On Fixing a Sink

From My Journal Sept. 05

The phone rang just before 6 p.m. It was Rachel's mom calling to say Rachel would be unable to come baby-sit the kids tonight. I was not pleased and handed the phone to Andrew. She didn't give a reason why, but Andrew dealt with it better than I would have, considering my level of irritation and frustration left over from earlier that day. We were both very surprised and not a bit happy, since we were both very much looking forward to skating together and then getting Andrew a 'thunder' desert at The Outback for his birthday.

I tried calling Alison to see if she was available, but she had plans. She was very apologetic though and said to say 'Happy Birthday' to Andrew.

I hated to call her right back since she'd just left, but I hated more the idea of staying at home tonight if it could be helped. so I called Susan and left a message on her answering machine to see if she was interested in earning more money. She called back shortly. Unfortunately she already had plans too. Who would have thought that having one primary babysitter and two back ups wouldn't be enough?

The phone rang again closer to 7 and I let myself for a moment hope that it might be Rachel or Susan calling to change their mind. Turns out it was Andrew's dad. I know he's all into that kind of thing so I mentioned to him that I just fixed the leaky faucet in the master bathroom by replacing the rubber washer and spring in the knobs. I couldn't tell if he was impressed or not, since it's a relatively simple thing to do if you know how and you've done it before. It was my first time though, so undoubtedly it seemed like a bigger accomplishment to me.

Andrew wasn't pleased that I was donning or discarding rubber gloves from having repaired the faucet. But- it has been leaking for months- months, and from a financial standpoint, it will be helpful for us to not be paying anymore huge monthly water bills from a slow steady drizzle from the tap.

He turned downright peevish though when I decided to change out the throat of the sink, which has had a history of leaking into the under part of the sink and cabinet. It took a couple hours because I thoroughly cleaned everything before putting it back together, and it was a nasty dirty job, but I didn't mind so much and found it rather satisfying in lieu of the evening's disappointments.

Andrew claimed he would have preferred for us to take the kids with us to The Outback even if we couldn't skate, but he seemed to be able to find things to occupy him as well. Not to mention that when I suggested we leave doing the dishes and vacuuming until tomorrow- he protested adamantly stating I just didn't understand about him being a creature of habit. All I can say is he has in recent months become the personification of the classic Virgo- from the clear thinking, to the home-body-ishness, to the almost ritualistic clean-oholicism.

It was kinda fun to discover what exactly was causing the sink's problem(s), since it turns out there was more than one, and to rectify the situation. From a problem-solving-with-immediate-gratification standpoint- it was entirely therapeutic.

Unfortunately the problems were from not only erosion of the rubber seal, and excessive rusting of the throat tube, the sink basin its' self was rusted beyond repair and to the point of being unable to contain fluid or air even, and the new rubber seal was not able to stop the leak. The basin needs to be replaced, and I see now that it would actually be a really simple thing for me to do. Having taken out the old sink now- putting a new one in might take 20 minutes. Andrew seemed to think though, that we would be unable to find a new basin that would fit the old counter and that it would cost in excess of $300. I was disappointed.

Not only would it have been very satisfying to have replaced it myself, it would have been a constant source of endorphin releasing pleasure to see a brand new, shiny, clean basin and knobs in the bathroom. Seeing the old, corroded, dirty-beyond-cleaning ones, has a pessimistic influence on me- every time my brain registers their presence. It's like negatively charged Chi.

I think this is one more reason why buying a "fixer-upper" house would be in one way a fun challenge for me- one that could potentially bring me lots of satisfaction, but ultimately would preoccupy the majority of my time and energy and as the funding would be limited, would be conversely a constant source of frustration for me. Ultimately it would also be overwhelming and I would find myself more dissatisfied, than satisfied. I think it's good to know that about myself.

That being said, I almost wish I knew someone who needed something like that installed- because I would very much like to do it again. Holy-crap-stinky mess and all.

[MySpace Posted Wednesday, May 30,2007 ]

A Ghost Writer's Frustration

Back in 2005 when we were still married, my ex was going through medical school. I wasn't taking college classes anymore, but had done well in them, particularly with writing assignments. Since he was working part time and taking a full load of classes, I’d help him out whenever possible.


I saw getting him through medical school as both our responsibility since it would benefit us both, and any time I freed up from his studies would grant him more time for ‘us’ and him to play with our three children.

This ‘assistance’ frequently included writing most or all of his writing assignments. I greatly missed going to school, but with three small children and a full time job it wasn’t really an option at this point for me, so the chance to have assignments with deadlines and topics you had to research or use sources for was a welcome diversion

It was a bit of a two edged sword though. While I enjoyed crafting the assignments and liked having something structured to do and the satisfaction of turning it in anticipating how it would be received, it was sometimes hard knowing I would never get credit for it. Any praise and accolade would be given to my ex. Still, when my ex would bring the returned assignments home I would greet him at the door demanding to see them, eagerly wondering what commentary the professor would have added to a grade. According to my teachers and professors starting in high school, my being published was an inevitability. It was gratifying to see words like that written on the top page of the ‘collaborations’ we turned in for my ex.

I also struggled with the fact that because the assignment was not mine, my ex would go over it and sometimes annihilate my beautiful prose or chop away at whole paragraphs since I had (okay, have) a tendency for verbiage and to tailor it more to his style. For assignments that were more creative and less accademic, or that I'd pressed more energy into, I found this particularly distressing.


