Juvenile But Funny: Dogs & Women

It's kind of silly to get dragged into such a childish pissing contest, but when one of my guy friends passed around this list of reasons why dogs are better than women, it got my dander up. (pun intended). So, of course I responded back with a list of my own.

***********************
Why Men Prefer Dogs Over Women

*Dogs love it when your friends come over.

*Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.

*Dogs think you sing great.

*Dogs don't cry.

*A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.

*Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.

*The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.

*Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

*Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

*Dogs are excited by rough play.

*Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.

*Dogs love red meat.

*Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.

*Anyone can get a good-looking dog.

*If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

*Dogs don't shop.

*Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.

*A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.

*Dogs never need to examine the relationship.

*A dog's parents never visit.

*Dogs love long car trips.

*Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.

*Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.

*Dogs like beer.

*Dogs don't hate their bodies.

*No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.

*No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

*Dogs never criticize.

*Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

*Dogs never expect gifts.

*It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.

*Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.

*Dogs like to do their snooping outside, as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.

*Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

*Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.

*You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day.

*Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.

*Dogs don't borrow your shirts.

*Dogs never want foot-rubs.

*Dogs can't talk.

*Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

*Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why Men Pick Women Over Dogs

*Sharing a bed with a dog will never amount to amazing memories- just lots of shed hair, possibly flea bites and a good chance of dog-food smelling slobber.

*A dog cannot have or raise your children.

*No dog ever fixed you a steak dinner.

*A dog cannot give you a ride to work or the airport when your buddies are AWOL.

*Dogs are worthless at giving back rubs, scalp massages or foot rubs.

*When was the last time your dog ran to the store to get something for you?

*Walking down a street with a hot dog on your arm will only make you look crazy, not lucky.

*The dog is the reason you can’t find the other shoe you ask your woman to help you find.

*A dog will not live long enough even if it could take care of you in your old age, which it can’t.

*Any “gift” your dog gives you will be chewed up and drooly, or dead and bloody.

*The dog’s drinking out of the toilet doesn’t qualify as cleaning it.

*Your dog doesn’t drop by your job to surprise you with lunch or call to say they miss you.

*A dog cannot make sure you leave the house with matching socks or coordinated clothes.

*A dog couldn't care less if you graduate from school, get a promotion, win a contest or prize or achieve a goal.

*A dog has no idea what to do with a dishwasher, washing machine, iron, oven or coffee maker.

*A dog doesn’t contribute to or help budget and invest in the household income.

*Your friends will never be jealous of your beautiful, intelligent and attentive dog.

*You’d never fantasize about an exotic cruise or tropical vacation… with your dog.

*A dog will never understand your passion for or help you with hobbies, sports or electronics devices.

*How many magazines about dogs do most men collect? Now how many about women?

*If you fall in love with a woman, you’re on cloud nine. If you fall in love with a dog, you’re in padded cell number nine.

*A dog will never laugh at your jokes, no matter how funny they are.

*Having a great dog in your life doesn’t make any luckier, happier or more self-confident.

*No matter how bored they are, a woman will never chew up the furniture.

*A dog cannot take care of you if you’re sick or after you’ve had surgery.

*Having an attractive woman on the back of your bike will make everyone envious of you. Having any kind of dog on the back of your bike might get you arrested.

*Missing a dog will never make you feel like you’re missing half your soul.

*When was the last time anyone wrote an entire music album about wanting the love of a dog?

*If your dog wakes you up in the middle of the night, it will never mean you’re about to get laid.

*Dogs couldn’t mow the lawn or do home improvements if their life depended on it.

*A dog will never surprise you with an expensive gift or tickets to your favorite event.

*Having had a lot of dogs will not improve your “status” with ‘the guys’.

*Having a dog around the house will never improve the quality of your surroundings.

*You’d never have the excuse of buying an expensive car or motorcycle- to attract dogs.

*You can't take your dog with you to the movies, to a restaurant, to a club, to a concert, to most sport events or any number of other locations.

*You'd never brag to your buddies about the incredible dog you have waiting for you at home.

*A dog could never intellectually inspire you, help you achieve your potential or support your ambitions to obtain success or happiness.

*Regardless of size, age or breed, your woman will already be fully potty trained.

*Dogs look ridiculous in slinky dresses, short skirts, bikinis and lingerie.

*Being with a dog never made your pulse quicken, your heart race or your world stop.

*Dogs can’t answer your questions, offer verbal sympathy, playfully debate or mentally stimulate you.

*Dogs don’t make you feel all gooey inside by telling you they love you.

*A dog cannot support you through college or when you’re “in-between” jobs.

*Wrestling with your dog never led to an intensely satisfying make-out session.

*No part of a dog fits perfectly with your body.

*Women take care of their own bathing, grooming and physical maintenance.

*You don’t wake up in the morning aching to be with a dog.

*If you give your dog away after a short time, they might not even remember you.

*No dog will ever smell as incredibly good as a woman. (not to mention taste…)

*Dog don’t make special occasions and holidays- special.

*The value of all a dog’s love would never amount to even a fraction of a woman’s love.

*A dog did not bring you into the world

Honestly, any guy with any sense who can find a woman who likes dogs, can have both! Then it doesn't need to be a competition. Duh.

The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need

The name says it all.

About six years ago one of my slightly younger female cousins moved in with our grandparents for a while after getting out of a relationship. Not a big book enthusiast, as teenager I seem to remember her mostly reading teen horror books. So when I went over to visit her and noticed a thick blue book the size of an encyclopedia on her bed, my reaction was of course to immediately check it out. I always have to look at books.

I was raised with the very strong opinions that astrology is not only not something to believe or dabble in, but is of the devil. Strong condemnation indeed! Can it get worse than that?

