their parents and entire royal entourage groan. Completely the wrong answer. Princess Odette calls off the wedding, refusing to just be a trophy wife. Prince Derek needs to grow up before he’s proven he will value all she is and has to offer.

It’s been said that: “A man falls in love with his eyes, and a woman falls in love with her mind.” But I'd like to think that that is just maybe their primary source of chemical attraction and not why they fall in love.

It is undeniable that men are visual creatures. Everything from men’s comic books to guy magazines and instruction paperwork tend to be heavy on photos and artwork and skimp on actual words.

It’s is not to say that men are so shallow they don’t care about a woman having anything more than a pretty face, a nice set of tits, a thin waist and a plump ass. But well…that would probably satisfy many of them for a lot longer than they would want to admit.

Visual cues are important for mating and reproduction. But there has to be more than that.

“youre very beautiful, and you have a great body. would like to get to know better...”

“Just saw your recently posted picture. Now I definitely want to meet you!”

These are just a few of the short emails that I’ve gotten recently from guys writing to express interest in me.

It’s true that I like getting compliments on my looks and figure as much as anyone. I work hard to stay attractive and I like that it’s noticed and appreciated. But while those might be qualities that attracts guys to me, guys who notice something beyond that, are those who attract my attention.

After a solid hour of lifting and stretching at the gym the other day, I paused to take a sip from my bottled water and consider which muscle group to work next. My work out usually last 1 ½ hours per session and I typically work out a minimum of three days a week, depending on my schedule.

Some of the things I’d already done that day: warm up walk/ran for 20 minutes, done 40 leg lifts, used the 15 lb free weights for 50 reps, did 40 decline pushups and 400 incline sit- ups with various stretching between.

I’d just decided I was ready to do 3 sets of 5 reps at 95 lbs on the bench press when a reasonably attractive, fit guy I’d noticed came up to me. He seemed like a fairly confident guy and I was curious what his line would be.

“Hey…I just gotta say…you’re very beautiful”.

I couldn’t help it. I think my face registered disappointment that it wasn’t an observation about my pushing myself with my work out or even a question about what kind of music I was listening to on my I-pod. I honestly would have preferred if he’d made a joke about how I had my car key tied into my shoelace.

Any time a guy starts an opening line with a remark about a girl’s physical appearance anything he says afterwards is just going to sound like he’s trying to ‘close the deal’.

Although I thanked him for the compliment, he could tell I wasn’t that impressed.

“I’m just a guy” he followed up with, shrugging his shoulders, “I hope you don’t hold it against me.”

I didn’t. But I couldn’t help but think that with a comment like that, even if I HAD been knocked over by it, there was nowhere for me to go with his opening statement.

If you’re going to get up the courage to approach a girl, at least say something that allows her to have a response. Or better yet, say something that is funny, clever or even a movie cliché.

“So… come here often?” would have at least made me chuckle and from there we could have talked about our fitness routines and favorite physical activities since we *were* at a gym.

But instead he made an unoriginal comment about my looks. And from there we both went back to our workouts and I wasn’t really interested in talking with him further. And it’s a shame. I had been ready to find out if he was more than just a nice set of biceps and glutes.

But I mean, seriously? You like the way I look? Is that all you got?

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Don't Pee In The Water

If your first thought was this is a blog about peeing in swimming'd be wrong! That would be way too obvious. (And not nearly thoughtful {or odd} enough.)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Man Who Wrote A Really Large Check

So far, (as a friend of mine pointed out) this is Obama's legacy.

Incurring an obscene amount of national debt is the only thing Obama has successfully done in his first year as president.
I don't think there will be enough *change* left once he's done "redistributing the wealth" to make any real positive influence.

Super (Sexual) Women

Women seem to fall into three categories.

Low-sexual, Sexual and Abnormally Sexual.

Low-sexual women are the average. They can be a lot of talk and show especially when they’re still in their teens or early twenties, but they’re really not a lot of action. Or at least, regular action. Their idea of a satisfying sexual relationship can be anywhere from a couple times a month to a couple times a week. Max.

This frequency usually takes a huge nose dive after they’re past their mid twenties, had children or gotten married. They go from the coy or shy teenager, to the teasing twenties to fairly disinterested past the age of 30.

These women were probably never really comfortable with their sexuality. They don’t really feel comfortable with a male’s body and the older (busier and often fatter) they get the less they feel sex should matter in life, in a relationship, and for their partner.

These women make up the larger portion of the female population and are what make men reluctant (aka: dread like an appendage amputation) to take wedding vows.

For Low-sexual women having sex is something naughty to try when they’re young, something they do only because they’re badgered to by the man in their life, as a way secure a wedding ring or to have a baby. Or maybe it comes with other perks or presents. But basically it’s a means to an end. They don’t do it because they genuinely enjoy it. They don't *love* it.