****

(excerpt from my 2005 Journal)

Andrew had roughly the first two paragraphs formed, and after reading it, I was immediately able to generate enough ideas and enthusiasm to turn it into a 3 ½ double spaced paper. It was close to four in the morning when I finally showered and went to bed, and in the morning Andrew made some modifications. I wish I'd saved a copy of my original work (before he chopped up a bunch of my prose and changed some of the language and sentence structure) but I've highlighted the areas I believe he made modifications to.

Battle of the Elements

At every corner of every continent a battle has been raging since the dawn of the globe. This eternal battle continues at every moment; morning and night, twenty-four hours a day. The warriors do not tire or disengage from fear or pain; nor do they feel sorry for themselves. All they know is battle. Their entire consciousness is one of struggle. They comprehend nothing outside the confines of war. 'Attack and defend' is their endless mantra; over and over and nothing more. Anything beyond this paradigm would seem foreign and incomprehensible.

At any given beach a battle is raging between the ocean and the shore. Each is a military superpower boasting armies of infinite and unquantifiable magnitude. The ocean's armies of soldiering waves relentlessly attack the shore's brigade of sand. The waves try to displace sand, robbing the shore of its strong hold. The shore however, defends itself by sending the sand to stoically fight, and defend its home in an often losing battle.

The two face off, stubbornly raging a tireless trade of territory. Their generals watch in glowering solitude from afar. From one the spittle of the ocean's violent temper demonstrates a foul and deadly enemy. From the other, a hot irritation of grit and resistance represents stoicism. It sucks the life sustaining moisture from it's adversary to reinforce its own obstinate stand.

The water's tactics are one of demanding persistence. It can be an alternating offense of consistent slow wearing. Or a harrowing tirade determined to break down its opponent's resistance, and sometimes lull the beach into a less defensive position.

The beach has a strategy of placement. It is the allocation of resources and the shifting sands of brilliantly numerous footmen. It absorbs what it can of it's foe on the front lines. It pits the arsenal of plant lives that weave a hold onto the dirt and build natural reef barriers between the shoreline and the full fury of a thwarted ocean.

The wind occasionally allies with the waves in a champion effort of tsunami force. Clouds, wisps of the ocean's camouflaged cavalry ride in gaining momentum to form an angry billowing mob. Aided by the growl of thunder and biting retorts of lightning to smite the beach, together they unleash a downpour of 'Take that'.

The sand is devastated and helpless. Its callously brought to it's knees; overpowered by united might of torrent liquid and atmospheric velocity. It endures the cruelty of defacement. Along with a compromised value, it's abandoned by all co-habitants. It then must submit to a submerged torturous existence, held captive by an arrogant flood.

Eventually the water loses the grace of wind and rain and slowly, left to its own sources retreats abashedly. Finally, the sand regains its dry glory, shunning a temporary defeat and cheering a subsequent victory. Salty tears of defeat weep away, surrendering the ground it temporarily and horrifically gained; a sullen and pouting child. The beach sighs in relief. It then gradually collects its scattered militia while licking its wounds and regretfully accounting for casualties.

The wind is no loyal comrade though. It is truly a ruthless fair-weather friend. It teases both sides, taunting them with a changeable whim. The wind dares either to protest the unfair advantage of its fanciful contributions to either side. A flick of its wrist casts countless invaluable grains into the devouring tongue of water. A billow of its breath allows the land to gulp up another greedy scrap of terrain.

When the sun smiles on earth it leaches potency and saps the strength of the mighty water; sometimes for years. Its overwhelming magnitude muscles the water into vapors, leaving behind a dry bed; a cracked and bleached wasteland of infertility. The Dead Sea is one of the best examples of this dominated collaboration. Here, the merciless sun smugly scorches the ground by means of compensation for its trouble.

The water has the advantage of alternating its front men. By a consistent trading out of the battle weary with fresh reinforcements from distant brother oceans and sister seas. It vacillates with the seasons of cold revenge and sweltering retribution. The warriors are restless and thirsty for the freedom to constantly test new shores. Confident fellow armies will tackle the ones they've left behind.

The beach boasts its perseverance and rigid hold on a location for millennia. In some areas rooted to large masses of itself, it eases its way across the globe in an indiscernible displacement of the mighty oceans. It also has a secret ally all its own. An unpredictable surrogate mother irregularly pays tax to the surface that shields and houses her. The ground groans and protests with the labor of birthing new soil and vomits its contribution with reluctant inconsistency. The crust is grateful for the smoldering reinforcements of lava despite the fickleness of its natural source of replacements. The beach is a ready handmaiden. It is a coastline a watchful guard.

The typical battle though, between the water and the land is a graceful dance of taking turns. One waits impatiently for the other to end it's performance, shoving the other aside to feel the virile surge of progressive grandeur. Neither can share the lime-light, nor can they hold it with any exclusivity. Rivaling siblings of similar origins yet opposite form, they en-guard in a winless war for world domination.

Bubbling under the veil of manifest destiny, each army moves in one motion to reveal a single entity. At times the sea and land are entwined lovers. The waves lap at the lascivious bosom of mother earth They delight her in their harmony of give and take. During these moments of tender armistice the sea offers up bounteous gifts of marine life, baubles and imported novelties. The gritty sand softens; demurely accepting a latent truce.