Either way, I like to consider myself an open-minded person and am always looking for new ways to communicate and learn about people and myself.

After becoming deeply absorbed in the book long enough to lose track of time; my cousin having had long finished organizing her room and it was time for me to go, I stood resignedly, cradled the book in my arms pressing it to my chest and looking intently into her eyes begged: “Can I borrow this?”

Okay, so that might be a bit of over-dramatization.

Either way. I highly recommend this book.

It’s changed my life.

It might change yours too.

Haha. Oh geez. I’m too goofy to be blogging tonight.

(deep breaths)

Let me try this again.

I ended up buying a copy of this book and it became a source of entertainment if nothing else. Talking to people on the phone, I’d look up things about them to read to them, or tell them the prognosis for their compatibility with people they were looking to get into relationships with. At one point I misplaced the book and couldn’t find it for almost six months. I actually went out and bought another one. Yeah. It’s that good.

Not only did this book clarify a lot of things about myself, but because it’s been soo accurate on describing characteristics of the people I care about and interact with, I’ve taken to checking out their chart. I have to say, it’s greatly improved my relationships with virtually all of them. If nothing else, it explains certain previously unquantifiable things about them that I couldn’t put to words or they didn’t know to tell me about themselves.

I don’t read a daily horoscope. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t want something or someone telling me what to do or how to feel every day anyway, but it’s good to know the general properties of the people I spend time with or want to better interact with.

Since I’ve started checking out astrology I’ve noticed several consistent trends. The people I get along with best, are frequently the signs that my sign is most compatible with. The people I supposedly am the least compatible with, I often have either had problems or I’ve just never really had in my life.

It’s definitely given me a window into the psyche of many people. And while the source of this information is maybe difficult to place, anything that fosters understanding and improves relationships is definitely worth checking out.

And who knows? It just might change your life.

On Choosing Your Baby's Gender

I wrote this a while back, in response to a conversation with someone who seemed to think that using medical technology for gender selection is somehow "wrong".

I entirely disagree.

I had two daughters and if I had not gotten lucky with having my son the third try, I was seriously considering intervention for another attempt. It's nothing personal, I just *really* wanted to have both genders of children.

And I do.

And I'm glad.

But I don't judge people who take the choice into their own hands.

The letter that follows are my personal opinions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As it’s been stated over and over again, yes- gender selection has been going on for centuries. Probably longer than there is written history. And what have been the result of the babies- primarily girls- that were unwanted? They were left out in the elements to be eaten by wild animals, drowned, aborted from the womb and sold (often into slavery of one kind or another). There aren’t words to describe how senseless and atrocious that is.

If someone is so determined that they can only have one child and/or one gender- then at least this way there is not a child- recognizably of human form- who suffers a painful death or a lifetime of misery.

You can’t change the way someone will parent their child. It’s horrible, maybe that’s wrong. But the alternate is forcibly not allowing those people to become parents- and I think most people would find that more ethically wrong. It’s better that the unwanted daughter is never born, then they languish in the knowledge they were unwanted.

That being said, in countries where there are fewer women- for whatever reason- it would seem at least to some degree the women win out. There are more men who want and need them. Even if it’s purely from a reproductive reason.

Yes, it’s dumb that it happens, but if you look at the history of China- many of the parents didn’t decide they only wanted one child and a son- they were limited by their communistic, dictatorship government. Their dictator decided that they had an overpopulation problem and rather than coming up with more creative solutions- like maybe give people a chance to improve their lives (that would be capitalism) so they could take care of their own children- or put more money back into their economy (that would make too much sense) the dictator commanded them to only have one child- or else!

And from we know of what results from that kind of government- the ‘or else’ could mean anything from being fined, being fired, losing your home, jail time, torture, having your child forcibly taken away, or death. In that society also- only the males are allowed to inherit their family wealth, business or land. Therefore- it wasn’t just a matter of “more male soldiers”, it was ‘keeping the home, the land, the money and security’ in the family.

If you consider that means when the only child you have- a daughter marries- if the father is dead- the daughter’s mom is completely dependant on the charity of her new son-in-law or any extended family she has to take care of her for the rest of her life! Scary!

This used to be the case here in America- but because of the kind of democratic- republic based government here and capitalism, which allows a person to rise above where they were born in the financial world- we were able to use our rights, freedoms and power as the people- to change that stupid rule and as a result- the only effect a family having a child has in America now- is deciding what color to paint the baby’s room.

If a couple want to have 15 children (and it was widely published in the news the couple who did) you can! If they’re all girls- or mostly girls (which they were mostly girls) you just end up with a house with more pink baby bedrooms! (or whatever color the girls grow up to like)

It’s really NOT a common problem here for a large group of people to only want a boy, or boys. And goodness knows- especially in America’s society- the more guys a girl has to choose between- the better chances she has of getting a decent one, and the more inclined the guys are to be decent.

As for the ‘concern’ about feminists getting mad about gender selection and people wanting to balance out their families by having a son- are you serious!?!?!? Out of all the things in the world- or in this issue- to worry about- is that REALLY what keeps you awake at night??? Sorry, I gotta laugh about that.

Let’s not over dramatize here. Some families may simply want BOTH genders. After having had two or more of one gender, to round out their family, they may want assurance of having a brother or sister for their other children. I don’t see a thing wrong with that.

Personally, the people I’ve met in my life who have grown up with a brother AND a sister knew how to relate better to both genders or at least had more realistic expectations of their future relationships with both males and females.

Some families are prone to having only one gender. A family that historically only has boys would greatly benefit from being able to have girls as well. And I’ve known more than one family that had four or more daughters before having a son, or never getting to have a son a all.

