Who is Chris Neumer?

While writing a late night blog article that required a picture of a Nicholas Sparks movie poster, I searched through Google Images. In addition to finding a picture I could steal for my post, I happened to see a link to an article that observes some similarities between ALL the Sparks book covers and movie posters. I'd noticed the same thing and was interested to see another person's take on it.

Curiosity got the better of me (as it often does) and despite the late hour, I checked it out. It was funny. And smart. I was intrigued.

One thing led to another and soon I was reading an article about why Jurassic Park is the sloppiest made mainstream movie you’ll ever see. Growing up liking that movie, I was reticent. He was compelling. I read on. He was logical, had empirical evidence and on point observations. He won me over.

At this point I started to wonder (as I often do) about the author of the deliciously pithy articles I’d been reading. Why not, right? It’s only 3:30 in the morning. I only have to be up in 3 hours and 15 minutes.

Whatever.

I decided to do a little reconnaissance mission. So I clicked on Chris Neumer’s Bio. 

I waited for the page to load, expecting to see a face appear or at least a paragraph or two about the person (man or woman? After all, Chris is an androgynous name) to be revealed. 

Not a single bloomin word.

I figured my faulty laptop was just being a jerk and reached for my I-pad. Same thing. 

Muttering under my breath I found my way into my home office and plunked down in front of my barely six month old desktop computer and stared hard at my massive 24” screen. If there was anything at all written about Chris on that Bio, I was going to see every last pixel of it.

The page loaded annnnnnnd. Nothing.

Re-fresh, re-fresh. Nothing. 

How is it that a person who’s job (or at least dedicated hobby) of writing information probing, motivation questioning expose's, has nary a word about himself on the blog site? Is Chris so insignificant there that no one cares to talk about him? Is he a new writer and aside from a few articles he hasn’t been there long enough to create Bio content?

I went back to the main page and it would seem nearly every article I pulled up has the Chris Neumer byline. So why the heck doesn’t this guy have a Bio page??

Undeterred, I Googled him.  

Facebook, Twitter and Linked In all came up in a search for Chris Neumer.

But unless you have accounts with these sites, only Twitter will let you look at his page.  What I did find out though is that Chris is apparently not some lowly writer for the StumpedMagazine site that I’d been losing sleep over.  

He’s the publisher for the film magazine and the head photographer for something called Twenty Seven and a Half Photography.  (And THAT is a nifty site with very modern gadgets and crisp photos of beautiful and widely recognizable people. )

But I was interested in knowing more about Chris Neumen the man. 

The “About” and “Contact” links on the photography page gave me no additional information about this Chris character. So I went back to Twitter to see what I could glean there. More of his excellent humor and observations but no new back story.

?!?!!?!?!

The 4:43 time on my screen mocks me.

Why am I so determined to get the bottom of this? I can only blame it on online dating sites.

I’ve gotten so used to finding out where a person was born, where they went to school, how many kids they have or want and if they like sushi or Radiohead or are following Game of Thrones, that when I’m curious about someone and I cannot find out the intimate details of their lives, I’m aggravated. 

Social media sites are now the vehicle with which we navigate around the people who interest us. IMDB is for movie stars, Wikipedia is for every other kind of historical person and all celebrities new and old and other social media like Facebook, Linked In etc. are for everyone else. Online dating sites are a very real part of social media and an excellent way of discovering juicy tidbits without the entire world being able to Google you by name. BUT in the absence of a person being listed on any of those sites, they fall under “no results” or basically anonymous.

How could someone who has a relatively high involvement with social media have so little to be discovered about?

Between my years as an online dating expert, my background in genealogical research and doing random searches about people for other reasons, (all legal I assure you) I consider myself a pretty good online private investigator. But now that my interest has been quipped by someone, in just over an hour of prying everything but “pay for private information sites” I can hardly tell anything about him other than:

he lives in “the greater Chicago area”

He says of himself: “I am a hybrid writer/fashion photographer with an unhealthy appreciation of Swedish dance music, team demolition derby and box office statistics.”

and that: 

In 2007, Stumped’s Chris Neumer was one of two film writers who were quoted on the DVD box of the special edition release of the movie Cinderella.

