Saturday, November 15, 2008

How A Woman Should Treat Her Man

After posting the list on How a Guy Should Treat His Woman, I got complaints from guys that there wasn't a list for women. I support fairness and agreed!! So, I promptly created this list. I stand behind each and every item on it and have actually done all of them.

I didn't include *everything* that I personally do, but then, I don't want to give away ALL my trade secrets!

After he opens your car door and you get in, lean over his seat and open his door for him.

• Offer spontaneous back rubs. Good ones that loosen up the muscles and last a while.

Go 50/50 on paying for the dates. Either cover your share or pay for the whole thing sometimes.

• Say 'thank you' to any nice thing he says or does. Even the smallest nice things deserve recognition.

Pay attention to what his favorite things are. Whether you like them or not, understand them or not, at least know what his favorite things are.

• When he does something you like, let him know right then.

• Text him, or email him just to let you know you were thinking about him. (Just don't do that 15 times a day or in the middle of the night)

• Put a picture of him on your phone or somewhere so you take it with you and see it regularly.

• If he has a pet, be kind to it and at least once bring a gift for it.

• Respect his space and property. Don't go through his stuff or leave a mess.

• Hold open a door for him if his hands are full (i.e. your shopping bags!)

• Instigate sex sometimes and be an *enthusiastic* and adventurous participant.

• Help him coordinate his clothes. Don't let him walk around looking like he doesn't have a woman who does that.

• Don't expect him to "cuddle" during every movie, in bed every night or after sex every time. Once every three or four times, and sometimes end it before he has to ask or he moves.

Occasionally watch movies with him that you don't like. If you make him suffer through movies he doesn't like, it's only fair.

• Compliment his talents and abilities. Be specific.

If you are getting something to eat or drink, ask him if he wants anything.

• Ask him about his childhood, his dreams and hopes. Pay attention. Don't make fun of it.

Never criticize or embarrass him in front of his friends or family.

• *Tell* him what you think, like, want etc. Don't expect him to read your mind or "figure it out" from body language, silence, stares, etc.

Don't give him a stupid pet name that even a pet would be embarrassed about.

• Don't freak out about bodily functions: ie. burping, farts, etc. Unless it's deliberately inappropriate, just ignore it completely.

Give him time alone AND with his friends. Have other hobbies so when he's busy, so are you. You should also have time alone AND with your friends.

• Bake him something you think he'd like, at least once, even if you think you're not good at that kind of thing.

Remember to return anything of his that you borrow. Keep it clean while you have it.

• Unless it's urgent or time sensitive, give him three days to return your calls or messages before asking what's going on.

Unless he specifically offers to share, order your own food and eat your own food, not his.

• Attempt to finish or take home food he pays for. If you paid for it, that's different.

Show and tell him how to please you. Don't expect him to figure it out or know by how you move, what sounds you make or what you think he should know.

• Accept him, with his flaws and inconsistencies. Don't plan to give him a physical, or personality makeover. Unless you want him to give YOU a makeover too!

Remember he has guy friends who are often rough, crass, hard and tough. Showing him sweet, kind, thoughtful, and ladylike behavior sometimes. He'll think it's nice for a change.

• Dress up sometimes in something truly feminine. Remind him you're a female by how you look and act.

Go with him into guy stores. Don't act bored or make fun of everything.

• Sometimes (ie. during that movie you don't like) give him a foot massage. Hand massages are great too.

When it's just the two of you together, give him your full attention. Don't stare at, comment on or talk to other guys.

• Save your girl talk for your girls. Talk about neutral topics or things that interest him too.

Let him sometimes experiment with his hair or facial hair. He doesn't have to have wear it how you like it best, any more than you should wear your hair or makeup how he prefers.

• Find physical activities you can do together. Accept that you'll probably sweat and get dirty. Enjoy it. Don't complain. You can shower and change afterwards.

Be polite and respectful to his parents and family, even if he doesn't have a great relationship with them!

• Don't put him on the spot with picking out your clothes. And don't ask for his opinions if you think you might not hear what you want.

Ask him what he thinks and feels sometimes. Let him talk. Listen. Don't interrupt, interject your opinions, judge what he says or disagree. You don't have to agree, just *listen*.

• Ask him to teach you to do something he's good at. Really try it. Don't get mad at him if you have trouble learning it. Make it fun.

Respect and be kind to his friends, even if you don't like them and they don't like you.

• Rub the back of his neck and play with his hair while he drives.

Never, ever, ever ask him "does this make me look fat?" He's somehow going to give the wrong answer and then you'll get hurt or mad at him. And if you're asking that question, YOU already know the answer!

• Find out what his "fantasies" are, and help him fulfill at least one of them.

Leave him a sexy note somewhere where only he'll find it, talking about something fun or hot you can do together or something for "his eyes only". Be prepared to back it up when he sees you next!

• Unless he asks, or it's "need to know", don't talk about ex's of any kind. If you need to discuss it, make sure you let him know you're not trying to make him jealous and say it in such a way that he'll believe you.

When he's sick, injured, recovering or feeling low, treat him with the same kindness, patience and thoughtfulness you'd like him to show you.

• Memorize his phone number. Sure you might have him as 1 on speed-dial, but you should still have the number memorized.

Remember dates that are important to HIM. The date he graduated from some program or company, his birthday, the day his dog died, whatever date holds significance to him.