I think the statement of “fate or nature” determining it- is as dumb as saying that since a person was born deaf they shouldn’t be allowed to have the medical help available now to have the gift (or right) of hearing. Medical advantages are available now that have wonderfully improved and enriched people’s lives.

We are not talking about “Gattica” :where everything down to eyelash color is pre-selected. We’re talking about the desire to have the bond of a relationship to a child- often within an existing family.

And since there seem to be just as many people anxious to have girls as boys, and vica versa- I think this is going against nature about as much as using medical intervention to prevent deaths in childbirth; save someone suffering a heart attack, or rid a person’s body of fatal cancer.

The goal is still to improve the quality of life. We should all feel lucky to life in a time when such things are possible.

Innocence

Innocence

The pen in hand
glides gently over the
smoothness of
a clean
white
page.

Thoughts tumble out
over each other in the eagerness
to be expressed.
The pace quickens
as the need to fill the void,
to cover the emptiness,
increases.

The hand arches gently,
tenderly,
then gripping more tightly as the fingers
and thoughts fly over the barren lines.

In anxious fury,
the words stack up together
like rows of dominos
and push…
one after another
to an anticipated end.

Not long now
and the urge for completion is satisfied.
There is a wave of awe and
the discovery of a new freedom
at the artwork below.

The need vanishes as quickly
as it came
with the arrival of stepping beyond
what was before.

But there is also an overwhelming
sense of loss.
For it is no longer
a clean,
white
page.

6-13-96
1:00 a.m.

Another poem I wrote in my teenage years. This was the week after high school graduation. I've never posted it anywhere before.

A Political Stance

Tuesday Nov. 4, 2008

I hate politics.

But I have to admit I can get pretty passionate about what I believe is good and right and bad and wrong.

We're nearing the end of time to deliberate about which way to vote. For better or for worse, it's time to make a decision and mean it. If I don't believe my voice counts, my vote counts and I don't feel strongly about what I believe in, I might as well stay home and not have a voice or a vote.

I understand that the choice is hard. I don't really like EITHER side. The funny thing is, I support the death penalty AND early term abortion. I think as long as a woman is early enough in her pregnancy that medicine alone can remove the pregnancy (from rape, incest, medical condition, birth defect, risk to mom etc.) and it's not used as an alternative to birth control, it should be an option. So... you can see how I can't really agree completely with either side either.

THAT being said... I KNOW how the Republicans feel about guns. And I KNOW how the Democrats feel about guns.

And 'Dammit'... I like my guns. I want to KEEP my guns and hell, I want MORE guns and I don't want the government taking them away or saying I can't have them as a clean-background, law abiding citizen who wants to protect my children from an intruder or shoot at targets for fun.

AND I don't want to have my taxes raised to take money away from my children's right to have music lessons and karate lessons and new school clothes, that are hard enough to pay for as a single mom, so that I can start paying EVEN MORE than I already do for the medical bills of some lazy person who won't get off their ass to get a job and pay for their OWN medical bills and is in and out of the hospital all the time because they have shit for a diet and wouldn't know an exercise if it slapped them in the face.

Did I mention paying for their food stamps, and electrical bill while they're out buying bling-bling and brand name clothing and leasing expensive cars, racking up credit card debt they never intend to pay off just so they can file for bankruptcy and get bailed out again… by my tax dollars??

I know what I'm talking about too. I was ON government assistance while in college and having my first baby and that was with both my ex AND I working AND going to school. And I was ashamed then to accept it. But you know, for four years before that I worked and paid taxes and I was only accepting government assistance in the form of medical insurance and WIC and didn't take food stamps even though we qualified for them… and that only lasted about a year. After that we went right back to paying back into the system.

But during that time…let me tell you... the medical insurance SUCKED. The doctors and nurses treated you like shit, you had to wait 3 hours just to be seen and everyone else there also with the government assistance looked like they had walked off a runway, talking on their cell phones, wearing their gold jewelry and driving their expensive cars taking food stamps and WIC coupons and tax payer medical insurance while some of us just didn't eat sometimes because we couldn't afford to have electricity AND text books AND food.

Government assistance is only supposed to be for a short period of time, and for people who just need a little help for a while. Not for generations of people to live off it and keep having more babies just so their monthly checks are bigger.

Ironically enough those are the SAME people who often end up in jail, once again living off tax payer's money and not contributing back to the system. And the Democrats would have us keep alive the most dangerous of people who cannot be trusted to live even with the OTHER criminals… and keep them alive all of their natural lives!!

I don't know about YOU… but I would rather see that money go into school education, more college scholarships for the underprivileged, after school programs to keep the kids off the streets and teach people skills so they can earn a living and proudly stand on their OWN two feet.

THEREFORE... I will be voting Republican tomorrow so I can earn my OWN happiness and not buy someone else it if they don't deserve it... AND so I can stop some criminal from destroying my life and the life of my children if they just so happen to decide that MY house or MY car looks like an easy target.

And given the fact that the Democrats want to take away MY right to have guns to STOP someone from killing my son, raping me or my daughters in MY OWN HOUSE and THEN taking away MY right to demand they get the death penalty....

At that point, the choice is really pretty simple.

I don't care about age, race or gender. Not on the street; or in the government. I kinda wish McCain were black. Or that we had a black Republican candidate. That would really level the playing field. Then either way we could have a black president AND I would get to know that my rights weren't being taken away.

I just want to know I can protect my family- because you know the criminals will ALWAYS get their hands on weapons no matter what laws the government sets up. And I believe in everyone taking care of their own families and not expecting other people to break their backs to support someone else's who is too fucking lazy to support their own.

I'm sure this will anger or upset someone. But if I don't stand for something, then I stand for nothing. And I have to be true to myself, my family and my beliefs or I might as well not even be alive.