Vanilla sex is as good as it’s gonna get with them. Everything and anything else is too dirty, “morally wrong” or against their religion.

Abnormally sexual women are sometimes confused with sexual women but there are several major differences. Sex is a compulsive, erratic thing for Abnormally Sexual Women. They are textbook nymphomaniacs. Interestingly, the word is used only to describe women who are hyper sexual. These women are described as being “addicted” to sex and tend to not care who they’re shagging as long as they’re getting it. These women may or may not be “freaks” (into really kinky sex).

Maybe they just want a LOT of sex and frequently. They may not actually have any “skills”, it’s just that they don’t ever get satisfied with sex. Abnormally sexual women have a medical condition, a mental disorder or were raped or molested at some point in their lives. For them the urge for sex is more about a mental/ emotional issue, or a biological imbalance.

Then there are Sexual women. Unlike Abnormal women, they were simply born with high sex drives. They genuinely enjoy sex. For them it’s as much as part of their daily life as say eating. Some people go a day or two without eating, but if you had a choice why would you?

Sexual women are not much different then a sexual guy. They know what they have because they found it fairly early in their adolescence. They know how to use what they have because they’ve been fine tuning those skills ever since. And they are quite comfortable with the male anatomy and they enjoy it the way men enjoy women's bodies.

Sexual women make up a very small percentage of the female population. They have the total package of skill, desire and looks. They haven’t been created by bad childhood trauma, they don’t have a mental or chemical imbalance and they’re not compulsive. They are quite discriminating about who they’ll be with, and generally speaking they’re really good at what they do. Really good. Because sex is something they love and it’s as much as part of them as the blazing colors across the sky are part of a sunset.

For them vanilla is just a starter flavor like at Cold Stone Creamery. It’s not just plain frigid cream in a paper bowl. It’s a delectable concoction of tasty surprises and mind blowing sensations served in a chocolate hand dipped waffle cone.

These are the women that make up men’s fantasies.

The fact is though, being one of these women is often very far from being a fantasy.

The hardest problem for a Sexual Woman is finding a man who can keep up. Seriously.

Young super sexual women tend to seek out (and are swooped up) by older men with skills and finesse. As the sexual women mature, they find they’re more compatible with younger men who have the fitness level and stamina that older men lack.

You could say the sexual woman in her prime has outgrown her male peers and seniors. From that point on, it’s a challenge to find a younger man with enough sophistication and maturity yet either natural ability or teachablilty.

Willingness to forfeit sleep, adventurous enough to push the sexual envelope and confident enough to be assertive with these sumptuous and vivacious creatures are highly desirable qualities for a sexual woman’s playmates or marriage partners.

The sexual appetite of these women frequently mirrors that of an adolescent boy. It’s strong. It’s willful. And it’s a delightful thing of beauty.

That is...IF she has a partner. Otherwise the restless lack of regular satisfaction seeps out of her pores like a fragrant yet rousing perfume. Which is somehow tangible in even their photographs.

What's not surprising is when doing a Google of super sexual women, two females consistently rank number 1.

Angelina Jolie
and Marilyn Monroe.

What might be a little surprising is they're both Geminis.

And I would know. Angelina Jolie and I share a birth date (just different year).

Apparently it's a good time to be born if your a Super (Sexual) Woman.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Summer Skinny, Winter Fatty

If it feels like it’s easier to put on weight in the winter and easier to lose pounds in the summer, you’re absolutely right; and there are good reasons for it.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Cover Me in Tattoos

While the picture is funny, there are a few things that tattoos "suggest" about a person.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Can't Fight The Compliment

The only thing that might be as bad as a person who can't give a compliment, is someone who can't take one.

Some people just don't know how to take a compliment.

"Wow, you're really talented!"

"Look at those muscles!"

"You're beautiful."

"You have an amazing smile."

It seems like these are things anyone would love to have someone say to them. But some people honestly don’t know the appropriate way to respond to something nice being said about them.

The worst thing to say? “Shut up. No I’m not.”

Why argue? Whether from embarrassment, real modesty or false modesty, some people respond to compliments by disagreeing. Agreeing may make them feel vain. Or they may feel as though they don’t deserve the praise. It may be a ploy to get the person to give additional compliments or say the compliment more forcefully.

What people need to realize is that by arguing over a kind statement, they’re making the person who paid the compliment feel bad. Or possibly even angry. It’s almost an insult to not accept a compliment. It’s as though you’re saying: “You’re wrong. I don’t trust your judgment. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re stupid to think and say that.”


If you wouldn’t really say that, then don’t fight the compliment either.

This isn’t one of those times you can just smile and nod though.