All too familiar though with the unexpected slap of the sudden and strategic offensive stance, they hold one another in but a temporary embrace. Relinquishing anger,(missing two words) they engage in the hum and rhythm of an age-old lovemaking. They constantly rezone (comma missing) advance, retreat and plan recon missions. Through blatant attacks and subtle cooperation each tries to steadfastly devour other.

(final ending- left out)
The sandy pillow, the blanket of water; a vicious substratum tyrant, an unyielding watery conqueror; a battle; a coupling; all creation's Yin and Yang.

I know many writers are possessive about their work and take corrections personally, but most of the ones Andrew made were not improvements, in some cases changing the very nature of the intended thought! I recognize that like many published and un published writers, I'm prone to run-on sentences. And had I had the chance to go over it again, and not just write the whole thing in one night of 4 hours, I would have fixed it. I think the fact that Andrew presumed to correct my punctuation- when typically his is outrageous, was the fact that I found the least pleasing.

I do recognize though that it's Andrew's assignment and if it were found out that I wrote 90% of it for him while he was asleep, he not only would get in trouble, he might get kicked out of the program altogether. I also recognize that he's a good writer too, and has a hard time turning in an assignment that he didn't wholly or even mostly write and made no modifications to. And, honestly, he made far fewer changes to this paper than ones I've helped him with over the years.

But after he made the changes and tried to deny a couple of them, I told him that I know the paper, my writing and choice of word, flow of prose, so well…I can pick out the changes after having written it one very sleepy night, and even after not having seen the paper for a day!

Your Woman Will NEVER Tell You: Romance Novels

If your girlfriend or wife picks up a romance novel in the book store, you see her reading one, or one lying by the night stand, or (worse yet) there is a stack of them on the book shelf- stop what you are doing and figure out how to win back your woman, because whether you realize it or not, you are starting to lose her.

Here is a fundamental truth: The only women who read romance novels- are the ones who feel they are suffering from a lack of romance in their own lives.

A woman won't tell you, but she wants to feel the surging of excitement and love and longing and passion… with you, that she did when you first met. If she's not getting that from you, she'll substitute it with the feelings romance novels evoke. For now.

Maybe even, that will be enough to keep her from straying the entire time you're together. But then again, maybe it's not. Why risk it?

Eventually, the perfection of the guys in the books she's reading (much like the perfection of the girls you're looking at in Playboy magazines) will start to redefine how she sees you…and trust me…you do NOT want that to happen.

Don't call her on the romance novels. That would work about as well as her confronting you with a Hustler magazine and demanding you quit looking at it. You have to be more sly and cunning than that. The goal is to make her throw her "trashy novels" away without your ever having said a word to her about the fact that you've noticed she owns one!

If you want to keep her, and keep her in love with you, some time when you're both reasonably happy, sit down with her and tell her you want to do more things together. Be prepared for her to be shocked. Maybe you really don't want to, but if it translates into your getting (happily!) laid more often, and having a more loving, satisfied woman- then maybe you do. Women have ways of rewarding men they adore. That can only mean good things for you.

Come up some activities you can do together. Active things. I'm not talking about dinners or movies, although those might be nice from time to time too. But you need to get her blood going, she needs to get an adrenaline rush while you two are together.

A roller coaster ride, a motor cycle ride, partners for gym memberships, a music concert, a bike ride, a jog, roller skating, sky diving, four wheeling, go karts, skiing, surfing, dance lessons…something, anything that gets your blood pumping together, that doesn't involve sex.

Maybe you need to pay a little more attention to what you're offering her. Do you brush your teeth or chew some gum before kissing her? Do you leave the toilet seat up with pee in the toilet? Do you bother to dress nicely to spend time with her?

Surprise her with flowers, even a single flower- or better yet, potted flowers so they'll last longer. Surprise her with a note. It can be a simple thing, saying you've been thinking about her, or you think she's great, thank her for something she did for you or remind her of some quality of hers you really appreciate. Give her a hug when you normally just say hello or good bye. Ask her what turns her on, and accept whatever answer she gives you, even if it makes no sense to you.

Find out the order of her love languages and start using them!

To steal a line from Jerry McGuire, "Help her, help you". Give to her, so she'll want to give to you.

A woman who feels loved will go out of her way to do generous things for you. She'll feel more comfortable trying new things with you, she feel more spontaneous with sex, she dress sexier for you and start to make changes to her lifestyle to look more appealing to you. When she feels motivated to encourage the attention you're suddenly giving her, she'll pay more attention to how she looks and feel more sexy.

The BEST thing you can do for your woman is help her feel sexy.

Sexy is different than loved. Her mother loves her. The children love her. The family dog loves her. A limp, wet rag could feel loved. But a women who feels sexy… is radiant! She's ignited with enthusiasm, energy, self worth and sensual power. She wants to fulfill her potential as a female goddess… and enjoy the thrilling sense of rapture and titillating satisfaction in her ability to capture and hold your attention and admiration, and most of all- to have you look at her the way you once did- completely caught up in her eyes.

The first flush of romance inevitably changes into a different kind of familiarity that comes from learning each other's flaws, peeing in front of each other and waking up to morning breath. But you can still awake a feeling that you are lucky to be with each other, that you inspire each other, and you genuinely enjoy being around this person.

And imagine your own satisfaction of overcoming the challenge, of accomplishing the mission- when you no longer see her reading or collecting romance novels which are poor substitutes for a loving heart and warm body…

When she lights up if you walk in the room, she crosses her fingers it will be you on the phone, and those books about other people living an unrealistic fantasy she longs for- are tossed into the garbage can… because she fills sexy and fulfilled in her relationship with YOU.


