Monday, May 11, 2009

How To: Hit on a Girl

While hanging out with some guys at a bar the other day, I got a few men to give me some insight into some things when it comes to women.

One of their common complaints is that the guy is usually expected to make the first move. I reminded them that in most of the animal kingdom the males are the pursuers. They agreed, but still think that it is incredibly sexy and flattering when a girl just walks up and gives them a compliment or starts the conversation. Mental note.

If the roles were reversed, I have to admit that I would get tired of always being the one to initiate. But I also couldn’t help but wonder if maybe part of these guy's frustration is they’re just not completely sure of the right way to go about it, so it feels like more work and they don't get the results they want as often.

The art of hitting on a girl starts before you get anywhere near her. In fact, I’d say the first and most important thing is deciding which girl to hit on. With some girls it wouldn’t matter what line you gave them, how you looked or with what finesse you might be able to woo them: some girls just get off on denying a guy. Or maybe their standards are just unrealistically high. But assuming we’re dealing with an average girl here, there are a few things guys should know:

Look for clues to availability. Always, always check for a ring on the tell-tale finger first. Then look to make sure she’s not there with someone. It could be that another guy is talking with and flirting with her, but is not actually there with her. If she’s making full eye contact with him, whispering in his ear, smiling at his touching or resting her head against his arm or chest, it’s probably safe to consider her taken. But, unless she is kissing him or draping herself across him or holding hands, there is a good chance any touching between the two of them, is coming from the guy. This could mean she is still fair game. A girl who talks animatedly with a guy or several guys, may just be really friendly and likable.

Check out her body language. Girls who are receptive to a male’s attention sit with their backs straight, chest out. They fiddle with an earring, adjust their skirt or shirt and fuss with their hair. They glance around a lot and open their eyes slightly wider than usual. They exude nervous or restless energy even if they’re holding perfectly still. They might lick their lips, play with a straw or something in their hands like their car keys or cell phone. They cross their legs or ankles and unconsciously tilt their hips. If there is a guy in the room she’s attracted to, she’ll often rotate her body or chair to face their direction. If she’s facing you, she might have already noticed you and is waiting to see if you’ll return the attention.

Make eye contact. A girl who is interested will usually hold eye contact for a least at least 4 seconds. The longer the eye contact the stronger the interest and the more confident she is. If her eyes dart away after catching yours, don’t give up yet. She might be shy or just surprised you’re looking at her. If she glances back at you and smiles or even ducks her head down to hide a smile, she’s probably interested. An experienced flirter or confident girl will then indicate for you to join her or she’ll come to you. A female who’s not used to a lot of attention or is more reserved will sneak glances at you, hoping you’ll start a conversation. I you catch her looking at you repeatedly and her facial expression is open, interested or friendly, consider that an invitation to talk to her.

Originality is always refreshing. Whether it’s a statement, a gesture or a question, doing something out of the ordinary is a great way to stand out and catch a girl’s interest. Making a comment about something happening right then, something interesting in the news/media/entertainment industry or offering a compliment are good ways to start a conversation. Insulting someone else (in the room, that you both might know etc.) is never a good idea. You don't want to make your first impression a negative one. Insults are always negative, even if you think they're funny.

Pick up Lines.
Whether the girl likes what you say or not, you still get points for having the guts to say something to her.

This blog is not finished. More to follow...

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