The best thing to say: “Thank you.”

An alternative that: “Thanks, that makes me feel good.”

Even better: “Wow! That’s the nicest thing I’ve heard in a long time.”

A few more suggestions:

“That’s incredibly kind of you to say.”

“I appreciate hearing that.”

“Well thanks, it takes one to know one!”

If the compliment just seems too extravagant to believe (“You’re the best _________I’ve ever met!”) then just make your response more extravagant too.

“That’s a really generous compliment.”

“You’re crazy if you think that, but I like your crazy.”

“Now you’re just trying to make me blush!”

The main thing is just to accept an act of generosity, with generosity.

Pretend you’re giving that compliment to someone else. What would you like to hear them say back? That’s what you should say.

Learning to accept compliments seldom happens overnight. It takes practice.

If you’re not someone who usually gets many compliments so you can practice accepting them, start giving more compliments. Then watch and listen how other people respond to them.

A rule of thumb about compliments is only say it if you really mean it. No one appreciates a fake compliment. It might take a moment to think of something to say about someone that you honestly like, but there is bound to be something you can say and truly mean.

But remember this:
An honest compliment never gets old to a person who is genuinely please to hear it and not so vain that they expect it.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Fight Fair Dammit

Studies have shown that one of the best indicators of whether a couple’s relationship will survive and thrive is how they fight and argue.

People who can calmly listen to the other person’s side of a discussion even when they don’t agree with them, are far more likely to have a lasting love life.

Couples who respect each other enough to fight fair have the ability to make the rest of their relationship more loving and happier in good times and bad.

There are few rules to fighting that should just go without saying. School yard politics and having siblings and best friends should teach people how to play nicely and fight fair. Unfortunately this isn’t always the case. So for those who failed in the playground, were unfortunate enough to not have siblings or best friends or who simply need a reminder, these are for you.

1. Keep your hands to yourself when angry.
It is never okay to strike someone when you’re having a verbal fight. Guys shouldn’t hit girls and girls shouldn’t hit guys. End of story. If the anger needs to exit your body in a physical way, strike something that either won’t hurt someone (including yourself), won’t cause property damage (especially if it’s not yours) and can be easily fixed or replaced (like pillows). If you have a trigger temper, don’t try to touch the other person at all. The chances of a temper flare turning into physical violence is text book “too easy”.

2. Threats are NOT okay.
Don’t throw out threats to damage a persons reputation, share personal content with someone else, cut them off from financial or emotional support or cause them, their personal property or loved ones harm. You won’t swing the vote in your direction or sway your partner’s opinion by threatening them. It will raise the stakes, but only against you. If you make a threat you can’t or aren’t prepared to back up, this will make you appear like a weak liar. If you can and do back up your threats you’ll either be an a-hole or a criminal (possibly both). There is no win here.

3. Keep it above the belt.
Don’t resort to cheap shots that are intended to wound just because you’re angry and the conversation isn’t going your way. Insults, name calling or pointing out sensitive flaws will only throw fuel on the fire of yet another fight.

4. Speak the truth.
If it’s not true when you’re not angry, then it’s not true when you are mad either. Don’t say things you don’t mean, or that are honestly not true just because you’re having a fight and emotions are running high. It’s not going to help your argument that you’re correct if you’re resorting to lying to get your way.

5. Keep the past in the past.

Dragging up irrelevant stuff from previous fights or four years ago isn’t going to help anything. It won’t change the past or the present. But it will definitely hurt the future. It’s a great way to drive a deeper wedge between you and your sweetheart. It could end the fights completely, but only because you’ll end up alone and never speaking again.

6. Leave other people out of the fight.
Friends, old loves, in-laws, children and pet Fido have no place in a fight unless the argument is specifically about them. Don't call them up to get a third opinion. Don't have them stand in to listen to the fight. Don't make comparisons to them. Saying stuff like “You’re just like your mom: A manipulative b#tch!” is plain wrong. Not only is that going to cost you later, it’s probably not really true (after all you’re with that person NOT their mom) and it’s going to leave a scar that time and all the flowers in the world won’t make go away.

7. Remember who you’re fighting with.
You might be angry enough with this person to spit nails. It’s possible you’ve even contemplating wringing their neck or ripping their leg off and beating them with it. But keep in mind this is STILL someone you love and care about. At the very least, they are someone who deserves honesty, respect and a fair fight even if it’s your last argument with them. Chances are though, you truly want them to be happy and their opinions matter to you or else you’d be walking out the door and not staying to argue with them. Treat them like you love them, even when you’re angry at them.

8. Remember why you’re fighting.
Stay focused. What is the goal of the argument? To change/ improve something? To get results? Or just to pass the time and stir up emotions? Arguments can be a productive way to share different opinions and see both sides of a perspective. But if it’s not a productive conversation because you’re not listening to each other or emotions are too strong, stop it and save the talk for another time.

