Monday, April 14, 2014

Good Looks Don't Guarantee a Good Match

I get a lot of questions from people. I've decided once a month to take one of them and publicly answer it.

This month: 

"Why are there so many beautiful women on these dating sites that claim to be single? Its obvious that they can have any man they want. Can you help me find a good woman?"
- Ervin, 38, North Carolina


It sounds like you might be a little confused about the way love and romantic connections work. And possibly you aren't considering what it's like to be a woman looking for a happy and long lasting relationship.

Being attractive may give a person more options and probably more opportunities for booty calls or friends with benefits. But it doesn't mean they're going to easily find someone who has their life together, will treat them the way they want to be treated and value them for qualities beyond just being beautiful. Especially if they are looking for something serious, monogamous, or long term like marriage.

Being a beautiful woman doesn't mean they'll easily find a beautiful man who will be a good match for them. Everyone wants their best match (feeling connected, having common interests, strong chemistry, similar goals, etc.). And despite what you think, those qualities are often more important that just simply having a pretty face and a sexy body. Those are nice too, but people are much more than their looks. And relationships MUST be built on more than physical appearance.

Most people want to find someone who is as attractive as they are, but who are also smart, kind, considerate, successful, loyal and generous. That can be EXTREMELY difficult because some people who are extremely attractive are vain, selfish, lazy in relationships and not faithful. 

And many of the really attractive people who are also sweet and successful, are already in relationships or married. 

This is one reason why attractive women often end up with guys who are not in their league. Because the women decide that choosing someone who will cherish them and be loyal to them is more important than choosing someone who is very attractive but doesn't value them and cheats on them.

There is also the fact that possibly the attractive women are the ones who are vain, selfish, and unfaithful. Or maybe they have very limited interests, aren't very good at conversation or have other attributes that turn guys off.

A lot of guys tell me that they were very attracted to a girl when they first met. And then she opened her mouth. The hot girl swore like a sailor, nagged them constantly, whined and complained about everything and gossiped about everyone to the point where the guy couldn't find them attractive anymore. They ended up dating or marrying a slightly less attractive girl or less fit girl who actually shared their interests, appreciated their sense of humor and wanted to make a life with them.

Beauty eventually fades. Character qualities are usually permanent. Not many guys want to get hitched to a bitch just because she’s hot.

So you see, you cannot just look at a person’s profile, decide that you think they are universally attractive and assume they either can have anyone they want or that everyone wants them. It's entirely possible that they are there for the same reasons you are: Because you have just not found a person who makes you want to forget everyone else exists, that also feels that way about you.

I’ve checked out your profile. It’s entirely empty!  I’m sorry, but I absolutely cannot help someone find anything when they have not taken the time to fill out their profile completely and include several good, current pictures of them self. You have exactly ZERO pictures of yourself. Pictures are the very first thing people look at on a profile.  Without them, you really don’t have much of a profile.

If you want to seriously have results, you have to be serious about your effort. Why should a smart, attractive woman who is a keeper talk to a guy who doesn't bother to explain who they are or what they want and also hides how they look? Short answer: They won’t.

When you really want to have some success with online dating, you know where to start.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Food: Suggested Cold Stone Ice Cream Flavor "Deliciously Rich Donald Trump"

Cold Stone is one of my favorite places to get ice cream. They make "creations" the way my friends and I used to at our teenage birthday parties growing up. We'd buy a cornucopia of delicious "ingredients" and take pride in each of us making our own original yummy mess. Mixing ice cream flavors, fruit, candies and toppings all in one bowl for a delicious and unique dessert experience.

Since Cold Stone has hit the market with a collection of their Signature Creations, I've been happy to leave the flavor combination inventing to the ice cream experts. And I can tell you without hesitation what everyone in my family normally gets when we visit this particular ice cream parlor.

As for myself, I'm usually very happy with the "Mint Mint Chocolate Chip". I've tried a variety of their flavor combinations and generally like that one the best. Every now and then I'll get their "Chocolate Devotion" with some strawberries tossed in. And their "Cookie Doughn't You Want Some" is another I frequently rotate out with. I sometimes add a thing now and then, (like the time I added brownie to the "Strawberry Blonde") but I've never made an entirely new creation before that deserves to be added to the list of regulars.

But that changed one time about eight months ago when my boyfriend decided to make his own concoction instead of getting his usual Birthday Cake Remix (sans chocolate). I was conflicted about which of my usuals to get and was kinda looking for something a little different. So when my boyfriend (who is not a fan of mint or even sometimes of chocolate but very much likes cheesecake) ordered Cake Batter and Cheesecake Ice cream, then added pie crust and Carmel, it sounded intriguing. He let me taste his when the server passed it over the counter. It was good. That is, it was a good start.