Well that’s just bloody brilliant.

Google Images pulled up a plethora of photography and film related photos but a mere four original pictures of the guy who’s pictured on Twitter. It would seem Chris is camera shy in addition to avoiding discussing himself. 

Seeing as he’s a professional writer and photographer, I find that rich with irony.

So much for from-a-distance stalking.

He has a modest following of 51 followers on Twitter, just over 1,000 friends on Facebook and 43 connections on Linked In. Given the quality (and quantity) of his writing and the high profile photography he does, he’s either severely unappreciated or extremely discriminating. 

The best find possibly was this Youtube video of him in action with a camera. 

It would seem that the best way to find out anything about this literary genius Chris guy is by either befriending him on Facebook (that might not get me anything but quirky photos and tongue-in-cheek film observations in my news feed) or by reading every article he’s ever written in the hopes that he spills more personal info. 

But then… that might be the whole point...

Well played Chris. Well played.

Dating: Daring or Caution With Written Sarcasm

When you have spent a lot of time letter writing, it starts to show. 

The same can be said for someone who never writes letters. 

But both can set you up for failure. 

 Whether you don't write enough, your messages are boring, or you write too much, you can end up losing your chance for a reply.

And trust me when I say that it's possible to be very imaginative in writing a letter and think you're being witty, funny or sarcastic when you're really creeping someone out. Or just intimidating the crap out of them.

Here is an instance when my sense of humor backfired. It wasn't a huge loss, but it did result in the guy not responding.

And deleting his profile.

I'm still not sure if he decided based upon my response that this site was full of nut cases, he took my message too literally, or possibly a different (less sarcastic) woman met up with him and they eloped that same weekend. We shall never know.

There are some people who use humor and wit as their stock and trade. For those people, finding a like minded individual is better than stumbling upon a tall pitcher of iced spring water while wandering through a parched desert devoid of anything remotely living.

Those people are rare. Cherish them well.  

But what I do know is that until you get to know someone, unless their profile is equally out there in left field or you have already been writing them for a while and they're not likely to be shocked, you should possibly avoid doing the following:

The Best Make-Over Movies

Top 10 Best Character Make-Over Movies 

From the light hearted romantic comedies to the dark drama cinema, these are some of the finest examples of film characters who had to dig deep and reinvent themselves in order to find their purpose and make their dreams come true.

 

The path is not always obvious, but the outcome is always worth it!  

 

10 Male Characters:

Just Friends  (2005)


The classic tale of a guy getting friend-zoned by his best friend (the girl next door) who he also happens to be madly in love with. When he moves away in humiliation and then makes it big, it's time to go home again to win her heart. Finally. Maybe.

Starring Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart




Hitch  (2005)


Guy with no game grows up to be a relationship expert, helping other guys get their women in three dates or less. But if he's so smooth with the ladies, why is he still single? And why does everything go so wrong when he finally meets his Mrs. Right?

Starring Will Smith and Eva Mendes



The Shape of Things  (2003)


College guy cannot believe his great luck when a smart, attractive and elusive girl is suddenly all into him. He figures they're both in love. But does she have another motivation for her interest? And if she keeps encouraging him to change things about himself, will he wake up one day and discover he's not the same person anymore?

Starring Paul Rudd and Rachel Weisz



Think Like a Man  (2012)


A group of guys think they're incredibly clever when they use a popular relationship advice book to fool their women into thinking they're the perfect men. But they're in for some big surprises when they start to realize that by pretending to be the perfect men, they're actually at some point, no longer pretending. 

Starring Kevin Hart, Michael Ealy, Chris Brown, Romany Malco and Jerry Ferrara



Blast From the Past  (1999)


After spending the first 30 years of his life in a bomb shelter with just his deeply paranoid parents after a plane crash is mistaken for the start of an atomic war, guy finally discovers the real world. But will anyone believe his crazy (yet totally legitimate) back story long enough to give him a chance? Complete with real skies, real women and really complicated love problems.