9. Compromise more than you think you should.
Great relationships are about sharing yourself with others and bettering another person’s life by thoughtful gestures and through kind words and actions. The relationship is often worth the small sacrifices you make to appease them. As long as you’re not always the one to capitulate or the argument isn’t over something obvious like paying the mortgage vs. taking a vacation to Figi.

10. Make up afterwords.
Whether you arrive at a compromise, got your way or feel like you gave in to let the other person have their way, end the fight the same way you would in a ring. At the very least shake on it. The expression “kiss and make up” comes to mind. But at the end of the day you want to end on a happy note so don't let the bad feelings linger. Let it go. Forgive and forget and move on. Don't let a fight ruin a day, or a week. Days and weeks add up to valuable years of your life. It's just a waste of a perfectly good chance to being loving and happy.

Fighting dirty is a quick way to end a great relationship with everyone you care about. Follow the Golden Rule whether you're engaging in sweet talk or a heated debate. And remember, if you’re stooping to eye gouging and groin shots- you’re leaving yourself open to the same thing.

Being good (and kind) in an argument so you can have a happy lasting relationship is one statistic you want to be part of.

So, Fight fair. Always. It will ensure that people respect you, trust you and love you even if they don’t agree with you all the time. And respect, trust and love are worth whatever it takes to earn them. Every time.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Dating TAG! You're Not It!

Sometimes you’re not sure of exactly what you want. Chances are you’re hoping you’ll recognize it if you see it. Either way you know you want to find it someday and then be completely satisfied with it.

While those statements could apply to anything from buying a car to starting a career, I’m talking specifically about the love of your life. Or at least the love of a long time.

Aside from a sense that “this isn’t quite it” when they meet someone, most people have only a vague idea of what their ideal romantic partner will be like.

While it would be foolish to think you can “leave nothing to chance”, it would be helpful to at least narrow things down a bit.

It’s a pretty good bet that you’ve got a better idea of what you don’t want, and qualities you’re not interested in.

Like a violent temper. Vicious mood swings. A crack addiction. Major co-dependence issues. A collection of large poisonous pet spiders. Stuff like that.

Okay so maybe those are too obvious. But the fact is, process of elimination can help you better identify what you do want. And it wouldn’t hurt to make a list. Seriously.

After you figure out what you don't want, you can write the opposite of that down as things you do want. An example?
Don't Want: Someone who's unemployed with no high school diploma.
Do Want: Someone with a solid job history and at least some college education.

If you don't need to do the reverse list first to know what you do want, it's still a good idea to make a list of what you're looking for. Not necessarily a check-off list, but pretty dang close.

Identify 10 qualities that you do want that are non-negotiable.
As a female looking for a man, my list in no particularly order would look something like this:

1. Is clean from substance abuse: non-smoker/tobacco/drug user and little/no alcohol use
2. Is fit: less than 12% body fat, enjoys healthy food and has a good workout ethic
3. Has his life together: a legitimate income, his own reliable transportation and doesn’t live with his parents or on someone’s couch.
4. Is affectionate but not overly “needy”
5. Genuinely likes and wants children
6. Has a good self image and is confident but not arrogant
7. Is mentally level headed and emotionally sane
8. Has a cheerful attitude/ optimistic approach to life
9. Wants a fair and balanced relationship (shares responsibilities, contributes to the relationship, etc.)
10. Has a great sense of humor

Then make a list of 10 things you’d prefer, but would be willing to allow a little leeway with.
Again, my list looks something like this:

1. Lives an active, healthy lifestyle (ie. enjoys being outside/ sports, isn’t a couch potato)
2. Won’t be regularly gone prolonged periods of time (longer than two or three days at a time)
3. Fairly clean cut appearance (no facial tattoos/ piercings etc.)
4. Intelligent conversation with good life skills/ experience/ education
5. Is handy with tools/ has skills and interest in home improvements
6. Is smart with money (good at saving, on time with paying bills, has retirement plans etc.)
7. Tenacious and persistent about life ambitions. Has goal and actively working towards them.
8. Committed to making a great relationship last (includes romantic gestures and a willingness to compromise.)
9. Compassionate and kind-hearted
10. Is playful but can be serious when needed

You probably have a better idea of what you do and don’t want than you realize. But saying “I don’t know what I’m looking for” just makes you sound immature.

After all, maturity is knowing who you are, what you want and knowing how to get it. And you can’t very well expect to find a mature partner who will want to be with you, if you don’t know who you are or what you want.

So when you finally meet the amazing person who is exactly what you never realized you always wanted, you want to actually have some idea of what that’s going to look like, sound like and feel like.