1. Verbally attack others.
With all the news, opinions, memes, video clips and jokes passed around on social media sites it’s easy to find yourself at odds with someone you may not even know, discussing something you both feel strongly about. Religion, politics, scientific advancements, current events, relationships and multitude of other hot button topics find their way onto a person’s page, along with various family members, co-workers and friend’s commentaries. This is where you find out how truly open minded and diplomatic people are, or are not.
Regardless of how the conversation goes, it is better to agree to disagree and debate as though you know your boss or someone you want to respect you will later read. Name-calling, threats and making harsh derogatory statements are not only immature and never helpful, you could open yourself up to a potential lawsuit (say something liable), risk of getting fired or having other people on social media retaliate. Be a grown-up about your conversations. If you’re saying angry, hateful things you’ll only dig yourself a hole while throwing all that dirt at someone else.
We all have those days when it feels like we’re being unfairly picked on by the universe and the weight of the world is on our shoulders. Maybe you got some really bad news from your doctor, your vehicle is in the shop for the twelfth time this month, your relationship is on the rocks, your child publicly humiliated you AND your job really sucks. Tough as that might all be, social media sites are NOT the place or way to decompress. No one appreciates feeling like they’re getting your garbage can of unhappy feelings and frustrated thoughts dumped on them when they log on to listen to music parodies and watch cat videos. (We all know that’s what everyone is really there for!)
Find a trusted confidant and share your bad days with them. Spare everyone the trouble of un-following you because they’re sick of hearing about your faulty carburetor, your domineering boss and unappreciative in-laws.
Over-sharing is a lot like emotional dumping. But instead of being a mental vomit of icky feelings and whiny complaints, it’s more like giving play-by-plays of stuff that quite frankly no one but your personal diary really cares to hear about. We’re talking long descriptions of the infection you got in your blister, a breakdown of how having your gall bladder removed now gives you spontaneous and oily poop, how that thing that happened in your childhood has permanently caused you to have problems with every relationship you’ve attempted, or how the barista screwed up your morning latte and now your life is ruined.
We don’t need to see pictures of your food. We don’t need to know you went to the gym, then the dry cleaners, then then grocery store by way of your favorite car wash. We certainly don’t need to see selfies of you at each location. We don’t care if you’re jumping on the isn’t-it-funny-my-socks-don’t-match or I-just-discovered-if-I-don’t-shave-I’ll-grow-a-beard bandwagon or whatever sheeple thing that everyone else is doing, since crowd following is apparently the only thing you aspire to more than shocking people with your dull and deeply intimate life details. STOP already.
We’ve all seen those annoying status updates that all but scream “Not enough people are noticing me and liking my stuff… TALK TO ME!!” You know the childish ones that insist you leave a comment or say something nice about that person or they’ll un-friend you? It’s the adult equivalent of standing at the top of the playground slide yelling over and over to your parent: “Watch me! Watch me! See what I can do?” No one likes that. No one respects or appreciates you more for crap that is tantamount to emotional blackmail.
“Let’s see how many people are really reading my page. Write one word in the comment section about how you feel about me.” Or “Do you remember how we met? Tell me how and what you thought of me we first met.” “If you could get away with it which one of these would you do? A. Kiss me B. Sleep with me C. Slap me D. Tickle me. Blah, blah blah.” There are so many of these things going around it’s a joke.
Are you honestly that insecure? And if you are, why are you advertising that you have the backbone of a squid and apparently the emotional maturity of a potato? Just don’t. Let us fool ourselves into thinking we’re friends with or related to someone who doesn’t need to demand attention online to feel like a worthwhile person. And for the record? Yes, it would be C. I’d slap you. Hard.
Just more ways to demand attention or seek the approval of others, constantly changing your profile pictures and updating your relationship status are cheap and cheesy ploys. You don’t look much different one day from the next. And if you are going to do something interesting that means you’ll be sporting very different looks in a short period of time, create a folder or album for them and upload them to there. This is the social media version of constantly adding more crap to your front yard which went from being “eclectic” and now could be mistaken for the city dump.
No one needs 38 profile picture changes a month. That’s ridiculous. And even if you go from “single” to “in a relationship” or “engaged” to “married” in two weeks, for the love of god, if that all unravels in the next two weeks or two months, don’t make everyone in your friend list have to watch that updated again but in rewind.
Children and pets are often a person’s pride and joy. But then being a good parent or pet owner is your responsibility and privilege. And while the people close to you are often curious to see how your offspring are sizing up as they grow, they don’t need (or want) or know absolutely everything. But there is a huge difference between posting pictures for the typical birthdays, holidays and special events and going nuts with “My angel is the most darling thing that ever lived on the face of the earth!” updates. Getting on the honor roll in grade school doesn’t deserve a collage. Learning to tie their shoes doesn’t need a poem written in your child’s honor. And your puppy or kitten or cockatoo eating a treat doesn’t need a Youtube video.
There are literally thousands of pets and children being promoted online for just being average. It’s awesome their parents think the world of them, but let’s give attention online to the ones doing truly remarkable things. Like dogs that can identify cancer, rats being trained to find land mines and toddlers that can play complex songs on musical instruments. Your child and pet are cute but they’re not so extraordinary that we need to take time out of our own busy days to watch them doing normal, daily things. Let’s keep things in perspective shall we?
7. Tattle on your loved ones.
Relationships are tricky. People make mistakes and sometimes make bad choices. But don’t use social media to tell everyone how they did something that offended you. Pretend like you know what privacy means.
Here is hoping that you'll learn your lesson and cut it out before you make a terrible reputation for yourself!