[MySpace Posted Saturday, May 3, 2008]

The USA and the Peter Pan Complex

"I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us Kid…"

"Adulthood is the ever-shrinking period between childhood and old age. It is the apparent aim of modern industrial societies to reduce this period to a minimum." Thomas Szasz

Friends was a popular TV show that ran for 10 years- depicting a group of men and women (between the ages of 25 and 31 at the beginning of the first season and 35 and 41 by the end of the last season!) that by and large acted like almost over-sized teenagers living lives that never reach too far outside the realms recent of post-high school/ early college familiarity.

"Movies can and do have tremendous influence in shaping young lives in the realm of entertainment towards the ideals and objectives of normal adulthood." Walt Disney Quotes

A fairly recent trend in movies pitches actors who could biologically be grandparents* as still being very juvenile in their lifestyle and childlike in their behaviors and mentality. Will Ferrell, age 41 and John C. Reilly, 43 play Step Brothers in an absurd movie that is unfortunately a little too realistic in the characters refusal to accept adulthood mentalities and responsibilities.

Actors like Pauly Shore, Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey have built entire multimillion dollar careers out of depicting themselves as pre-adolecents in adult sized bodies. And the audiences apparently eat it up because they continue to make those kinds of films and shows. But why??

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

America has a problem. It's not just about the weight epidemic. It's not just the obsession with our electronic devices and expensive toys. It's not just that people are renting homes longer, living with their parents longer or with room mates longer and choosing to marry and have children often *much* later in their lives. America is now middle age deep in several generations that refuse to become adults.

Why? What is so wrong with growing up? Why do we have this persistent image of growing up as being a bad thing?

I met two British guys happen chance a few weekends ago that have since then given me a few things to think about. While grabbing a bite to eat shortly after introductions, we'd joked about the differences in our pronunciation of different English vs. American words and the difference in meaning behind certain terms and expressions. But later I started to think about the difference in the perception of oneself.

At one point in the conversation, I made some comment about one of them, where I used the word "boy" instead of where I normally would have used the word "guy". This British guy stopped mid sentence, cocked his head to one side and stared at me intently looking just slightly peeved. "Boy??" he inquired apparently wondering if I had meant to be condescending with my choice of word.

"Guy?" I shrugged and suggested. "Male?" I tried again, wondering what the fuss was about. I frequently use the words interchangeably around other Americans and think little of it. No one else had given me the crazy eyes like I insulted his mother or something.

"MAN." He insisted intently. And then placing a hand on his chest in case I might have missed this reference to himself; he left me with no doubt of his position. "I am a man." He shook his head baffled that I might confuse him with some bib wearing, pacifier-toting tot. "I am not a 'boy'." The word was almost spat out like an insult. "I am a man." And clearly proud of it! Geez!

His comrade gave a half smile of amusement between bites of his meal. HE understood that it was matter of importance to denote the proper respect to this particular stage of a person's life- earned by life experience, responsibilities, accountability and age; and probably they both wondered why that significance eluded me.

The age of these guys? 23 and 21.

The conversation moved forward, but later after pondering on it, I realized most of the MEN I know (who are mostly Americans) happily refer to themselves as a "big kid". They don't care if I refer to them as a boy; in fact some welcome it!

Why? What is the difference between a person of a certain age that views himself as still hovering between teenage years and young adulthood, or a person of that same age who considers himself a fully mature adult?

The answer I came up with surprised me. 

Respect.

I respected these guys more than if they were to deny all that being over the age of "adulthood" implies. They were not clinging to their childhood- innocent and wide-eyed, lacking in responsibility and opportunity for growth. They were proud to join the ranks of full-fledge adulthood and all it includes- with no looking back.

I am starting to think more and more that a person's perception of things is perhaps THE most important thing there is. How we look at the world. How we view each other. And more poignantly- how we view OURSELVES.

I personally am thrilled I am no longer a child or even a teen. I am GLAD to be past those confusing and awkward years of wanting independence but still being under the thumb of virtually every "adult" in my life. Why would someone NOT want to grow up?

Fear of being the one to make all the decisions and being held accountable for whatever life throws at you? Uninterested in the obligations and responsibilities (and subsequent freedoms) that come with moving on to rule your own life? Uncertainty of what to do with your life or how to navigate through the need-to-knows of being an adult?

And were these two British guys anomalies or are the British/ Europeans raised with a healthier opinion of growing up? And does America really have a bazaar Peter Pan complex?

I would argue that it's America that trains it's consumers to think and act younger longer, and demand the frivolousness and selfishness of youth, the act-now-deal-with-it-later attitude and get everyone to buy expensive things for themselves because they're just 'a big kid' anyway and the hallmark of childhood is all the goodies and none of the sacrifice.

And I think THAT is where we find the root of the problem. Adulthood means sacrifice.

To embrace adulthood is to embrace self-sacrifice. It's looking out for the greater needs and interest of others, not just the needs and interest of oneself. It's about sacrificing your time, energy and commodities for basic necessities like food, shelter and clothing- things children usually never have to give a thought to, or even know to be grateful for- because they are provided by adults who are making the sacrifices for them.

And no one understands self-sacrifice better than a parent. Are people wise to have children later in life when they *might* be more financially secure, better educated and more mature- but also having bodies past the childbearing prime years (younger than 30 for both males and females), less energy and often entering midlife before children are even in high school? Or are people simply procrastinating the responsibilities and self-sacrifices associated with choosing to bestow on your offspring instead of doting on yourself? Is it fear or selfishness? Wisdom or screwed up self-perception?