And if we cannot all accept each other's differences of opinions and respect each other's right to believe in different religions or lack of a religions, lifestyle choices, personal choices, etc… then maybe we shouldn't be friends. I'm not going to argue with or quit MY friendships with people just because we think differently, want different things or believe different things. I love diversity. I love variety. I love ALL my friends and want them ALL to be happy and successful.

As long as we can find some common ground- like the fact that we are ALL human and trying to find what happiness means to us without taking it away from someone else… then we can stand together, play together, eat together, talk together and live together. And THAT is what living in a free country is all about… right?

[MySpace Posted Tuesday, November 4, 2008]

How Well Do You Know Your SEX?

This is a Sex quiz. Please maintain your sense of humor! It's intended to be funny AND factual. Oh, and you'll need a piece of paper and a pen.

How well do you know your SEX?

1. Which one of these is NOT another name for a man's balls?
a. Gonads
b. Testicles
c. Prostus
d. Bullocks



2. The order they go in- front to back on a woman:
a. Clit, Vagina, urethra (peeing), anus
b. Clit, urethra (peeing), vagina, anus
c. Urethra (peeing), clit, vagina, anus
d. Vagina, clit, urethra (peeing), anus


3. Which method is the only method that prevents pregnancy and protects against most STDs?
a. The girl using a sponge
b. The guy using spermicide
c. The girl taking the "pill"
d. The guy wearing a condom


4.Who has a Vas Deferens?
a. Girls
b. Guys
c. Both
d. Neither


5. A girl can get pregnant:
a. From oral sex
b. From anal sex
c. From vaginal sex
d. Only from oral and vaginal


6. A girl cannot get pregnant:
a. If she is on her period
b. If the guy pulls out and does not cum inside her
c. If the girl washes herself out after having sex
d. She can get pregnant all of those ways


7. A man's balls swell and shrink and "move around" because
a. That causes sperm to be made
b. It keeps the balls at a certain temperature
c. It's good to embarrass him when he gets cold
d. Natural worms inside his balls are either sleeping or doing exercises

8. The "Labia" is another name for:
a. The walls of the vagina
b. The skin on the outside of the penis
c. Where the woman's eggs come from
d. Both sides of the skin outside of a girl's vagina

9. What do most girls need to happen in order to "cum"?
a. Rubbing in their vagina
b. Rubbing on their clit and vagina
c. Rubbing on their nipples and vagina
d. Rubbing on their clit


10. You can get STDs and infections from:
a. Oral sex
b. Anal sex
c. Vaginal sex
d. All of the above


11. Most girls' periods last how long?
a. 1-3 days
b. 5-7 days
c. 8-10 days
d. 12-14 days



12. When a guy gets "fixed" by a doctor so he can't have kids, what happens?
a. His penis is cut off
b. His balls are cut off
c. His prostate is removed
d. Two small tubes in his body are clipped and clamped


13. When a girl gets "fixed" by a doctor so she can't have kids, what happens?
a. Her vagina is sewn shut
b. Her cervix is tied shut
c. Her ovaries are removed
d. Two small tubes in her body are clipped and clamped


14. A hysterectomy is:
a. Reconstructive surgery for a guy who's had his balls injured
b. When a woman's breasts are surgically made smaller or bigger
c. A tube inserted into a guy's penis to make it bigger
d. When a woman's uterus and reproductive organs are removed


15. Which is NOT another correct name for a guy's penis:
a. Cock
b. Dick
c. Lollypop
d. Dork


16. Which is true?
a. Boys and girls both have testosterone and estrogen
b. Boys have testosterone while girls have testosterone and estrogen
c. Boys only have testosterone
d. Girls only have estrogen


17. The main job of the prostate is:
a. To create sperm
b. To mix the sperm with other liquids to make "cum"
c. To stop the penis from peeing and "cumming" at the same time
d. To get blood to the penis to allow it to become hard


18. When a girl "cums", she'll always:
a. Scream
b. Faint
c. Pee
d. Get extra "wet" and her nipples harden


19. The first time they have vaginal sex:
a. The girl may bleed from the vagina
b. The boy may bleed from the penis
c. A girl can't "cum" until she's had sex more than once
d. A boy can't "cum" until he's had sex more than once


20. Which expression is NOT used to say a girl is on her period?
a. On the rag
b. Aunt Flo is visiting
c. Time to sponge
d. Having a cycle


21. If a girl's ovaries are like a guy's balls, then
a. Her vagina is like his prostate
b. His penis is like her vagina
c. His urethra is like her fallopian tubes
d. Her clit is like his penis


22. Most girls can get pregnant naturally between the ages of:
a. 12 - 50
b. 11 - 40
c. 15 - 60
d. 9 - 70


23. Which word is NOT used to talk about pubic hair?
a. Bush
b. Carpet
c. Cauliflower
d. Thatch



24. "Statutory Rape" is when:
a. A girl is drugged and then raped
b. One of the people having sex is under 18
c. Both of the people having sex are under 18
d. A person is kidnapped and then raped



25. A "dildo" is:
a. A vibrating ring a guy wears around his penis to stimulate pleasure
b. A prosthetic "extension" to make a guy's penis longer
c. A clamp sex toy used on nipples, and genital tissue to heighten pleasure
d. A cylinder shaped sex toy designed to imitate a penis


26. The numbers and letters on a girl's bra mean:
a. The number is her breast weight, the letter is the breast size
b. The number is her breast size, the letter is the bra thickness
c. The number is her rib cage size, the letter is the breast circumference
d. The number is her dress size, the letter is the breast size



27. A condom can be reused if:
a. It has not been ripped and you rinse it out
b. You turn it inside out
c. You boil it first
d. A condom can never be reused