• Swing by his job to bring him lunch or to take him to lunch. Pay for it.

Buy sexy underwear that he would like to see you in. Pick it out together even. And wear it sometimes. Be prepared to act on it when he wants to enjoy it after seeing you though!

• Try to give him truly thoughtful gifts. (i.e. A magazine subscription for the sports cars he loves. A new set of tools that he uses for working on his bike…) This will include getting to know what he really likes and is interested in. When all else fails- ask him what he wants. Better to ask and know for sure than end up getting him something he doesn't want.

Find out what his insecurities are and never, ever use them against him. Don't tell anyone else what they are, and don't make him feel bad about having insecurities. Everyone has some.

• If he has a favorite book- read it. Chances are if he's the kind of guy to have a favorite book, there is something in there pretty profound he'd love to be able to share with you.

Don't get mad at him over stupid little stuff. Guys may not be the most clever at figuring out what will hurt, offend or drive you nuts, but remember 'the big picture'- unless it's a "deal breaker" (something really major) just let it go. Remind yourself of other things about him you do like. Some time when you're not upset about it, casually mention that you'd rather he not do or say that.

• Play with him. Tickle fights, pillow fights, play wrestling, squirt gun fights, washing-the-car water fights… it's fun and it keeps the feelings of affection alive.

Come up with ideas of things to do and places to go. It's your job as much as it is his.

• Random acts of kindness. If he falls asleep on the couch, bring him a pillow or cover him up with a blanket. If he's outside working in the heat (especially if it's on your car), bring him a drink, and then give him a back rub.

Don't ever, ever hit him. It's not okay for a guy to hit a girl, but it's also not okay for a girl to hit a guy. The one exception is if he's deliberately trying to hurt you, then it's self-defense. A good guy would never do that though.

• Admit when you're wrong. Tell him when he's right. Don't punish him for being right. Be a good sport about it. The same goes for games- cards, shooting hoops, whatever.

Bring him flowers sometimes. Or have them sent to his job. Not only will it really surprise him, he just might return the favor.

If you do all these things (if he hasn't married you!) 10 yrs later he'll still remember you.


John Huff said...

This is everything i dont get from her! Wat is i to do?

bjw said...

I wish

olwethu mandla said...

She just always understands that we both students but wen she's with me,her brains shut down nd thnks I'm loaded and tht scares me coz I don't want to say "I cnt pay for tiny thngs" but If all those tiny things are paid for by me,it results in paying a large ammount of cash at the end of the day.

Vijaya said...

I am glad I read this article. I have to change my attitude.

Tyquorn Lebron said...

I needed this. I have read both. I do about 90 percent of what guys should do but in return get about 20 percent. I don’t even think that this post would help her. She has changed.

Rascal said...

Women are different nowadays. Some are more demanding and always asking for more money. And a few do not reciprocate with their partners.

mel me said...

Yes, very interesting list. I would condense many of these into a few simple ideas.

1. Be FOR him. In all his ways, paths, and living, be on his side. Don't side against him, (unless it's something seriously ethical.) He has enough things against him already, (including what's in his head.)

2. Attitude means so much. How you interpret life will come through how and what you do. Try to be genuinely thankful for the good things, rather than center on the bad.

3. The fastest way to destroy a relationship is be focusing on self. Jaclyn does a great job of listing so many things that basically put sometime else's desires above your own.

4.Banish manipulation from your life. NEVER, under any circumstance do anything listed above in order to get something back as payment. It's one thing to set and maintain a wonderful example, but if word gets out your behavior is really designed to fill up your own kitty, well... Don't be surprised if no one tells you. Just because you give does not entitle you to get.

Do these things out of a genuine heart and they'll please both you and him all by themselves.

Joos Van Zyl said...

Yea... Some girls just expect a man to do everything and they sit back and do nothing and things "have to" work out... (I guess there are men like that also...)

Conway Kelly said...

I like your ideas of what to do for a man while in a relationship. If your are of these traits then I know your in a happy relationship and wish you many many years of prosperity. If for some reason your not, Take a trip to Jamaica. I sure romeo is here yearning for you.

Tiaan Muller said...

Geez... Where do you find these creatures of myth?

BigMoney said...

I wish my girl was like this smh

BigMoney said...

Me to bro

BigMoney said...

So true bro

Keneetra Smith said...

Hmmm is this what men really want? Everything sounds easy to me

Keneetra Smith said...

What is she like that makes you stay with her?

Keneetra Smith said...

I love Jamaica!

Anonymous said...

@Keneetra Smith. You said you love Jamaica . . . that reminded me of one of the best quotes of Bob Marley.

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” -- Bob Marley

JRW said...

Outside of the sex acts BEFORE marriage, I would do everything on this list (oh and those technology things-they did not exist in the 1960's). I never understood why the best looking guy-most sought after in our neighborhood-went for me. Nice to see what I did right. He never expressed what he appreciated about me-except my IQ. hmm He is 3 years older than I. In Sept. he will be 70 and I will be 67.
Our 50th anniversary is Sept 24, 2016. Oh and he really never reciprocated my actions toward him. LOL!

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Lavern Fields said...

I'm just starting out with a friend so I need to know and thank you so much because I can get a little stubborn thanks again myself

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We just KNOW when it’s missing.

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