In past generations people "grew up" sooner. Fifty years ago, the age 16 and 18 indicated a level of maturity that eludes many 20 and 22-year-olds today. Keep in mind that Maturity means knowing what WHO you are, WHAT you want and knowing HOW to go about getting it.

Is it trained perception that has caused this switch to 30-year-olds thinking they're not old enough to deal with life responsibilities and children? Is it the demand for more time for oneself? More about immediate gratification for ourselves? Or are we simply seeing the older people who were our role models as stuffy, unhappy and unfulfilled and thinking this is the inevitability of "growing up?" Are we allowing ourselves to become overwhelmed by what should be a fairly normal process of accumulating responsibilities and learning to balance between self-sacrifice and self-preservation?

I believe you CAN seem years younger after passing the adulthood threshold- but still acknowledge your obligations as a citizen, a mature adult. You CAN hold onto the wonder and enthusiasm for life. You CAN love and laugh easily and find joy in the mundane. You don't have to let life beat you, people make you cynical or give up on hope and dreams. You simply see them with eyes of someone who is now old enough and mature enough to modify your life to achieve those things.

And I believe there is a difference between wanting to remain youthful and living with the vitality of youth- vs. stubbornly hanging onto the juvenile mindset of someone who is consumed with their own wants and wishes and therefore acts as though they are not yet fully an adult.

Refusing to admit your adulthood does not change your age; does not change the expectations the rest of the world will have of you or reverse the aging process. It will simply ensure that one day when you wake up you will discover you spent your entire life trying to stay a child and you completely missed all the amazing things that come with being an adult.

Whether you believe in the Bible or not, a lot of great gems of wisdom can be found in it. Such as this one: "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things." (I Cor. 13:11)

The next time someone tells you "Oh grow up!" it might be a good idea to DO just that. And do it whole-heartedly. Childhood was not the best time of your life. NOW is the best time of your life.

*If a person (let's call him Mark) has a child (Shelly) at the age of 20 and Shelly has a child at 20, by the time Mark is 43, he would have a 3-year-old grandchild.

I highly recommend the reading of these blog articles I found when looking for the final quote:

http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vdXNlcnMuYW9sLmNvbS9jb2ZmZWV3ZWIvYm9va3MvdGhyb3dvdXQuaHRt

http://media.www.msuspokesman.com/media/storage/paper270/news/2000/12/11/Perspectives/Putting.Away.Childish.Things-12770.shtml




[MySpace Posted Tuesday, July 29, 2008]

My Hit List (Things I've Never Done...Yet!)

I posted this list last summer, added to it and done a few. Highlighted means I've done it since I first posted this list. While some of these will take some time- I'd really like to knock few more out before this year is over!

~~
There is a game called "I have never". I knew of it as a Girls Camp campfire game, but you might know of it as a drinking game. Basically everyone goes around the group and states something they have never done. Anyone in the group who has done that, either tosses in one of the (10-20) sticks they collected, or takes a shot. Ultimately, the person who wins is the person who has done the fewest things.

I have a hate/love relationship with that game. I love it because unless there is someone under the age of 12 in the group, I'm gonna win. I hate it because unless there is someone under the age of 12 in the group, I'm gonna win. This means that most 12 year olds have done more things than I have. Wanna guess how much that sucks?

So I'm going to create a list of things I have never done.* And then make it a goal to eventually do all of them! (And yes, this list is a bit embarrassing.) In no particular order:

Go fishing and catch a fish
Go hunting
Play laser tag
Ski
Sky dive
Snowboard
Play paint ball
Go on a cruise
Travel outside the continental United States
Go white water rafting
Sing Karaoke
Play "real" golf
Attend a "real" basket ball game (other than church or high school)
Kayak
Snorkel
Host a dinner party
Buy another motorcycle
Help demolish a building
Be an extra in a film
Play poker (any kind!)
Build a bonfire
Learn to lay tile
Chop wood
Run in a event or for a cause
Run in a marathon or half marathon
Have a gym membership (outside of college fitness classes)
Get a professional massage
Jet ski
Play racquetball
Milk a cow
Buy a gun
Build a gun
Dirt bike
Skeet shoot
Visit all 50 states (17 down, 33 to go)
Wind surf
Dance on a bar
Visit Canada
Visit Ellis Island
Do an obstacle course
Go to Bush Gardens
Shoot outside
Shoot competitively
Get my concealed weapons permit
Play on a softball team
Hit a homerun
Take back up martial arts
Learn to knife throw
Play an entire song on the guitar
Play an entire song on the piano
Snow mobile
Replace a major engine part
Have a book published
Have a magazine article published
Visit the Outerbanks
Attend a New Year party
Attend a Chinese New Year party
Attend a Mardi Gras party
Visit Miami Beach, Fl
Build a house
Ride in a hot-air balloon
Visit an exotic location
Test drive a Ferrari/ expensive sports car
Be in a parade
Start my own blog

Win a local baking contest

Place in a photogaraphy contest

Win a writing contest (besides school)

Buy myself a bicycle
Buy a truck
See the Cirque du Soleil
Ride a horse by the ocean
Scuba dive
Ride a mechanical bull

Things I've never done, but am not sure I want to try:

Go on a blind date
Eat sushi
Be hypnotized
Play rugby
Use snowshoes
Ice fish
Get a pedicure
Play spin the bottle
Dye my hair black

Dye my hair red
Bungee Jump
Skinny Dip
Mountain bike
Go to a Casino

Things I've never done and never will:

Drink alcohol
Smoke- anything
Try drugs
Drink Coffee (I'm too hyper as it is!)
Get a tattoo

* this list is incomplete, there are actually more things I have never done, as I think of them, I'll update this list!