28. The size of a guy's hands and feet:
a. Are twice as big as the size of his penis
b. Are half the size of his penis
c. Have nothing to do with the size of his penis
d. Are proportional to his height



29. The size of a girl's hands and feet:
a. Are proportional to her height
b. Are half the size of her breasts
c. Are half the size of her waist
d. Indicate the size of her pelvis space and pubic opening



30. How soon after unprotected sex can a girl get a positive pregnancy test if she's pregnant?
a. The next day
b. About one week
c. About two weeks
d. One month


31. How often should someone get STD tested if they're having sex?
a. Every three months
b. Every eight months
c. Once a year
d. In a committed relationship testing is optional


32. An orgasm is:
a. Muscles contracting
b. A chemical release in the brain
c. A psychological state of mind
d. Muscles contracting and a chemical release in the brain


33. Sex is for:
a. Bonding, procreation, keeping chemicals in the body normal
b. Bonding, keeping chemicals in the body normal, cleanliness
c. Procreation, instinct, recreation
d. Instinct, recreation, cleanliness


34. A blow job is:
a. A kind of anal sex
b. Blowing into each others mouths during sex
c. Oral sex on a guy
d. Foreplay using a vacuum cleaner


35. Foreplay is:
a. When four people have sex together
b. Touching, kissing and sensual teasing before having sex
c. Rose petals, wine and a romantic dinner
d. A back rub and a beer


36. What are "blue" balls?
a. Painting a guy's balls blue with paint
b. What happens when a guy has been cold for too long
c. Sexual frustration buildup with no release
d. A term to describe an STD guys get on their ball sac


37. What is "cunnilingus"?
a. Another word for masturbation
b. A blow job on a girl
c. Sex in the shower
d. When a girl does anal sex on a guy with a sex toy


38. Which sense does a girl get "turned on" and "turned off" the fastest by?
a. Sight
b. Sound
c. Touch
d. Smell


39. What can a man eat to make his "fluids" taste better 12 hours later?
a. Papayas and cayenne pepper
b. Cinnamon and pineapple
c. Alcohol and broccoli
d. Chocolate and barbecue sauce


40. Which of these on a guy is the biggest turn off to most women?
a. Sweat
b. Extra pounds
c. Back, ear and nose hair
d. Lack of a tan


41. Having frequent orgasms has been scientifically proven to:
a. Cause eventual blindness
b. Contribute to Alzheimer's Disease
c. Save you money on car insurance
d. Lengthen your lifespan


42. What is meant when a guy has 'gotten to third base'?
a. French kissing
b. Oral sex or using hands directly on genitals
c. Looking at each other naked
d. His batting skills aren't very impressive


43. What is "69"?
a. Oral sex while driving in a car, from the song 'Highway 69'
b. Lying opposite to each other and sucking on each other's toes
c. Each person giving their partner oral at the same time they're receiving it
d. A threesome with two guys and one girl

44. Which are NOT the most common body toppings used during sex?
a. Peaches and cream
b. Strawberries and chocolate syrup
c. Carmel syrup and whip cream
d. Honey


45. What three locations are the most "adventurous" places to have sex?
a. In a car, on an airplane, in a closet
b. On an airplane, in a dressing room, outside during the day
c. In your parent's bed, in a dressing room, in a hotel
d. Outside during the day, on a motorcycle, in your own bed


46. You can tell the "date rape" drug is in your drink or food by:
a. The taste doesn't seem quite right
b. The smell is different than usual
c. It makes your tongue tingle
d. There is no way to tell the drug is in your drink or food


47. "Impotence" means:
a. A guy cannot get his penis hard or keep it hard
b. A girl cannot get her vagina wet or keep it wet
c. A guy is unable to have children
d. A girl is unable to have children


48. Drinking alcohol and smoking:
a. Is a bonding experience for both sex partners
b. Can cause impotence, birth defects and shrink a guy's balls
c. Increases the chances of having an orgasm
d. Turns you into a porn star lover


49. What makes the best and safest "lubrication" during sex?
a. Plain water
b. Your spit
c. Olive Oil
d. Silicone based lube


50. Which STDs are incurable and can/will kill you?
a. HIV/ AIDS, Hepatitis B and C, HPV
b. HIV/ AIDS, Gonorrhea, Trichomoniasis
c. HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis B and C, Chlamydia
d. HIV/ AIDS, Syphilis, Genital Warts





ANSWERS - One point for every correct answer

1. C -Prostus is just a made up word and mean nothing in any language

2. B –Pleasure, pee, pro-creation, poop

3. D – Only the condom prevents the sperm from finding her egg or exchanging germ filled bodily fluids

4. B – The tube a man’s sperm travels in from the testicles to allow ejaculation

5. C – A girl’s eggs are only naturally accessed from her vagina

6. D – If sperm is present the same time as an egg, pregnancy is possible

7. B – Sperm and production and maturation require a certain body temperature. Being too hot or too cold can kill or deform them.

8. D- Labia ‘lips between her hips’, are folds of skin outside the girl’s vagina

9. B – Most women require both clit AND vaginal pleasure to climax

10. D – Any exchange of bodily fluids allows germs/ diseases to be shared

11. B – Most girl’s periods last about one week, give or take a few days

12. D- The Vas deferens tube is clamped or snipped and “tied off”

13. D- The Fallopian tubes are clamped or snipped and “tied off”

14. D- You’d get hysterical if your reproductive organs were removed too!

15. C- Only Lollypop cannot be found in a dictionary as a correct name

16. A- Boys have more testosterone and girls have more estrogen, but each gets both

17. C- Squeezing off the pee tube or the sperm tube, this allows one or the other to happen like a switch for train tracks. Removing it = lose self-control for both!

18. D- fluid is created to kill off the weak sperm and add lubrication. Nipple hardening is like getting goose bumps, you just can’t help it.

