Friday, February 12, 2010

Dropping The L Bomb

The 10 Worst Times And Ways To Say "I Love You."

1. The first day you met. “Hi, my name is …and I love you!” No. Definitely not. Unless you want to scare your date witless you shouldn’t even think about uttering those three words any time in the “getting to know you” phase. This includes the first week and even the first month. You don’t know them. You can’t love them yet. Saying that will just make you seem incredibly desperate or stalkerish and obsessive. If you can’t control your urge to say something, try “I think I really like you.”

2. Said as a text message. Certain conversations deserve the honesty of being face to face. Break ups, marriage proposals, saying “I hate you” and confessing “I love you” should never, ever, ever be sent as a text message or a voice mail. Don’t be a coward or a pussy. If you feel THAT strongly about a person, have the balls to say it to their face.

3. Hoping to get laid. “Yes, I love you. Now can we have sex?” If you love them, then tell them. If you just want sex, admit you just want sex. But don’t tell a person you love them just so you can get a piece of ass. Not only will that bring all kind of new “relationship” problems, but you’re just asking for bad karma.

4. They demand to hear it. If the other person has to threaten you with a fate worse then death to get you to say those three word, save yourselves the trouble of saying it. Love can’t be forced, bought, sold or bartered for. It will just be a big fat lie you’ll have to either constantly defend or finally admit to.

5. During sex. Passions run high during the heat of the moment but if you spill your guts during the act of sex the other person will always wonder whether you really meant it or if you were so high on endorphins from the experience that it’s what you tell everyone when you climax.

6.To stop a breakup. “Yeah I said you’re a stupid b-tch but don’t leave me…I love you!” One or both of you are going to need psychotherapy after a fight like that. Play fair in fights and break ups. Don’t trash talk because you’re angry. Don’t manipulate with words that should be said lovingly. If you’re not good together it doesn’t matter who’s fault it is and it doesn’t matter what you say, it won’t fix the problem.

7. Incredibly bad timing. Maybe it’s in a football stadium with 10 thousands of screaming fans drowning out your declaration, or just after they had dental surgery so their mouth is numb and they can’t say it back. Or saying it in a foreign language they don’t understand. Heck maybe it’s even when one of you is sitting on the pooper. Since announcing your love to someone for the first time can only be done once and never repeated, put a little thought into. And before you open your mouth, be at least reasonably sure they feel the same way. Bad timing will be the least of your worries if they announce they don’t love you!

8. When it’s an affair. People in love don’t sneak around behind their partners back doing sexual acts with other people. End of story. So clearly you’re not in love with the person you’re committed to. Relationships that start when one person is already involved or married are tainted from the start. Even if a divorce/ break up would be messy or there are kids involved- end one relationship before trying to start another. Unless of course you just love drama and misery.

9. After getting caught cheating. Saying I love you is not a band aid. If you have screwed up in an unforgivable way, saying it is NOT going to make everything all better. Don’t rub salt in the wound by saying that kind of f’ed up ish.

10. As a way to dump them. “I love you but it’s over” is only slightly better than saying I love you and then leaving them never planning to call or see them again. Don’t do that. No one deserves that. Well, unless they just pulled a # 9 on you!

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