Saturday, February 8, 2014

Open Letter Dating Advice: Woman's Perspective

Your profile says that you're new to this state, and while that shouldn't matter when it comes to internet dating sites, which are all over the world, I'm gonna cut you some slack and let you in on a little secret.

Girls who are fit, reasonably attractive and have their life together get a LOT of mail. I'm not bragging. If I could get 90% of it to STOP..I would. I feel like I'm wasting my life rummaging through 50+ messages a week from guys who aren't fit, aren't attractive, don't have their life together and don't even want a real relationship. It's depressing!

 So...girls cut through the crap by just eliminating guys. A LOT of eliminating. Let the deleting begin! They will:

1) Delete anyone who doesn't have a picture.  

2) Delete anyone married, in a relationship or just looking for an intimate encounter.

3) Delete anyone who is very much outside the desired age range.

4) Delete anyone they're not attracted to even a little.

5) Delete anyone who doesn't bother to write anything about themselves in their profile.

6) Delete anyone who can't type/ speak proper English. 

7) Delete anyone who lives further than 50 miles away.

8) Delete anyone who doesn't have a job, a car and at least one normal hobby.

9) Delete anyone who comes off as rude, needy, stalkerish, angry, violent or suspicious.

10) Delete anyone who's first message is ONLY (any variation of) "Hey what's up?" or "Hi, how you doing?"

Now I realize you probably were nodding your head over the first 9 points and then probably stopped at #10 thinking "Now hang on a second.... I DO that... that get's my messages deleted?? But I'm completely solid on all the other points! That's not fair! Why does just saying "hello, how are you?" going to get my message deleted?"

Before you get all flustered over what seems like an injustice, consider this: If you get ten messages from people and they all say nearly word for word the exact same thing... wouldn't you get tired of responding to them??

Wouldn't you get to a point where you would hate to have to keep responding to those same short, dull messages with just different faces, day after day, week after week, month after month, possibly for years?? You'd want to scream too. Or crumple something up and throw it. Or just take a deep breath and delete them all. Screw it. It's too boring and tedious to be bothered.


One line sentences say.."I didn't read your profile, I don't know anything about you, I just looked though your pictures, thought were attractive and wrote you a really lazy message to see if you'll pay attention to me without my taking any real effort to know you."

So people...if you are guilty of writing these obnoxious and impersonal one line messages (and we all know you send to about a dozen girls every week or so) and are annoyed that they almost NEVER get responded to, you should know it's because they just deleted them. But there is a way to STOP getting deleted!

If you want to get the attention of a woman who is being bombarded by tons of guys on a regular HAVE TO STAND OUT. If you do just the bare minimum... you'll get the bare minimum....basically they might glance at your profile and delete your sorry message.

I'm really just trying to help you guys. I know you have a lot of competition. And I know there aren't too many girls who are in shape and who aren't crazy or have a ton of drama going on. So take this advice and stop having your messages get deleted.

Have an original subject heading. Trust me, it will get her attention over the typical "hi" or "hey".

Try humor. Even just having a joke in a subject heading or a message will get WAY more attention than the hundreds of "hi how are you?" that a girl has to read over and over and over again. Be original. Even weird is at least more interesting than boring. 

If you make her smile (or better yet laugh) chances are good she'll come back for more. Everyone likes people who make them laugh.

Say something about HER. Even if it's just a short sentence/ observation. 

And for the love of Pete, DON'T say she has pretty eyes, a pretty smile or "seems smart/ laid back / down to earth/ or really cool". (I swear, if I had a nickel for every time some guy said those things in an email to me... GROAN.... DELETE. ) Mention something she said about herself IN her profile. She gave you stuff to talk about... so talk about it!

DON'T talk about yourself in your message to her. If a girl feels like you're just saying hello to get her to read 5 paragraphs you wrote about how great YOU are, why should she read it? She was hoping you were writing her because you noticed HER out of all the other girls out there!

Write about you in YOUR profile. That way after you've impressed her with your funny message that says something about her that shows you actually read her profile...she'll be eager to get to your page and read all about YOU.

But it HAS TO happen in THAT ORDER.

If you can get a conversation going because you were the ONE GUY who made her smile or laugh, she might not care if you don't some of the other criteria she's looking for. If nothing else, you'll at least get a conversation going and possibly a meet. And that's the first step to finding a romantic relationship (or even a really great friend). Right?

I've read soooo many "What's up?" "How's is going?" and "How is your days?" that sometimes I want to just give up talking to people online altogether.

So sorry, but the "How are you?" that you just sent... is going in the garbage.

Just think about this from the stand point of a girl for a second. Unless you write something to stand out, you all sound like robots. So if I can't find a smart, funny, clever guy online, I might as well hold out for the tallest, handsomest and riches robot in the bunch right? 

Hope that helps get you more game!

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