Starring Brendan Fraser and Alicia Silverstone



Mrs. Doubtfire  (1993)


If reluctant-to-grow-up man is going to keep his children and win back his divorce demanding wife, he's going to have to do some extreme changing. And if that means dressing in drag and impersonating a foreign housekeeper, he's determined to do it. He quickly discovers though that it will take more than a few burnt meals and some light dusting. 

Starring Robin Williams and Sally Field



American History X (1998)

Perfectly content with being a racist, arrogant leader in a cult group, guy is in for a serious wake-up call when he finds himself in prison and the only person who will help keep him from getting killed in there is someone he used to think was beneath him. After discovering his whole life ideology is wrong, he needs to clean up his act fast so that his impressionable younger brother doesn't follow in his life-of-regret filled foot steps.

Starring Edward Norton and Edward Furlong


Gattaca  (1997)


In a future society where your genetics determine your options for career and love, one guy is risking everything to break through the limitations. By redefining who he can be and chasing his dreams he must risk a life of deception and discovery. Along the way he may find love and success or ruin and heartache. But if he cannot have it all, he sees no point to his life.

Starring Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman



The Intouchables

Hoping to get on government assistance by being turned down employment, dead-beat guy discovers there is a whole other way of looking at life (besides the life of poverty, grim prospects and dangerous choices he grew up in) when he actually gets hires to care for a wealthy, educated and life experienced quadriplegic. The unlikely pair are in for a surprising and bumpy road to personal development when they embrace their
differences and realize they have more in common than either realized.

Starring Eric Toledano and Olivier Nakache



Slumdog Millionaire

One guy must defy all odds twice. First by surviving his brutal and violently dangerous childhood and second by proving he is not cheating at the televised game "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire". This will require all his wit and street smarts, plus more luck than he may be able to find. If he wins, freedom and love await him. If he loses, more than poverty and failure will haunt him forever.

Starring Dev Patel, Freida Pinto and Ayush Mahesh Khedkar

10 Female Characters:

                                                                                    Pretty Woman  (1990)


One of the best loved romantic comedies of all time. A young woman living day to day, assumes with no education, no family and no career prospects that she has no other option than selling herself on the street. By chance she meets a closed off businessman who shows her that your personal worth is not something that you let other people decide for you.
 
                                                                                   Starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere



                                                                                    Something New  (2006)


Successful, no-nonsense businesswoman has the ideal job and house and now just needs her IBM (Ideal Black Man) to complete her scheduled, orderly and very bland life. Or so she thinks.  A blind date with everything she is NOT looking for however, helps her realize that her life is lacking color, excitement, and spontaneity. And that her Ideal Black Man, might in fact be White.

Starring Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker




                                                                                    My Big Fat Greek Wedding  (2002)

Few on-screen bag-lady to beauty transformations are quite as dramatic as this one. A soon to hit middle age woman who has the distinction of having no distinction falls for a stranger who happens into her parent's restaurant. Determined to not become the dependent spinster her family has resigned her to, and to win the heart of the man who makes her want more, she must first change how she sees herself so that everyone else will too.

                                                                                    Starring Nida Vardalos and Jon Corbett


                                                                                   200 Pound Beauty (2006)

The voice of an angel and a heart of gold does nothing for a girl trapped in an over-sized body. She realizes that her only hope to catch the eye of the man she loves and gain the career her voice talent could get her, she must undergo a long and painful full body surgery. But she finds out that while being thin and beautiful is wonderful, she no longer knows who she is and may end up losing more than she bargained,        trying to cope with all the unexpected
                                                                                    changes that came with reinventing herself.

                                                                                  Starring  Kim A-joong and Ju Jin-mo



                                                                                 My Fair Lady (1964)

A classic in every sense of the word, this film may have started the make-over trend in movie story telling. When a poor British peddler girl is told by a speech pathologist that by changing the way she speaks she could land a middle class job and provide herself with security, she volunteers for speaking lessons. But when that turns into her being the guinea pig on a wager that she can be passed off as royalty in an
                                                                              upper class ball, she finds out that
                                                                             changing your vocabulary and clothing
                                                                             alters you in ways that there is going back to.

