Friday, November 14, 2008

The Five Love Languages

~How Do YOU Like to Be Shown Love?~

I just got through reading an excellent book called 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman.

The idea is there are five basic ways to show your love, affection, respect and care for another person. Chapman thinks everyone has one specific "love language" that means the most to them. The others are important and necessary too, but everyone has one that they value more than the others. If you feel like that one most important language is being expressed to you, your 'love tank' (like a gas tank) stays full and you feel loved and cared about.

These are the Five Love Languages:

~Words of Affirmation~
Getting compliments. Being told that you are liked, loved, cared about, thought about, etc. Getting cards, notes or letters telling you heart felt words that express love.

~Quality Time~

Having one-on-one time spent together. Doing activities together, talking to each other, creating memories by sharing each others time and presence. Basically spending time together, focused on each other.

~Receiving Gifts~

Tokens of affection and visual symbols of love. Getting presents that are thoughtful, meaningful or 'just because'. They don't have to costs money, but some may cost a lot of money and that could be part of importance because they care enough to spend that much or choose something that you care about.

~Acts of Service~

Having things done for you that may include planning, time, effort and energy. Doing chores around the house, running an errand, doing something for you that you don't have time for (like ironing, getting the car washed, etc.). Essentially thoughtful gestures, and being helped to take care of daily life 'business' as an expression of love and care.

~Physical Touch~

Doesn't have to be sexual, but can include love making. Hand holding, hugging, cuddling, back rubs, kissing, wrestling, sleeping next to each other and casual touching. Basically having physical contact to demonstrate love and affection.


It might take you a while to figure out which one is the most important to you. There might be two that really stand out for you, but after thinking it a while you might figure out which one of those is more important to you than the other. Chapman recommends putting them in order of importance.

Once you know which one is most important to you, you can tell other people who care about you, the best way to show you they love you.

Keep in mind that the people you care about will have a different "love language" that is most important to them. In order to best show them love, you need to find out which one they value the most.

This isn't just for people who are romantic with each other, it's also good for expressing love for your parents, children, siblings, extended family and friends.

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