Monday, November 30, 2009

Wait and See


I’m not sure.


We’ll just have to wait and see.

Is there any more infuriating answer than a ton of uncertainty and doubt?

While I am single again, I didn't want to be. I'm not the kind of person/girl to wear their heart on their sleeve, but I admit if I'd had my way, I'd have never been single again. For better or worse, after 14 months with this one guy, I gave my heart away. It's been AWOL for the last month that he's been gone and try as I might, I don't know how to get my heart back. Maybe it's just too soon. I dearly hope to someday have it again, even if it's just to find someone else to offer it to.

Until that happens though, I am not in the right place for an emotional relationship with anyone. I'm actively trying to avoid anything like love...for a while.

The Frozen Food Guy (someone I met at the grocery store) is safe. He's military and moving in February. I doubt he's coming back. It's ironic that the very situation that got me so f*ed up, (a military guy who's leaving) is now the safest arrangement for me! I guess because it forces everything to stay friendly and very casual and that's really what I need right now, even if it's not what I want.

Mr. Frozen Foods and I hung out once, but I'm not entirely sure we'll ever even hang out again. A lot of guys DO find hanging out with a girl they have no future with a waste of time. I respect their decision.

For me though, hanging out with random people I may or may not ever see again still amounts to conversation, fun, learning new things and having new experiences with someone who may look at the world differently than I do. I find value in it. There is something to be said for companionship too.

I know also that social experiences are important for getting over Mr. Heart-break Guy and moving on with my life. The more people I meet, the more I can be reminded that he's not the only guy in the world.

There is the rare, off-chance that I'm afraid to even cross my fingers about. That would be that the carrier of my heart brings it back when the military is done ordering him around and he and I ride off into the sunset.

Of course, I'm too practical to actually believe anything like THAT ever happens. But then again, my BFF got married at 18 and they've been together going strong for almost 13 years now! It may not be a fairy tale (we all know those aren't real) but their relationship IS real and enviable.

Either way, I'm taking this time as a newly single person again to knock out some of my goals and just re-enter the dating world. And taking it slow. REALLY slow.

I think it's important to form a friendship with someone before it takes a romantic turn anyway.

So taking my time getting to know people is a potential investment. It may amount to nothing. It may turn into a life long friendship. They may turn out to be the love of my life. I'll have no way of knowing unless I take the time to find out.

And as frustrating as that is, I'm willing to wait and see.

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