Friday, February 26, 2010

Waiting For the Crazies

I can’t quote Billy Currington’s song here because I don’t necessarily believe in a god and I definitely don’t drink beer. But one thing is absolutely true.

People are crazy.

Every last one of them. (Yeah. Including me.)

In some way, to some extent everyone is somehow a little bit crazy.

Whether you’re dating someone new or considering a business partnership it is very, very important to know a person long enough to find out in what way(s) they are crazy and how badly before you commit yourself to a legal binding contract with them.

Crazy isn’t always necessarily a bad thing.

Some people are strange on purpose. They usually make a career out of their eccentricities and it pays really well. Maybe they’re just working the oddities of their natural personality or amping up coping skills they developed as insulation against their early life experiences.

Other people are just extremely unique in how they think, act or look and people are drawn to them for reasons of fascination, for entertainment or enlightenment.

Socrates come to mind. (Aristotle is another.) This philosopher was one of the greatest thinkers of his era. And I assure you, the vast majority of people who were unable to understand him or unwilling to suspend disbelieve to take in his radical ideas- considered him stark raving mad. Ultimately his uniqueness cost him his life. He was judged by a trial that found him guilty of "corrupting the minds of the youth" with his radical ideas and philosophies, and guilty of "not believing in the gods". His sentence? Death by poison.

Very creative and gifted people tend to become famous for those very abilities that caused or at least contributed to them becoming crazy.


It would be impossible to overlook the deeply artistic but mentally self tortured individual Vincent van Gogh. His style of painting may have influenced his peers and every generation afterwords, but his name is practically synonymous with whatever creative gene that causes a person to self mutilate.

Shakespeare is another case of brilliance teetering precariously on the perch of “somewhat bazaar”. No one can argue with the clever way he crafted angry religious and political satire into flowing ribbons of eloquence. But along with great wit and talent he exhibited some very disturbing behavior in some of his writings.

And then there are some people who are for whatever reason just not right in the head. They do extreme things either to gain attention or to differentiate themselves from others perhaps to visually ostracize themselves to mirror the way they already feel emotionally and socially ostracized. They’re generally considered “social deviants”. It's no longer politically correct to state the obvious, but the fact is, normal, well adjusted people do not feel the need to call THIS much attention to themselves 24/7 by the entire world.

The fear with these kinds of people is that their craziness doesn't just stop at their physical appearance. A perfect example are people like Jeffrey Dahmer who are normal in appearance but clearly disturbed in every other possible way.

The average person though isn’t quite as extreme as any of these examples. They just have small quirks and personality ticks that make them funny or familiar to some and irritating and strange to others.

Ultimately though, most people get to know another person slowly and over the course of time. People reveal themselves a conversation at a time. Evidence of their character comes through a series of actions, verbalized opinions and personal choices. And unless a person is overtly “in your face” about who they are or exhibit frequent and vicious mood swings which would be hard to hide, most people faults and crazies can remain hidden for upwards of months.

And so it’s wise to wait. Allow time and situations as they present themselves construct a clearer picture of the person you’re getting to know. And it will come out eventually. Then you can decide if their version of crazy and the level of their craziness is something you're prepared to deal with.

Because as we can all agree:

Everyone is a little crazy.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

How Do I NEED Thee?

According to Wikipedia this is the meaning of need.

Need: A need is something that is necessary for humans to live a healthy life. Needs are distinguished from wants because a deficiency would cause a clear negative outcome, such as dysfunction or death.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Chocolate Covered Loneliness

It just started off as a simple scoop of 'half the fat' Fudge Tracks ice cream.

Innocent enough.

But a Hershey syrup bottle tempted from the refrigerator rack.

And container of Carmel left over from a birthday was immediately next to it compelling me to add it to the mix.

Then a liberal sprinkling of mini baking semi-sweet chocolate chips topped what was supposed to be a small treat but rapidly evolving into a caloric nightmare.

Before I could consider adding some mini-marshmallows I’d bought to accompany hot chocolate from the previous snowy week, I stopped to look at the loaded down dish of decadence before me. What was I doing?

I’d wandered into the kitchen looking for…something and wound up with a bowl containing enough dessert to feed several people my size.


Is this what I’d wanted when I came to the kitchen? I brought a spoonful to my mouth and savored the different rich flavors and textures. The cold sweetness filled my mouth and overwhelmed my senses for a moment. As it slipped down the back of my throat I paused. Waiting.

No. This was admittedly good, but not what I was looking for. I stood there for a few moments rolling around in my head various alternatives. What did I want?

After nearly half a lifetime of clean, healthy living, I’m pretty in tune with what my body does and doesn’t like and what it’s asking me for when I get a feeling something is missing or not quite right.

The Carmely-chocolate concoction sat like a cold rock in my stomach. I wasn’t even hungry. But I was looking for a sensation that feels a bit like being full and getting a sugar rush.

A few moments later it dawned on me.

Love. I was wanting to feel loved.

Scientist have known quite a while now that chocolate contains three chemicals that release “feel good” sensations in the brain. Theobromine, Caffeine and Phenylethylamine all give the body a quick push of feeling perked up, content, energetic and an excitement similar to the sensations felt when falling in love.

Foods and substances are so chronically used to self-medicate by people who are lonely, depressed, unhappy or single it’s a complete cliche. I’m not sure why it was surprising to identify that in myself.

I put the bowl down. After identifying the problem I could think of two better alternatives to a chocolate binge. And alternatives that wouldn’t wreck hazard on the proper fit of my sexy wardrobe.

First, I needed to get some adrenaline. Now!

Physically demanding activities (such as manual labor and exercise) and dangerous sports (like white river rafting and sky diving) also release feel good chemicals into the brain that stimulate and temporarily satisfy a need for that elusive something I identified as feeling loved.

Statistics show that people who are very physically active tend to crave salty foods instead of sweet ones. Since they're sweating and need to replenish their body's salt levels and they're getting a regular dose of adrenaline which could replace a need for chocolate, it makes sense.

The second thing? I needed to find someone to bestow attention on. Since I'm not in a relationship and don't have that connected regular feeling of giving and getting love with a romantic partner, I needed to strengthen the feelings with someone else in my life. A friend or a family member perhaps.

I needed to find someone to connect with using my top one or two Love Languages so I could feel loving and loved. And since I've already identified my order of The Five Love Languages, it wasn't hard to figure out how to make that happen.

I headed off to the gym after making a few phone calls to set up some plans.

Thank goodness I'm an educated, cerebral person who can identify my own problems and then deal with them appropriately in productive and effective ways.

If not, I have a feeling my solution to wanting to feel loved would have entailed devouring that bowl of chocolate covered loneliness and then buying a cat.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Internet Dating for Dummies

What TO do.
What NOT to do.
And where to look.

To read some Internet Dating Stories.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Valentine Blues

A day for the lonely and the broken-hearted.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

You Don't Know What Love Is

So you think you can love someone? You might even think you're good at it.

Chances are...you're wrong.