Why a Woman's Body is So Sexy Part I

A flower's fragrance declares to all the world that it is fertile, available, and desirable, its sex organs oozing with nectar. Its smell reminds us in vestigial ways of fertility, vigor, life-force, all the optimism, expectancy, and passionate bloom of youth. We inhale its ardent aroma and, no matter what our ages, we feel young and nubile in a world aflame with desire.- Diane Ackerman, A Natural History of the Senses, 1990, p. 13
Warning: Various song lyrics follow that contain language and content some might find offensive.

Authors Note: You'll never think the same way about sex and a woman's body after reading this.

It has been the subject of art, poetry, censorship and worship for centuries. Some want to glory in it- raw, fresh and exposed. Others have a tradition of concealing any reference to its likeness and cloak it in mystery, obscurity and sometimes shame.

All human life comes from the female body. The survival of the human species hinges on getting women pregnant and frequently. Therefore biology has caused seeing the body's reproductive features to stimulate mental and physical pleasure subconsciously – a chemical release of pleasure that is highly addictive. And it's no wonder. A woman's body is the embodiment of our species survival, and survival is the fundamental instinct and urge of any living thing.

The female body IS a walking advertisement for reproduction of the human species. Every curve, line, shape and angle somehow relates to a visual representation of the potential for a new life.

Seeing an attractive and fit woman's naked body (or even scantily clothed) creates a sensation of pleasure because it's subconsciously assuring to a person that the species is surviving and thriving. It excites the senses and creates a desire to do the act that causes reproduction- namely SEX.

This does not make the act, or the bodies involved in any way: "dirty", "wrong", "embarrassing" or "inappropriate". Social stigmas and standards determine how people grow up responding to the sexual maturity cues. Biology doesn't care about propriety . It exists for one reason- continuing the species. The cycle of life; the amazing details of the seamlessly working human body; the well-oiled machine that is reproduction- is an awe inspiring and beautiful thing. It knows no shame. Nor should it.

Instinctively a person, like any species that survives, is born with the urge to flaunt its genetic features. Peacocks strut their absurdly long and flamboyant tails. Bucks flash their array of functional and decorative antlers. Monkeys present their rump to the potential mate for inspection- males and females alike… and humans aren't much different from our primate cousins.

And humans are really not that different than flowers. When a flower reaches "sexual maturity" it unfolds its petals and leaves and exposes it's sexual organs to the entire world, often in a blaze of dazzling colors, amazingly intricate detail and potently fragrant aromas.

To observe a similar display, one only has to pay the smallest amount of attention to the inevitable transformation that happens to childhood celebrities when they approach their middle to late teens. Miley Cyrus is making headlines for recently posing "partially nude" in Vanity Fair magazine (she's about to turn 16) and Daniel Radcliffe of the Harry Potter series performed completely naked on stage shortly after turning 18 last year.

History- past and future is marked by a somewhat similar transition of most child stars after reaching the age where their bodies want to announce to the world they are ready for procreation. Curiously enough, the genitalia of both male and females actually resemble the sexual parts of flowers. Perhaps then it's not surprising that people who are attracted to each other and want to instigate a romantic relationship- give each other flowers.

A person has three sets of attributes their genetics can pass on to the next generation:

Physical characteristics: height, eye/hair/skin color, body type, strengths and weaknesses (straight teeth/ skin problems) body part sizes (full lips, narrow feet), body hair patterns, tendencies (moles/ hair loss/ likelihood of developing certain diseases and disorders), taste buds, etc.

Intelligence: Learning capacity, speed of processing information, abilities to learn multiple languages or easily create music or 3 dimensional/ spatial skills, intuition abilities, etc.

Personality: quirks and habits (sarcasm or goofy sense of humor, nail biting, hair twirling) temperament (easily angered, mellowness) outgoing or shy, aggressive or passive, kind hearted or selfish, determined or easily discouraged, etc.

The physical characteristics are the most obvious and the easiest to identify visually, and therefore the method that attracts the most attention from the widest available audience.

Whether people realize it or not, their bodies are a 24/7 advertisement to everyone else about their genetic code and what they can offer the next generation. A person's body is an example of what their genetics can create. And while they also carry many recessive (or hidden and not displayed) characteristics, it's still gives a fairly general idea of what their offspring will look like and the physical tendencies they'll inherit- good and bad. Obviously, the more appealing their characteristics are to the opposite gender, the more selection they'll have for potential mates.

While obviously a woman is capable of greatness in pretty much any arena she puts her mind and body to, and she is more than just her body's pro-creation potential, it is still an undeniable fact of nature: A woman's body is designed to create more people.

From a biological standpoint- this fact NEEDS to excite people or no one would bother doing the act that would impregnate her. Part of the pleasure experienced during sex is attributed to hormones released in the brain that is related to the possibility of this union creating a baby. Even if consciously the idea of a pregnancy strikes fear into the hearts of the participants- the body does not have an awareness of the social or financial ramifications of having a baby- it's simply saying, "Good job!"

