Tuesday, November 18, 2008

F’ing MAN UP

Ahh.. The summer is winding down. The warm season coming to a close and if you're like me it's time for 'round two' of a necessary yearly routine.

It's time to do a little closet cleaning. Mental, emotional AND actual closet cleaning. A verbal self-bashing always does the trick for me.

I've been disappointing myself a lot lately and feel the need to give myself a pep talk. This conversation is more a dialogue with myself than anything else, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to share it.

First and foremost, YOU are responsible for YOUR OWN happiness. NO ONE else is responsible for your satisfaction, joy or success. If you are not happy with your life, it is YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT!

I have a tendency to allow other people to place demands on me and then feel frustrated and dissatisfied with myself if I fail to live up to their expectations.

Fuck that.

This is MY life. And I only get one shot at it. I need to do WHAT I NEED to be satisfied with myself. If I can look myself in the eye every morning and like what I see, like who I am- THAT is the most important thing. People come and go from your life. You are stuck with yourself for the entirety of your life.

If you don't like who you are- no one and nothing else matters!!! You cannot love and care about anyone else if you do not love and care about yourself.

Don't try to blame unhappiness with yourself or your life on your job, the other people in your life, situations or anything else. YOU decided to TAKE that job, YOU decided to KEEP that job; YOU decided to LET those people into your life, YOU decided to KEEP those people in your life. Some, even many situations are beyond your control to prevent. BUT how you respond to them will determine your happiness. STOP trying to pass the buck.

                                              F'ing MAN UP and accept accountability!

Cause an effect are at work here. PUT in the effort- GET out the results. If you're not getting the results you want, modify the kind or amount of effort you're putting in. If you're not happy with your situation: CHANGE IT. Don't bitch about it, cry about it or pout. Get off your ass and DO SOMETHING about it!!!

I find myself quoting my grandma more and more as I realize how the influential the little sayings she was always spouting off to me when growing up- are fundamentally true and worthy of daily reminders.

"DO what you have to do, WHEN it has to be done, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT."

I am honestly sick and tired of getting in my own way. I do it all the time and it's really been pissing me off. I need to STOP procrastinating stuff and just DO what needs to be done!

You are always doing one of two things in life. Making excuses why you CAN do something, or making excuses why you CAN'T.


I need to STOP making excuses about why I haven't accomplished things and just DO it! NO EXCUSES! Excuses are counter-productive. They accomplish nothing. They improve nothing. They change NOTHING! STOP creating excuses and START creating results!

I find my surroundings affect me more than I realize, and more than I like to admit. But having recognized this is power. It gives me the information I need to make my surroundings the kind that will provide the environment I need to flourish, improve and get the desired results.

Get rid of the clutter.

A cluttered living space and a cluttered working space equals a cluttered mind
and a whole crap load of low level stress like a constant irritating humming noise in the back of your mind. GET THE CRAP GONE.

If you don't need it or want it- sell it, donate it, giving it away, throw it away, but eliminate it from your life!! For the stuff you DO need and want: Create a home for everything, and keep everything in it's home!

I have certain areas of my home and vehicle that collect crap like a dead animal collects scavenger insects. I need to….no- 'need to' is too passive…a more aggressively pro-active term is necessary: I WILL stop putting those things in those 'crap collecting' places and put them where they belong. Just create a home for it and then put it away! If you cannot find a home for it- maybe you really don't need it.

Empty space provides balance to those areas that are occupied. Just because a surface that I don't typically use doesn't have anything on it… does not mean I should cover it up with crap!

I am convinced that achieving balance in ones life is the great challenge of life, but the key to happiness.


Balance is the medium ground. The 'moderation in all things' factor. It's the not becoming too consumed by any one thing or allowing yourself to neglect some things all together. A little bit of this, a little bit of that… It is the correct proportions and combination of ingredients that cause something to become a masterpiece or a total disaster.

Getting rid of the clutter sometimes includes people. People who are by nature negative, perpetually angry, bitter, cynical or selfish are damaging to your life. Purge them from your life like a hive of wasps. They will only agitate you and cause you pain and frustration.

If they are not improving the quality of your life by being ambitions, cheerful and motivated in their own life- they will bring you down. And you don't need that. It doesn't matter if they are family or long term friends or people you're in a relationship with. If they generate negativity in their lives- CUT THEM LOOSE! The sooner the better.

"Good, Better, Best. Good, Better, Best. Never let it rest, until the Good becomes Better and the Better becomes Best!"

Like water, nothing remains the same. Everything is in a perpetual state of changing. If it's not flowing, it's stagnating. And stagnating water stinks. Everything can be improved. Everything can be better.

Don't be satisfied with mediocre. Don't become complacent. Get what you want from this life by continually improving everything in your path. It's the seekers and the people who aren't content with average who stumble upon the great joys, beauties and improvements in life.