I decided to get that, but with a few more additions. I also requested chocolate shavings, fudge topping and fresh strawberries. When my delectable dessert was handed over to me, I let my boyfriend taste it. The flavors were in my opinion perfection and was sure he'd agree.

My boyfriend: It's too rich.

Me: What?! That's impossible. There's no such thing as too rich. Just ask Donald Trump!

We both laughed but the name stuck.

And that is how the Deliciously Rich Donald Trump ice cream concoction was created. Now most times I go to Cold Stone I ask for this combination. But it would be really awesome to just ask for it by name. I think it's about time we let the public decide so I'm putting the ingredient list out there for everyone to decide if they agree. 

If you'd like to have your taste buds overwhelmed by an amazing treat, try the Deliciously Rich Donald Trump. Here is what to ask for:

Cake Batter ice cream
Cheesecake ice cream
Pie Crust topping
Carmel Topping
Chocolate Fudge Topping
Chocolate Shavings
Fresh Sliced Strawberries

(add a chocolate covered waffle bowl if you think you can handle it!)

And then Enjoy!

Friday, March 28, 2014

Dating: The ABC’s of Online Dating Emails

The basic building blocks of creating good emails when online dating are pretty simple but very important.

You have roughly six emails each to cover all these topics and establish certain factors in order for the best possible outcome.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Dating: Fuit Smoothies, Slurpees and V8 Juice

There are basically three types of people out there. Which kind are you? And what are you looking for?

Friday, February 28, 2014

Online Dating: Horror Story: False Sense of Immunity

Apparently coffeexplorer on Ok Cupid doesn't read the news.

If he did he would see that sitting behind the safety of a computer screen tucked behind the walls of your own home lends a false sense of anonymity. He may think he can confidently pound out his hateful spite on someone who has done nothing to him, and he'll have immunity from any accountability for what he does. And he would be wrong. 

Just this week on MSN comes a story about an arrogant JobBank Moderator who got the smack down from the public for unleashing her distasteful sense of superiority over some younger woman who was seeking to connect and gain employment opportunities. And her temper has cost this woman dearly.

Just last night, I got a series of hateful messages from someone named coffeexplorer. I guess he figures he's god's gift to women because before he started spewing outrageous and aggressively malicious emails my way, I'd never viewed his page, never heard of him and never made any attempt to contact him. I guess this is his way of dealing with his life disappointments: by vicious attacking women online who are seeking love. 

Take a look at what he wrote to me:

“Wow, you are a case study for feminist attention whoring. Another 7 who thinks she is a 9. Don't get me wrong I like your passion, but average girls cannot make super model demands. The world is corrupt and you are pretending its good because you have been protected by white knight beta males who have protected you from true horrors and brutality. Women twice as hot and bad ass as you are mixing Molotov Cocktails for their men in the streets of Ukraine right now and you are demanding that American men buy you cocktails and open doors for you. Lol

You are on a public forum publicly emotionally streaking with your life story and sexy photos. You love thus sh*t

And believe this, no other man read or cares about what you wrote about YOURSELF, we all just want sex and will do and say anything to get it. Who you are and what you like and dislike is of no importance to us. Everyman you have ever known secretly thinks this... gasp! Oh the horror, huh? Yep everyman has to lie to get all your required "right" answers and win the golden key to your high maintenance golden chastity belt."

I really cannot know how this guy can assume that he is a "nice guy." I am very glad that I have had the pleasure of knowing LOTS of truly nice guys who's friendship I value very much. 

It's just really sad that this jerk seems to think that he's somehow been wronged enough to deserve to be horrible to anyone whenever he feels like lashing out. It makes you question whether he would likewise physically take out his vicious temper on any random woman who had the misfortune to meet him. He seems like the type would find whatever female who crosses his path and destroy her life just because he's obviously an angry and bitter person.

To all the honorable, good hearted and chivalrous men (and outraged women) out there, feel free to let this guy know that this is not how you treat your women and that you won't tolerate him treating females in general this way. Thank you for helping keep the world  (online and off) a safer place for everyone.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Why You Should NOT Date On Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is considered by many the most romantic day of the year. It's certainly one of the primary days where restaurant expect to fill up, flower shops anticipate being emptied and jewelry stores try to convince you rocks and metal will solve all your relationship problems.

And that is why, for most people, they should absolutely NOT plan a date for February 14th.

If this sounds like a foreign concept to you, allow me to explain...

(read full article tomorrow)

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Open Letter Dating Advice: Woman's Perspective

Your profile says that you're new to this state, and while that shouldn't matter when it comes to internet dating sites, which are all over the world, I'm gonna cut you some slack and let you in on a little secret.