In fact the mating positions that are the most "exciting" and arousing are the ones that cause the deepest penetration- and without some form of birth control- are the positions that get the egg and sperm closest together and create the stronger chances of pregnancy.
 

A man may not want to get a woman pregnant and she may not want to become pregnant, but both of their BODIES desperately want this to happen- so it cranks up the amount of pleasure you experience in your brain while doing it, seeing it and witnessing it. The pleasure from sex is largely mental and emotional, and THAT is why.

Even if you are not the one engaging in the activity, your body responds to the acknowledgment that *someone* is having sex, having babies and therefore going to ensure the survival of the species. Ideally though, your body would prefer it to be you, since it's particular survival only takes place through its own genetic code being passed on.

The idea of kissing and copulating with an unacceptable partner (someone who's genetic features you are NOT attracted to) is something virtually everyone would agree is disgusting and unappealing.

However- when presented with a potential partner who's features your body recognizes as being a good genetic match and having genetic features you would want for your offspring- the body immediately starts releasing the hormones to prepare that person to have sex- should the opportunity arise.

A person's mental choices do over-ride their physical ones, and hopefully they would be more choosy when actually deciding to create a child. From the standpoint of a responsible person- particularly in societies that intend to mate for life and have offspring with that partner exclusively (ie. dolphins, wolves, some species of eagles, and sometimes - humans) the choice of a mate to create children with IS the most important decision that individual can make in their lifetime. That combination of genetic material in the form of a new living thing- will be more likely than not- passed on in some form for centuries to come, long after the "parents" have died and their bodies turned to dust.

The body however, is not as discriminating. Since it's goal is to ensure the survival of it's genetic code, it's goal then becomes one of ensuring that code exists in as many possible forms as well. Society with its sense of "right and wrong" and "moral and immoral" frowns upon parents who have children with multiple partners.

Biologically however, this is the best-case scenario. Increasing the variety of genetic combinations passed on to future generations increases the odds of making a genetic match that survives long enough to also reproduce.

Genetically: failure to reproduce = failure to survive.

Most people are familiar with the expression "Sowing wild oats"- which refers to a person having sexual relations/ somewhat reckless life experiences before settling down to raise a family. Sowing means planting though. This expression actually translates into spreading ones genetic code to random people in various areas, before choosing one long-term partner to raise children with.

While history paints a woman sowing wild oats as a more scandalous picture than a man doing it- both genders are rather forcefully encouraged by their hormones to have as much sex as possible and as many children as possible.

And while many woman would resent or contest the comment, the fact is, a woman's body is in fact a baby-making machine. In fact every part of it is related somehow to reproduction and that makes it sexually appealing to not only the opposite sex, but the same gender.

Read on to find out how and why.

Part II

Why A Woman's Body is So Sexy Part II

To read Part 1 of this article, click here.

A woman's body is created to conceive, create, carry, birth and nurture a child to a point it has matured and can survive on it's own.

A woman's breasts are the only natural food source for the baby and a big set of "titties" look like breasts full of milk. This means the baby will have plenty to eat and will not go hungry during infancy. During the first few months of life, a baby's eyesight is limited to about 12 inches from their face. Their mother's nipples are larger and darker than the other parts of the breast to make a striking contrast of color, so finding them and partaking of their bounty is easier.

This visual excites a human throughout their entire life. A minute old baby is instinctively programmed to look and feel for that size, shape and color contrast since it means life sustaining food. Modern society creates bottles to imitate the color and texture of nipples to feed newborns.

The sight of breasts are appealing to older humans partly because they were programmed from birth to want to suck them, and partly because a nice set of breasts appeal to a man's idea of what he'd like his offspring to be nurtured by.

A woman's hips indicate several things. The width and curvature of a woman's hips indicate there will be enough space for delivering a baby and decreases the chances of the baby and/ or mom dying during childbirth. They also serve as a convenient place to prop a child while carrying it around- a subconscious mental image that causes agreeable feelings.

Studies show that the size of a woman's breasts, hips and waist are not nearly as important as the difference in proportions.  

The closer the proportions are to the waist being at least 10 inches SMALLER than the breast and hips- the more sexually attractive it is.

Why? Possibly because that space in the middle indicates there will be ample space for a baby to expand and grow healthily inside her body. Apparently while THAT fact is little understood, some part of it is important enough that it's got everyone singing about it.


Sir Mix-A-Lot "Baby Got Back"

"But I gotta be straight when I say
I wanna *f*ck* Till the break of dawn
… 'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' about stickin'
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females,
Cosmo ain't got nothin' to do with my selection.
36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3".



Violent Femmes "36-24-36"
"See a girl walkin' down the street
just the kind of girl that I'd like to meetit ain't her hair, her clothes, her feet
somethin' much more discreet
now I ain't loud baby I ain't proud
I just want what I'm not allowed

movin on up & help myself
do a world of good for my mental health
something's brookin' that needs to be fixed"



Jin 36-24-36 (Applebottom Jeans)
"Heres Something That I Bet You Never Seen (Whats That) Asian Girl In Some Applebottom Jeans (Ok) 36 Uh 24 Uh 36 Uh, Baby Lets Go Uh
…
This Is Not A Song, Its A Dedication
For My Nation, A Celebration Its A Party U Dont Need An Invitation
But Back To Whats In Front Of My Facing Good God What A Beautiful Creation
…Its Ya Boy Jin Y'all Everybody Back Home Already Know
I Got Wild Love For Y'all But Check It Out, I Jus Got My Passport Renewed
So Ima Go Around The World Fo a Second Aite