19. A- breaking the ‘hymen’ skin flap or rubbing the before unused vaginal walls can cause bleeding for a girl

20. C- A girl may want a sponge bath, but it’s not a commonly used expression

21. D- Ovaries create girl’s eggs and balls create guy’s sperm. Her clit is her most sensitive pleasure-part that causes orgasm, so is the tip of his penis.

22. A- most girls start their periods around age 12 and hit menopause around 50.

23. C- Cauliflower is a veggie and a wrestling ear injury term.

24. B- One of the people having sex is legally old enough (18) and one is not old enough.

25. D- a sex toy that is made to penetrate an opening like a penis

26. C- the number is rib cage size. The letter is how big around the breast cup is.

27. D- Literally a ‘one shot’ protection, they can never be reused.

28. C- Sorry. Doesn’t mean a thing. But his shoe size IS also his ring size.

29. D- A girl’s feet size indicate the size of pelvic opening. Small feet = small hips.

30. C- It takes two weeks for a build up of chemicals to confirm pregnancy. A blood test might tell a few days sooner.

31. A- It takes three months for most contracted diseases to show symptoms. Testing should be this often.

32. D- The pulsating of your body are the muscles contracting, the pleasure you feel are chemicals in your brain.

33. A- Creating babies, creating emotional ties and keeping the body hormones balanced

34. C- Using one’s mouth on a guy’s penis and surrounding areas to give pleasure and possibly make him climax.

35. B- Sensual interaction that arouses and sets the “mood” to have and enjoy sex

36. C- typically known for guys, but becoming sexually aroused, often staying in that state of arousal for a while, and then not getting to climax.

37. B- a long name for one using their mouth to orally pleasure a woman’s sensitive areas between the legs and possibly bring to climax

38. D- smell is the quickest way to arousal and the quickest turn off

39. B- you are what you eat, sweet food makes your fluids taste better, sour, bitter or strong flavored food also change a person’s fluid tastes.

40. C- hair in funky places is ‘grosser’ to a girl than any of the others

41. D- inducing a ‘happy feelings’ chemical balance in the body, releasing stress, aids in relaxation and does in fact lengthen your lifespan.

42. B- physical contact with the genitals with hands or mouth

43. C- simultaneous oral sex, both pleasing and being pleased.

44. A- tasty sounding but peaches and cream are not the typical body toppings.

45. B- airplanes, dressing rooms and outdoor daylight exposure present the biggest challenges and greatest risk for being caught= most adventurous

46. D- The fact it’s completely undetectable is part of what makes it so dangerous

47. A- a guy who cannot ‘achieve erection’ or keep himself hard long enough to have sex or climax.

48. B- can wreck havoc on a male’s junk- everything from deformed sperm to not enough sperm to make babies, to not getting it hard to shrinking testicles

49. D- Water isn’t slippery, spit can have germs in it, olive oil stains cloth and can put holes in condoms, silicone based lube is considered the safest.

50. A- Currently there is no cure for AIDS, Hepatitis or HPV and all three cause eventual death related complications.

How did you do??

Less than 20 Correct
Wow. You are too young or too immature to be having sex. You need to wait a few years and do a LOT of Sex Education homework! Google is your new best friend!! Until then DO NOT under any circumstances have sex with anyone! Your ignorance is a danger to yourself and the entire planet! Go get a chastity belt. NOW!

20- 30 Correct
Eh. You have a basic understanding of the whole sex process but you should NOT be having sex with anyone! It's scary to think how many people like you are going around having sex and thinking you know what you're doing! Go back over the ones you got wrong and find out what is REALLY going on. Chances are you'll not only be more comfortable with people of the opposite sex- you'll understand yourself better too! Until then, you are not a safe person to be having sex. Education is critical!

31- 45 Correct
Hmm. There is still much to be learned but at least you are somewhat informed. Keep doing your Sex Ed homework. Until then- NO sex! Seriously. People who are confident but really don't know enough of anything, are often more dangerous than people who know they don't know anything! Get the facts BEFORE you get laid.

46- 49 Correct
Good job! Since you have a pretty general knowledge of sex, you are probably pretty intune with your body and that of your partner. You're probably also not ashamed to admit you don't know everything and hopefully know that you have more to learn and are actively learning (and not just from practice!) Friends don't have the answers though. Facts from trusted sources are what will keep you safe and happy. But you already know that!

50 Correct
You either cheated or you are a sex Guru! You are probably a safe and good partner because you are informed and have common sense. Continue to get information and to use that information and good sense to be safe, and considerate to your partner. Enjoy! (One word of advice: Don't partner up with anyone who scored less than 46!)

My New $$ Creed to Live By

I've been reading a book called "The Richest Man in Babylon" (a recommendation by a friend) and have come up with a new creed for myself that I've typed up, printed out and have hanging in various places in my house so I'll read it all the time. I'm sharing it here ('cause I'm cool like that) and wish luck to anyone who decides to apply it to their own lives.

$BUILD WEALTH TODAY!$

Put 10% of Income Into Savings Account

Budget to Spend Less Than I Earn

Sell Off/ Eliminate Excesses I Don't Need

Invest Savings to Generate Interest

Obtain Wisdom From the Successful in

Their Areas of Expertise

Pay Off All Debts
(Credit cards, Student loans, House, Car, etc.)

Provide for Retirement and Children
(Savings, Will)

Study, Increase Skills and Wisdom

Take A Chance, Be Bold and Confident

Keep Goals Simple and Definite!

What do you desire??

GO AFTER IT!!!!!

[MySpace Posted Friday, February 8, 2008]

May 5th, My Personal Day of Independence and Victory

May 5, 2008

Today, the 5th of May, is a holiday for Mexico; and many observe it here in America. It is a day of celebrating victory and fighting for independence.