                                                                                Starring Audry Hepburn and Rex Harrison



                                                                                  Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day  (2008)


After getting fired, woman is left homeless, jobless and with just the clothes on her back. Desperate for work she takes what she thinks is a nanny position and is quickly shocked to discover just how much can change in 24 hours. She goes from the soup kitchen to brushing shoulders with the social elite who somehow think that she is a master fixer-upper when it comes to everything from lifestyle choices to
romantic relationships. Can she fool
them long enough to avoid being tossed
                                                                                    to the street as a fraud?  
                                                                                  
                                                                           Starring Frances McDormand and Amy Adams



                                                                                 Life or Something Like It  (2002)

By overcoming a chubby, tough adolescence, woman seems to have it all as an up and coming
news anchor. She has a famous boyfriend, fame of her own and will soon to land a coveted high profile news anchor position. Her life is perfect. But when a homeless man who is never wrong, predicts her death in less than a week, she is left scrambling to prevent the inevitable. She hopes that by re-evaluate her life choices she will somehow save her own life.


                                                                                  Starring Angelina Jolie and Edward Burns


                                                                                The Mirror Has Two Faces (1996)

"Always the bridesmaid, never the bride" middle aged woman hits an all time low when the man she's in love with marries her younger (more attractive) sister instead of her. It's hard enough that she still lives with her once Beauty Queen mother, who dates more than she does. When an awkward but attractive college math professor with odd notions about marriage and companionship, answers a dating ad that her  now married sister created for her, she must
                                                                                 figure out the difference between love and
                                                                                romance and what it means to really love and
                                                                                accept yourself.

                                                                               Starring Barbara Streisand, Jeff Bridges,
                                                                              Laurn Bacall, Pierce Brosnan and Mimi Rogers






(*If there is a movie you think should have made this list, feel free to let me know. There is a good chance that I'm saving it for another Top 10 List so check back again!) 

Dating: Talk Nerdy To Me

Why being well spoken and articulate is sexy and could get you laid!~

Dating: Use Some Imagination When Messaging

To the person who wrote me a message, and is trying to figure out what to say.

To start a conversation out of nothing, you must start with something

That’s witty or funny or shocking or smart, just please don’t ask about my day!

Such dull and mundane monotony, allows for no excitement or expression of nuance.

Would I rather be a a dolphin or a horse or porcupine? however, and you might be luckier with a response.

How I've been or how I feel doesn't really start a conversation.

Try asking me what I would do if I won the lottery or if I believe in reincarnation.

Ask what I would choose if I could only watch one movie or if I had to move to another country.

Do I play the stocks and would I ever buy into a foreign market like Suntory?

Ask me what celebrity I would like to have lunch with, or if I’ve ever ridden The Metro or BART.

And if I could turn back time and restart my life at what age I would want to restart.

Ask me at what age I had my first crush, my first kiss or what my first vehicle was.

And have I ever wondered just how exactly a belly button collects fuzz?

Am I allergic to pine nuts or cats or pollen, do I swell up when stung by a bee?

or if I could have been born in another century would I choose to be royalty?

Ask me if the music I listen to as a teen is the same stuff I listen to today,

Do I believe that religion is how people should live, or I do think another way.

If I could do a guest appearance on any TV show which one I would I want to do.

Ask if I’ve ever dyed or spiked my hair or who I would donate a kidney to.

Would I ever sign up for a reality show or if I take road trips without a destination.

If I’ve ever eaten snake or goat or perhaps if I prefer Italian food, Mexican or Asian.  

Do I think that unicorns and fairies are real or do I shun them in favor of science and logic?

Have I been to a Comic Con, or a gun show, and if I lose my keys do I know how to lock pick?

Do I have a Bucket list full of fun goals we could possibly check off together?

Am I afraid of lighting or love the beach and what is my favorite season and weather.

Do I have any siblings I used to tease, or was I the one who got picked on.

