Saturday, October 10, 2009

Men, Women & Wedding Rings

About a week ago one of the radio stations I sometimes listen to had one of the women on the show ask questions to three guys who were in the studio.

It had already started when I tuned in and so I missed the first part that explained who they were and why they were being asked these questions.

It's probably safe to say though that since they were all straight adult males who have been in relationships before (I think one had been married and divorced) they could represent "the average" guy.

The woman just about drove me nuts with her questions to the guys. She asked them questions like:

"When you were younger, what did you dream your wedding would be like?"

"How important is it for you to have a big wedding or to have it at a certain location.."

"What about rings? Do you think just bigger is better?"

"How should your woman let you know what kind of ring she wants? Should she tell her sisters and girlfriends and have them tell you?"

It was ridiculous! I was choking on my laughter over just how naive this woman was and just how little she understands about how guys think.

I also really felt sorry for the guys, having to answer her crazy chick questions on live radio.

Obviously these three single men don't want to come across as jerks, stingy or insensitive, for all the world to hear. But the fact of the matter is these guys clearly didn't know how to even wrap their heads around the absurdities of these questions!

I'M a female and even I NEVER pictured in my mind my "Dream Wedding" as a child, or teen or even an adult! To think that little boys or guys would? It's ridiculous!

First of all, the vast majority of guys don't really see getting married as an achievement or a goal until they're nearly middle aged. Even then some avoid it like the plague!

Freedom, tools, fast cars, tough trucks, bikes or jets, weapons, adrenaline and getting drunk or laid or both... now THOSE are what guys "dream" about!

Guys don't "fantasize" about getting hitched to one woman who will likely nag him to death, drive him insane with her demands and inevitable onslaught of pushy, critical family and judgmental friends!

I give the guys kudos for managing to give answers that were both ambiguous yet honest enough to satisfy her.

While no guy wants to be known as the man who's wife has the smallest and cheapest ring, most guys really just want to make their woman happy and put something on her finger that shows she's taken without having to remortgage the house. They are all probably hoping that their woman is easy to please, choosing something tasteful and not too expensive and then loving it- but more importantly loving THEM.

Guys like simple. I will never understand why women have to over complicate things. Even romantic guys don't want to have to go through their woman's entourage of estrogen support to discover something that really should be just between the two of them.

Either she should tell him what she wants or they should make the selections together. If she wants to be "surprised" she should give him no more than two choices in different price ranges that she would honestly be happy with. And then she should be happy to have the man- not focus on a piece of metal and slice of minerals.

One of the guys accurately assessed that the choice of everything from the ring to the dress and even honeymooning destination is something that all their woman's female friends and family will either praise or criticize.

For the life of me I cannot see why their opinions should even factor into the equation. The wedding is for the bride. The focus should be on her and the decisions made by her. The wedding night is for the groom. The families and friends should not infringe on the bride and groom's choices and preferences.

Personally, I think there is entirely too much emphasis on the wedding. The amount of time and effort that typically goes into a "private" wedding should be reserved for parades, festivals and national events. It's a marriage. Not a circus.

So much focus is put on who will attend, what the attendees will wear, registering at stores, what kind of paper the invitations are printed on and on and on... I think the love and joy of the couple is completely lost. With the attention on jealous bridesmaids, in-law conflicts and whether the correct flowers will be in season or if the day will bring sun or a natural disaster does anyone even remember that the point of a marriage is to lawfully join a couple in their journey through life?

The expensive and stressful day becomes one of anxiety and frustration. Too much value is placed on details and will not in any way, shape or form contribute to the happiness or longevity of their union. And isn't that really what matters? Women get so caught up in this over-the-top girlish fantasy "event" that the groom really becomes just one more detail to "organize". It's insanity.

To the question about a "dream" wedding, the guys admitted they never really thought about it when they were younger. I think they were surprised that the radio host thought they should have.

Amazingly enough, after her crazy questions that left the poor guys sweating bullets and scrambling to agree on answers that they've never spent a millisecond thinking about individually or collectively, this insanely naive female radio host wrapped up the segment by making a most baffling statement that made me wonder if she heard *anything* the guys had said.

"Well, I guess men and women really aren't that different after all."


Guys. On behalf of women everywhere...I'm sorry female are so completely confusing.


Allan said...

Are you sure you're not a man?? I always heard women start planning their weddings when they're 7.

As an 'average' guy, I HAD my dream wedding. She picked the date, the location, who would attend, what we would say, eat, do, wear... A man's role in any wedding is to attend. It is the woman's day and the best thing any man can do is realize that and (the chauvanist in me hates this part) let her do whatever she wants.

As for size, bigger is not better but cheap is unacceptable. A 1/2 carat real diamond will always be a better choice than a 2 carat cubic zirconia. My ex's engagement ring was only happened to be 1/3 carat but I had never seen a ring like it and I've not since. It was simple but it was perfect... And now it's probably in a pawn shop somewhere.

schwarzefahne said...

I want to stand tall before all of my friends and loved ones and proclaim my undying love and eternal dedication to the woman of my dreams, the woman who means so much to me, and I want to share that moment. The cake, ring, bridesmaids, ceremony, honeymoon, flowers, reception and all other particulars are not in the least important to me, and I hope I will find and marry a woman who feels the same way.

That is my description of my "dream wedding", that it will be a special moment between my love and I, which could be shared with all the other important people in my life, without worring about all the particulars. You know, it pretty much sounds like my take on life, hmmm.

schwarzefahne said...

...and you know what else? This nagged me the other night while I tried to sleep.

Slaves dream about freedom while free men breathe it. Tools and tough trucks are what we use to achieve our dreams of success, comfort and security. Fast cars, bikes and jets are for boys. Weapons should only be means to protect the freedom we fight for. And boys dream about getting drunk and getting laid. Men should be dreaming about a quality beer, a bottle of fine wine and a good woman to share his life with.

Adrenaline? Now that's what I dream about! I dream about obtaining those rare moments in my life when I can bearly breathe. That instant my woman calls me, when I watch the sun rise while sitting on my surf-board, those miniscule milliseconds between riding my bike and eating dirt. Huzzah!