And it's also my own, personal holiday.

One year ago today I became single.

After a nine-year marriage, it was at first a strange and unusual thing to strike out on my own. I lived with (grand) parents until getting married at the age of 19, and then shared the household responsibilities while married. This has been the first time I've ever lived as the solo reigning adult of a house. The hierarchy has become: God (if you believe in that), the USA government, Me. And I like that *a lot*.

As of May 5th last year, I became no longer a "collaboration" requiring compromise on every subject from finances to recreation and every minute detail in-between. This year has provided an opportunity for me to prove that I can make it as a single working mom on my own. I have now a new appreciation for independence and additional value in knowing how to be self-reliant. I've gained both the maturity of a new phase of adulthood, and yet also regained jubilant freedom of youthful optimism and hope. Each day feels like an open door for opportunity, excitement and adventure. Also, unlike as a teenager, I now know who I am, what I want and what I am capable of offering.

I love being single. I love meeting new people and learning what makes others tick, what their lives have been like and learning what wisdom and skills they can teach me. I am absolutely happy with my arrangement and will not be looking to "settle down" any time soon.

It's not about "meeting the right person". I believe a person doesn't "need" a "soul mate" to "complete them". I believe a person needs to be an independent individual, standing on their own two feet, taking care of their own life's business and being enough on their own, before they can or should invite anyone to share their life with. And for me, I have been, and will continue to relish this time of just being me. I am thrilled to be using this point of my life to focus on what I want: my goals, my ambitions, my interests.

It's also appropriate that today is the one-year mark for my being a gun owner. Freedom and the ability to defend that are intrinsically entwined. You cannot have the first without the second. I am grateful to those who have helped me learn to dismantle, clean, properly aim and shoot my gun. I appreciate those who have allowed me to use their weapons to hone my shooting skills. I have definitely developed a love for shooting and the value of that skill. It's something I intend to perfect for the rest of my life.

Life is a wonderful and amazing thing. This year, tumultuous though it's been, has brought great challenges, great opportunities and a plethora of great friends. Call it blessed or just truly fortunate, I have had the pleasure of getting to know and spend time with some really wonderful people. Thank you.

I also need to acknowledge some irreplaceable friends who have been in my corner for over a decade now and I am eternally grateful to count them as kindred spirits in my chosen family. They continue to be a wonderful example and remind me perpetually to be honest and genuine. I wouldn't be the same person without having known them. It's been a comfort to know that there are some people who are prepared to make the journey of life along side you, even if they are on varied and separate paths.

I've also made some treasured connections in this last year with family members who I haven't talked to in years, including several siblings I haven't seen in nearly a decade. And of course there are my grandparents and my sister who have been my springboard for some of my biggest 'life lesson' experience.

Not having any family living less than 1,500 miles away has been sometimes disheartening for me, so it's great to be able to interact and connect via other mediums. We all need some variation of "family", no matter how independent we may successfully be. I'm glad I have a new opportunity to bond with mine, even if we are geographically challenged.

To everyone who have sent me smile evoking comments, written me letters, indulged me with long phone conversations, and spent time together in person- you have helped restore some faith in humanity. Helped me see the goodness, the generosity and the altruistic kindness that people are capable of. You have helped make this year, honestly- the best year I've ever had.

I feel as though I'm standing at the beginning of an exhilarating adventure. And I can hardly wait.

Girls Just Wanna Buy Guns

Gun Sales up 8-10 % in '08.
http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmNic25ld3MuY29tL3N0b3JpZXMvMjAwOC8xMC8yNy9wb2xpdGljcy93YXNoaW5ndG9ucG9zdC9tYWluNDU0NzU2NC5zaHRtbA==

In light of some things I've heard and read about this coming election, *just in case* there are any changes made to the current gun laws, I decided to forgo a few other things to do with my money and drop a bit on a new gun this week. I've had my 9mm Glock 19 since May of '07 and now seemed like a good time to pick up a .45.

I did my homework online and decided since I would be practicing to compete and probably competing with this next piece, I wanted quality. You generally get what you pay for, and if a slightly higher price tag means greater accuracy measured even in millimeters, that could be the deciding factor between winning and losing. Besides unlike vehicles and jewelry, guns don't really lose their value.

I discovered that competing is typically done with 1911s and depending on what reviews page I read, the top three choices were: Kimber, Smith & Weston and Springfield. Having shot something from each brand name before, I was pretty comfortable accepting those to be the reigning champs. The Colt also had a strong following but I don't think I've shot anything made by them. I've shot a Taurus but wasn't particularly impressed with it and while I've had some good experiences with Berettas, I'm not as fond of the look of it as some of the other guns. I find I prefer my guns, like I prefer cars and motorcycles: sophisticated, sleek, black and chrome.

After work I went to A & P Arms off Lynnhaven where I have a membership to talk to the staff, possibly try out a few guns, deliberate and then decide later this week what to get. Monday is typically one of their slower days, which makes it perfect for more individual customer service and random conversation. My friends there (I guess I should call them "the employees") always take good care of me. Last night was no exception.

The opening conversation went something to the effect of:

Guy behind the counter named Joe: "Hey girl. Goood to see ya. Did you come here to shoot, buy or flirt?"
Me smiling: "Possibly all three."
Joe grinning back: "That's what I like to hear."

Although they didn't have any of the higher end 1911s that you could lease to try out, and I'd shot their available 1911 the last time I was there, Joe showed me four or five pistols for sale, which I examined for comfort, weight, ease of use, ease of reloading, any special features and appearance.

While I went there expecting to love the Kimber, ultimately I decided it was a bit top heavy which would eventually cause the nose to dip when my arm got tired. I didn't care for the feel of the S&W in my hand, and I worked my way though the others in a similar fashion.