Am I passionate about politics or charities or consider myself a humanitarian?

Do I run Iron-mans, do mud runs or stay home and knit and never take hikes in the dark,

Ask if I volunteer in magic shows, go sky diving or would I swim with a shark

If I've ever performed standup comedy, wanted to be in movies or on the stage in a play,

But for the love of god, PLEASE…! Don't ask me "How was your day?"

Dating: Post Pictures That Get You Messages and Dates

Everyone knows that pictures are the most important thing on an online dating profile. Without a face to go along with a write up, the profile might as well not even exist.

The pictures you choose to post on your profile absolutely makes the difference between someone a) ignoring your profile, b) clicking on your profile and c) deciding to send you a message!

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. But some pictures are worth two or three thousand words. It doesn't take THAT much effort, but the payback is absolutely worth it. Here are a few tricks to create and post the kinds of pictures that will make people want to meet you!

Good Looks Don't Guarantee a Good Match

I get a lot of questions from people. I've decided once a month to take one of them and publicly answer it.

This month: 

"Why are there so many beautiful women on these dating sites that claim to be single? Its obvious that they can have any man they want. Can you help me find a good woman?"
- Ervin, 38, North Carolina

Ervin,

It sounds like you might be a little confused about the way love and romantic connections work. And possibly you aren't considering what it's like to be a woman looking for a happy and long lasting relationship.

Being attractive may give a person more options and probably more opportunities for booty calls or friends with benefits. But it doesn't mean they're going to easily find someone who has their life together, will treat them the way they want to be treated and value them for qualities beyond just being beautiful. Especially if they are looking for something serious, monogamous, or long term like marriage.

Being a beautiful woman doesn't mean they'll easily find a beautiful man who will be a good match for them. Everyone wants their best match (feeling connected, having common interests, strong chemistry, similar goals, etc.). And despite what you think, those qualities are often more important that just simply having a pretty face and a sexy body. Those are nice too, but people are much more than their looks. And relationships MUST be built on more than physical appearance.

Most people want to find someone who is as attractive as they are, but who are also smart, kind, considerate, successful, loyal and generous. That can be EXTREMELY difficult because some people who are extremely attractive are vain, selfish, lazy in relationships and not faithful. 

And many of the really attractive people who are also sweet and successful, are already in relationships or married. 

This is one reason why attractive women often end up with guys who are not in their league. Because the women decide that choosing someone who will cherish them and be loyal to them is more important than choosing someone who is very attractive but doesn't value them and cheats on them.

There is also the fact that possibly the attractive women are the ones who are vain, selfish, and unfaithful. Or maybe they have very limited interests, aren't very good at conversation or have other attributes that turn guys off.

A lot of guys tell me that they were very attracted to a girl when they first met. And then she opened her mouth. The hot girl swore like a sailor, nagged them constantly, whined and complained about everything and gossiped about everyone to the point where the guy couldn't find them attractive anymore. They ended up dating or marrying a slightly less attractive girl or less fit girl who actually shared their interests, appreciated their sense of humor and wanted to make a life with them.

Beauty eventually fades. Character qualities are usually permanent. Not many guys want to get hitched to a bitch just because she’s hot.

So you see, you cannot just look at a person’s profile, decide that you think they are universally attractive and assume they either can have anyone they want or that everyone wants them. It's entirely possible that they are there for the same reasons you are: Because you have just not found a person who makes you want to forget everyone else exists, that also feels that way about you.

I’ve checked out your profile. It’s entirely empty!  I’m sorry, but I absolutely cannot help someone find anything when they have not taken the time to fill out their profile completely and include several good, current pictures of them self. You have exactly ZERO pictures of yourself. Pictures are the very first thing people look at on a profile.  Without them, you really don’t have much of a profile.

If you want to seriously have results, you have to be serious about your effort. Why should a smart, attractive woman who is a keeper talk to a guy who doesn't bother to explain who they are or what they want and also hides how they look? Short answer: They won’t.

When you really want to have some success with online dating, you know where to start.