Girls who are fit, reasonably attractive and have their life together get a LOT of mail. I'm not bragging. If I could get 90% of it to STOP..I would. I feel like I'm wasting my life rummaging through 50+ messages a week from guys who aren't fit, aren't attractive, don't have their life together and don't even want a real relationship. It's depressing!

 So...girls cut through the crap by just eliminating guys. A LOT of eliminating. Let the deleting begin! They will:

1) Delete anyone who doesn't have a picture.  

2) Delete anyone married, in a relationship or just looking for an intimate encounter.

3) Delete anyone who is very much outside the desired age range.

4) Delete anyone they're not attracted to even a little.

5) Delete anyone who doesn't bother to write anything about themselves in their profile.

6) Delete anyone who can't type/ speak proper English. 

7) Delete anyone who lives further than 50 miles away.

8) Delete anyone who doesn't have a job, a car and at least one normal hobby.

9) Delete anyone who comes off as rude, needy, stalkerish, angry, violent or suspicious.

10) Delete anyone who's first message is ONLY (any variation of) "Hey what's up?" or "Hi, how you doing?"

Now I realize you probably were nodding your head over the first 9 points and then probably stopped at #10 thinking "Now hang on a second.... I DO that... that get's my messages deleted?? But I'm completely solid on all the other points! That's not fair! Why does just saying "hello, how are you?" going to get my message deleted?"

Before you get all flustered over what seems like an injustice, consider this: If you get ten messages from people and they all say nearly word for word the exact same thing... wouldn't you get tired of responding to them??

Wouldn't you get to a point where you would hate to have to keep responding to those same short, dull messages with just different faces, day after day, week after week, month after month, possibly for years?? You'd want to scream too. Or crumple something up and throw it. Or just take a deep breath and delete them all. Screw it. It's too boring and tedious to be bothered.


One line sentences say.."I didn't read your profile, I don't know anything about you, I just looked though your pictures, thought were attractive and wrote you a really lazy message to see if you'll pay attention to me without my taking any real effort to know you."

So people...if you are guilty of writing these obnoxious and impersonal one line messages (and we all know you send to about a dozen girls every week or so) and are annoyed that they almost NEVER get responded to, you should know it's because they just deleted them. But there is a way to STOP getting deleted!

If you want to get the attention of a woman who is being bombarded by tons of guys on a regular HAVE TO STAND OUT. If you do just the bare minimum... you'll get the bare minimum....basically they might glance at your profile and delete your sorry message.

I'm really just trying to help you guys. I know you have a lot of competition. And I know there aren't too many girls who are in shape and who aren't crazy or have a ton of drama going on. So take this advice and stop having your messages get deleted.

Have an original subject heading. Trust me, it will get her attention over the typical "hi" or "hey".

Try humor. Even just having a joke in a subject heading or a message will get WAY more attention than the hundreds of "hi how are you?" that a girl has to read over and over and over again. Be original. Even weird is at least more interesting than boring. 

If you make her smile (or better yet laugh) chances are good she'll come back for more. Everyone likes people who make them laugh.

Say something about HER. Even if it's just a short sentence/ observation. 

And for the love of Pete, DON'T say she has pretty eyes, a pretty smile or "seems smart/ laid back / down to earth/ or really cool". (I swear, if I had a nickel for every time some guy said those things in an email to me... GROAN.... DELETE. ) Mention something she said about herself IN her profile. She gave you stuff to talk about... so talk about it!

DON'T talk about yourself in your message to her. If a girl feels like you're just saying hello to get her to read 5 paragraphs you wrote about how great YOU are, why should she read it? She was hoping you were writing her because you noticed HER out of all the other girls out there!

Write about you in YOUR profile. That way after you've impressed her with your funny message that says something about her that shows you actually read her profile...she'll be eager to get to your page and read all about YOU.

But it HAS TO happen in THAT ORDER.

If you can get a conversation going because you were the ONE GUY who made her smile or laugh, she might not care if you don't some of the other criteria she's looking for. If nothing else, you'll at least get a conversation going and possibly a meet. And that's the first step to finding a romantic relationship (or even a really great friend). Right?

I've read soooo many "What's up?" "How's is going?" and "How is your days?" that sometimes I want to just give up talking to people online altogether.

So sorry, but the "How are you?" that you just sent... is going in the garbage.

Just think about this from the stand point of a girl for a second. Unless you write something to stand out, you all sound like robots. So if I can't find a smart, funny, clever guy online, I might as well hold out for the tallest, handsomest and riches robot in the bunch right? 

Hope that helps get you more game!