Saturday, May 29, 2010

Product of Our Environment

It's not so much what YOU think it's called, as much as it is what the people in your town choose to call it.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

The gender issue in both the military and in mainstream America.

Monday, May 24, 2010

America's Lowest Life Forms

I'm not really sure this person calling in to Michael Savage's talk show, can even qualify as a human. Unfortunately there are entirely too many people who are like this uneducated, over opinionated jackass.

As of July 2009 America's population (well those who were legally counted anyway) was 307,006,550 people.

About 38 percent (or about 1/3 the Population, roughly 102,335,516 people) pay no income taxes. (Again, this number doesn't include people who are in the country illegally or were not counted on the last census)

Around half the population (153,503,275 people) receives some kind of government assistance. (Welfare checks, food stamps, WIC, Social Security, Subsidized housing etc.)

So less than half the US population pays income taxes but receives no government assistance.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Date Your Relatives

Okay, so I’m obviously NOT endorsing incest.

That is not only illegal, it’s a good way to have a mentally and/or physically deformed child. Plus, just the idea of “doing it” with your blood relatives is gross.

BUT there are some good reasons to meet “the family” of someone you’re interested in, long before you take it to a serious level. Or at least, look at pictures of them.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

What's Fit. What's Fat.

I gotta tell you I'm getting sick and tired of people putting on their profile pages (for networking or dating sites) that they're "Athletic/ Fit" when they're really Average, and "Average" when they're really Overweight.

Do you think the people viewing your page are blind? Do you think they're not going to notice you wear plus size or have a pooch in the front of your belly or waddle when you walk when you meet in person? Who are you really fooling? Maybe yourself.

Come clean about it. If you don't like putting that you're "A Few Extra Pounds", then LOSE WEIGHT!

For the record:

THIS is a FIT/Athletic man and woman:


THIS is a FAT/ Obese man and woman:
See the difference?

If you don't have muscle definition, you're not "athletic".
If you're more than 25% fat for a female or 15% fat for a male you're OVERWEIGHT.

If you try to lie about your body size and fitness level, you're either going to come across as a person who doesn't face reality or is a chronic liar. Either way, no one is going to believe that you can be in a honest relationship if you're in denial about your own (highly obvious) problems.

If you're fat, just state the obvious. Better to be fat and honest, then fat and a liar.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

USA Brown Nosing

I hate to say it, but the political climate of America has recently taken a turn for the elementary school playground. That’s right. All it takes is a raised eyebrow by someone whiny and "underprivileged". It doesn’t even take a double dog dare to get America to tie itself in knots.

But instead of jumping off the top of the monkey bars or taking a puff on a kid’s older brother’s cigarettes, America is in an un-winnable battle with the entire world to prove they are the most accepting, tolerant and NON-raciest, NON-discriminating place on the planet.

We’re like Disneyland for all the formerly persecuted groups.

It’s never been easier to be a minority. It doesn’t even matter what you’re a minority of. Just as long as you can claim “underdog” status for something, you get an instant membership card to the “I’m persecuted and therefore deserve something extra special! Gimme it now DAMMIT.”

Not white? Not straight? Not legal? Not a problem!

Is America at war with the country of your ancestral origins? You’re in luck! Unlike your distant terrorist relatives who are shooting at your American neighbors, YOU get ALL kinds of freebies and preference here! A free ride, a free education, an award, whatever you want!

Are you a financial drain on this country? Do you want to never get a job, become a celebrity and get everything free for the rest of your life? We’ve got special programs set up just for people like you! Si!

And if ensuring you don't feel special enough is against our current rules or isn't mandatory...don't worry! We'll change the rules just for you! And everyone else who sniffs their nose at obeying a democracy or pulling their own weight!

The Constitution? The Bill of Rights? PPffh! Who needs em? We're more like a jellyfish: completely fluid and flexible with whatever the way the current flows because we no longer have a backbone!

Do you have a questionable past and equally questionable plans for the future? PERFECT!

Are your blood relatives people who are out to destroy our nation? EVEN BETTER!

Just flash your “But I’m in a minority group!” tearful pout and America will now bend over backwards to prove to everyone (including themselves) that we think YOU’RE Great! Awesome! And dogonit we really LIKE you!”

After all America couldn’t possibly be this cozy, lovey “Land Of The FREEKS”..I mean FREE… without a regular dose of social outcasts and deviants.

Hate America? Don’t want to assimilate? (Wanna be our President?) We don’t want you to be like us either! We’re too boring! We can’t get media ratings with decent, moral, law abiding people who love America, their neighbors, their kids and are loyal to their spouses and their country!

What we need are people who will STIR up conflict! Offer distractions for our monotonous ordinary lives and give us something to apologize for previously being shocked about!

This formerly proud nation just can't get enough of kissing ass and falling over ourselves for having opinions, ideals and standards. Got-DAMN ourselves! We really need to follow the example of our new nation's leader who is proudly wearing his own "I'm a Minority so I'M SPECIAL" badge.

Because as Avril Lavin sings we want “Anything But Ordinary Please!”

Mainstream now IS strange beyond exotic, odd past unnatural and weird whizzing far through disturbing. Abnormal is SO trendy right now!

And if you want to be a non-tax paying, terrorist supporting, traditional value destroying media whore… Really "It's OKAY"! (YES YOU CAN!)

But please!... Just make sure you have enough outrageous clothing and physical preferences and enough controversial relatives, political viewpoints and lifestyle choices to be gawk-worthy.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

No Parking At Any Time

It's been said:

"The dating/marriage scene is like a parking lot and good partners are like parking spots.

By the time you get there and know where you're supposed to be, all the good ones are already taken.

So all that's left are the ones that are too damn far away, or handicap."

Monday, May 10, 2010

Motherhood Isn't Easy

It would be just wrong to post a video of an actual human woman giving birth.
Aren't you glad YOUR not a heifer?

In case you were wondering how it looks in 3D

THIS however, is a *Great* idea!

What a Cesarean Birth is.

And THIS is why the healing time is SO long! Why the surgeons make so much money. And why they don't recommend more than three Cesarean births. (You've been warned!)

Bless their little hearts, after all that, kids can be *REALLY* annoying!