Tuesday, September 2, 2014

First Message Approach: You're Doing It Wrong

I get messages like these a lot. And I imagine that other women do as well. Especially women who wear more revealing clothing in their pictures. I'm sure guys just think they're being "honest" and "flattering". But it's really not. 

That kind of deeply sexual statement is something you only say to a women AFTER you've gotten to know each other, have some familiarity/ comfort level and have established that there is mutual interest. It is NOT how you introduce yourself.

For the women who get these messages there are a variety of ways to respond to that kind of "I see you as a sexual object" kind of commentary. 

Being offended. 
Just ignoring it. 

But I like to be constructive. I want to help change people's perspectives not just modify their behavior. I see that as the way to really get to the root of the problem and correct it, not just kick it as a temporary fix. I honestly believe that by explaining the WHY and the HOW behind something, you make it so people go about things the right way for the right reasons.

The funny this is, by overly sexualizing women a lot of guys eliminate all possibility of getting what they want! I mean, isn't the guy's goal to get the woman to meet him and like him enough to be willing to have sex with him? And doesn't he have to get her interested in meeting him first? And doesn't he need to at least act like someone she would want to be around in order for any of that other stuff to happen? 

If that's not the case and guys don't really expect or hope to get the girl to meet them, then it's harassment plain and simple. And if guys aren't embarrassed by harassing a girl just because she's a girl.. they should be!

Hopefully we can eventually get to a place where this concept becomes more mainstream and the idea of talking to each other like human beings will take on.

Until then, I'll keep trying to plant the seeds of common sense and common decency, one message at a time.

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