Slow and steady wins the race. I often want to just devote a sudden burst of energy and enthusiasm on a given task or activity and magically become proficient at it, suddenly achieve success in it. But life doesn't work that way. Explosives may blast the heck out of something, but all you're left with is shards of whatever it was and fragments of what it could have become. Slow, steady and consistent effort is what polishes a stone into a diamond and moves a mountain.

I am by nature a multi-tasker. I like to get more than one thing done at the same time, the more the better. Sometimes that needs to be improving my mood while doing boring or unpleasant tasks. That can often happen by having a satisfying human connection. I like people. I like talking to them. There is not enough time in life to socialize outside my home with people as often as I like and still get things done around my home that need to be done. I have found that wearing my phone headset and talking to a friend or family member while I clean kills two birds with one stone.

I have done everything from fold laundry to scrubbing the bathtub, to organizing my garage, to pulling weeds- all while discussing politics, commenting on books and movies or relating childhood experiences with people I care about. It's amazing how I can whittle away my "to do" list while pondering ideas and laughing about nonsense and it all feels that much more satisfying and effortless.

"Be pretty if you are, be clever if you can, but be cheerful if it kills you."

Studies show that faking a smile, will actually improve your mood.
If you maintain your facial features in a smile long enough, it will relax into a real smile and release feel good hormones into your brain. No prescription required.

Sometimes I remind myself to grin the entire time I'm doing an activity, just to hurry the process. I could care less if I look ridiculous while grinning and mowing my lawn or washing my car. I'm okay with my neighbors and random people driving down my street thinking I'm a little bit crazy. Better to be thought of as a happy, slightly crazy person then a grumpy, cynical one!

GET SLEEP. This is a big problem for me. It affects my performance in every aspect of my life. It affects my mood. It affects my motivation. It affects everything. I will STOP making excuses about not getting sleep. I WILL STOP saying "I can sleep when I'm dead."

There are apparently some hormones that can be released in the body ONLY when you are sleep. Studies also show that babies and children have the majority of their sleep REM or dream sleep and the older you get (possibly because after childhood people start sleeping about half as long) the less REM sleep you get. REM sleep is tied to the ability to heal quickly, be emotionally stable (it's when your mind processed all the stress and activities you did in your day and life) and look and feel youthful. People who do not get adequate sleep throughout their lives age faster and die sooner! People who take regular naps tend to look younger long and live longer!


I will START getting rest!

Last summer I did this thing where one weekend a month, on a day I had no obligations and no one needing my attention, I'd put black out curtains on my bedroom window, turn off all my phones, turn a noise damper fan on in my bedroom and then take a sleeping aid pill around 5 p.m. I'd wake up the next day, sometimes as early as 6 a.m.- sometimes as late as noon… but I'd feel refreshed, rested and highly motivated. Since I sleep an average of 4 hours of sleep a night, it was really helpful in catching me up on rest. I really need to start doing that again. Dangit. I mean: I WILL START doing that again.

You cannot accomplish your goals, if you have none. There is so much I want to do in life. But only I can make it happen. If I want to have experiences, I need to find out what it takes to have them. If I want to make more money, I need to do what it takes to acquire it. If I want a fitter body, I need to make the sacrifices (less junk, more exercise) to make that happen.

Make lists. Long term goals. Short term goals. Daily 'to do lists'. Put events on calendars and keep track of important dates and events. If you don't know what needs to be done or when something happens you'll never accomplish it.

There will always be variables in life. There will always be unexpected things. There will always be obstacles. But that is the beauty of life. Those are the opportunities for achieving greatness.

Challenges are what cause us to modify ourselves and our lives to overcome and obtain our wants and needs. You cannot expect anyone to give you anything in life. You need to go and take it.


You cannot expect situations to go 'just the right way' for you to be lucky. I need to create my own luck, with determination and ingenuity. If you feel you are 'unlucky'- it's your own damn fault!!

Create better karma by doing something positive for yourself and something altruistic for someone else. Listen to uplifting music. Watch happy movies. Read motivational books. Surround yourself with beauty and happy people. START doing random acts of kindness and expect nothing in return! STOP expecting flowers to grow and bloom when you're choosing to live in a cesspool.

Ultimately my life is what I make it
. I DECIDE, what my life will be like, who will be part of it, and whether I'll be happy with the choices that I make. I have no one to blame but myself, but I have no one to motivate besides myself. I create my own destiny.

Whew!


I feel better already. :)


[Modified from a MySpace Post Wednesday, August 6, 2008]

2 comments:

Peter said...

Damn, girl.
You were raised well and if it weren't 1am here and I didn't have a class to assist a class tomorrow, I'd have more to say about it.

I believe it was Pearl Buck who said, "Order is the shape upon which Beauty depends."

David said...

Wow,
Just came across you on another site, followed one of your links and ended up here. Glad I did. Time for me to do a lot of house cleaning. Looking forward to reading more of your outlooks.