Pajama Slave Dancers 36-24-36

"She came to my house just the other day.
My mom didn't like her. Well that's okay.
Read about her in a magazine.
Said she's the girl of my wettest dreams.
She's 36/24/36
She's 36/24/36
She's 36/24/36




Primer 55 "Texas 36-24-36"

"Head back to Texas 36-24-36
got those girlies all up in my mixshaking hips on the poles doing flips
and you know this head back to Texasthose pants got your ass lookin tight
I know, you know, you know you shake it just rightfrom the back from the front from the side
hush your mouth girl, I know you do it just right
make a man scream lord have mercy
back it up girl, lord have mercyyea your shit feels good to me
feels good to me."



AC/DC- Dirty Deeds Done Cheap
If you're havin' trouble with your high school headHe's givin' you the bluesYou wanna graduate but not in 'is bed [...but not in his debt]Here's what you gotta do - Pick up the phoneI'm always home Call me any timeJust ring 36 24 36 hey [36 24 36 hey




Snoop Dogg- Hourglass
"Don't you wanna get nasty,
I like it when you freak that ass
36-24-36 shaped like an hourglass
If ya doin' it wild in da club like a chicken with it's head cut off
Lawd, let me rub up on that c*** it feels so nice and soft"



UNK- Back it up

Back it up gon bring it right back
Work that ass make a nigga throw a stack
Tonka truck! She got a ass so fat ummm
I ain't seen nothing like that
This girl here be supa thick
Dj unk gotta have some of that
And I don't give a fuck who you wit


And the list goes on! The biological urge is strong. And the "hour glass" shape of a woman screams out "ready to make babies". These songs make perfect sense when you understand that biologically, when a guy sees a healthy, fit, attractive female with more or less genetically compatible features- his mental and physical response is to want to have sex with her- to impregnate her. He's like a bee that sees a good flower with sweet nectar and he wants to dip down for a sample and inadvertently pollinate her.

Some of the songs refer to the girl as being "thick", however, they're obviously not talking about her waist, but her meaty butt. And there are biological reasons THAT is considered attractive as well.

Ironically enough, the lean women of the cat walks and lingerie models, frequently DO have the correct numerical proportions with at least a ten inch difference, they're just not "voluptuous", so they're lacking the image of having a surplus of body fat around their feminine curve, or large developed butt muscle.

A well formed butt with "meat" on it indicates a strong muscle (fitness level- and inherited qualities of several generations of physically active and fit people) and adequate nutrition (over all health and living in an area and during a time where food is readily available)- Basically that this body can create and provide for a healthy baby.

In today's day and age though, food is readily available virtually everywhere in developed parts of the world, and a super lean body is not an indication of famine or an inability to obtain adequate food. It's simply a lifestyle choice and sometimes indicates a positive ability to overcome negative qualities like greed and gluttony in a society that has overall failed to use will power to curb their appetites.

The amount of excessive fat on a woman's body, and the size of her muscles are largely cultural preferences and often changes during different time periods throughout history.

Whatever personal taste, one thing is biologically clear- a thin waist is the ideal, and for very good reasons. Therefore fat women's bodies are not as sexual attractive to men, or appealing to women.

1) A fat woman looks already pregnant. Therefore a man subconsciously thinks that having sex with her would be pointless since they would not be the father of her child- and that is a large part of the body's subconscious driving force behind a desire to have sex.

2) Really fat women are harder to get pregnant. All the extra fat makes getting deep penetration more difficult, the closer the sperm are to the egg, the better chances of pregnancy. The fat woman's lack of physical activity can also causes their menstrual cycle to become irregular and decreases the chance of pregnancy. (Important to note: the disruption of a menstrual and egg dropping cycle is also relevant with unhealthily thin women.) Fat woman are also less likely to want to have regular sex (due to early fatigue, poor body image and lack of hormone potency to pass through all the fat and cause the same chemical induce desire of a thinner woman) and infrequent sex means fewer chances to get pregnant.

3) A very overweight body is not running at full efficiency and therefore not a good incubator for a baby. People who carry around too much body fat are prone to a host of illnesses and disorders (everything from diabetes, high blood pressure to early arthritic, poor circulation, joint problems, swelling, water retention, trouble breathing, blood clots etc.) Fatter woman also have less muscle definition which is necessary for a healthy, natural delivery of the baby. Women who are leaner and physically active during pregnancy have healthier babies born with more strong lean muscle, better formed lungs (vital for survival) and some studies indicate- higher IQ's- from getting more oxygen and nutrient rich blood. These are just to name a few.

In some cultures however a more rounded figured woman is a more desireable thing. These cultures tend to place value on the fact that this woman has enough available food to actually eat more than necessary for basic survial and the additional fat "fills out" the parts of her body that are curved for sexual reasons.

Women find other attractive women's bodies appealing and sexually stimulating, because they subconsciously want those women to become pregnant as well. It doesn't do a woman a bit of good to have a child, if her child reaches adulthood and has no one to mate with.

Therefore, other women with bodies that indicate health, fitness, longevity, and good genes- are the ideal mothers from a physical standpoint- to increase the mate selection for each other's children. Women helping other women become pregnant and raise healthy children means survival of the species as well as their own genetic code.

And after all, the female body is a beautiful thing. Who wouldn't want to admire it?