The Springfield was my final choice. The weight seemed to rest in my hand rather than at the gun's nose; it was a comfortable fit. I liked the single action/double action option, the night sights, the beaver tailed grip safety that protects against hammer bite and the fact that the 8 (not 7) round magazine housing is beveled to slide in easily and eject completely for faster loading. I wasn't crazy about the plastic grips, but I should be able to replace those for under $20.

The gun comes with a locking case, three magazines, a plastic holster (Joe recommended buying a leather one) and a magazine caddy for the two extra magazines. The gun also has a key you can lock the hammer with.

I wasn't expecting to just walk in and pick out a gun to buy in under 40 minutes since I'd only just decided to buy a second weapon the day before yesterday! But as Joe said he "wouldn't be much good at [his] job", if he couldn't help the customers that way.

I had him show me how to "field strip" the gun. I'd dismantled and put back together a 1911 before, but it wasn't a Springfield and it was several months ago. (I found a video online that shows you how.) http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LnlvdXR1YmUuY29tL3dhdGNoP3Y9TnlMXzliU05LSlk=
As I get into competing, I'll probably end up making some modification to this gun. And I'm certain this will be just the second of many guns I'll purchase. I'm already thinking of getting a .22 next since that is another gun used for competing. Guess I'll make that a '09 present to myself. :)

Oh, and next month I'm getting my concealed weapon permit. Given how closely my clothing usually fits me my biggest problem will be figuring out what to wear that I can hide a piece under! Winter may not be too much of a problem, but summer? My sundresses or pocket-less Capri's and a tank top with sandals hardly cover me, much less something approximately the size of one of my shoes! I guess that means I'll need to buy something tiny. (Maybe I'll buy two guns next year?!)

This is awesome! Kahr Mk40 http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LnNlZWNhbXAuY29tL0xXU0NoZXJyeVBob25lLmpwZw==

This P32 is pretty sweet too~ http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmEtaHVtYW4tcmlnaHQuY29tL3AzMi9wZXJmb3JtYW5jZS5odG1s
Incidentally, the particular Springfield that I picked out was the only one A &P Arms had. So if you go there looking for it, you won't find it. Sorry~ It's already mine!

Additional Reading:

Review and story of his Springfields by Ssgt Mark. D. Littlejohn http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LnNpZ2h0bTE5MTEuY29tL2xpYi9yZXZpZXcvdHdvX3NhLmh0bQ==

What is Wrong With Some People??

A buddy of mine posted a blog about a female friend of his who's boyfriend is a loser but she stays with him. I have heard this story often enough that rather than just post this for him, I decided to make this my own blog entry, however it is more or less a letter of consolation to this friend.

LOTS of people (not just girls, some guys) for some bazaar reason are attracted to selfish, scummy, lowlife losers who abuse, manipulate and never intend to change.

I can only speculate on what causes people to be attracted to that. I guess some people are just drawn to the whole "victim" role and "soap opera" lifestyle. Some people really do crave drama even if it adds problems and anxiety to their lives. I can almost guarantee you 100% that everyone who reads this blog either has a friend or family member or knows someone who is like your friend.

And even when these drama-loving people get out of a bad relationship (which usually takes years of "are-you-freakin-kidding-me?? horror stories) they generally just find another scumbag just like the last one.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to change these people or get them to see the error of their ways. As illogical and dumb as it sounds, people have the right to be as miserable as they want to be. They may even adamantly deny wanting to be miserable, but by their actions and choices they are clearly in the driver seat of their own "highway to hell and suffering" vehicle, and they're speeding down dangerous roads to nowhere any sane person would want to be.

The best you can do is keep an emotional distance, offer them help if they really need it, but for your own sanity- refuse to take on the role of therapist for them. They'll happily tuck you into the backseat of their god-forsaken drama filled roller coaster life and drag you along every painful bump and turn. Save yourself!!! You cannot get someone off a path of their own creation. THEY have to want and implement those changes on their own.

Unless or until that day, they'll just stress the hell outta you while they star in their own self-made tragedy and eagerly ask for reviews of their performance and the villain's audacious role, secretly thrilled in how their "larger than life", emotionally challenging "real world" life sounds when they dish out every last gruesome and shocking detail to whichever unfortunate souls have to be audience to their lives.

Try not to stress about it too much. YOUR being stressed out doesn't change your friend or her situation and it'll just make your life more challenging. You don't need that! You can only be in charge of and responsible for your own life. Stay focused on that and remember there are always bad things going on in the world to millions of people, but if you let that get you down, you'll always be unhappy.

Live your life for YOU, and let other people live their own lives the way they want. Your life is about making YOU happy, sane and satisfied first, or you'll never be in any position to help anyone else!

Trust me, I have a slightly younger female friend who would certainly have made ME go prematurely gray and become addicted to Prozac if I let her! When it gets to be too much, just politely ask to not get updates for a while, and you can go contently back to your own more mundane life with a suddenly delightful amount of gratitude!!

[MySpace Posted Friday, February 22, 2008]

Life, Death and Fear

Something about the Spring, the rebirth of a world that's slowly flourishing into new growth and full bloom after a chilly, bare hibernation- tentatively emerging like a reticent but radiant butterfly from a dark and crusty cocoon- makes you contemplate life and death, joys and fears.

Everyone is afraid of something. Some fears are rational; some are irrational. Fears of heights, spiders, close spaces, germs, the dark and lightening storms are some of the fears that many people are aware they have and willing to admit to.

But there is another fear, one that is much more personal and fundamental, and it's the one common fear every human shares. Whether it's acknowledged or not, from the moment we are born, to the moment before we depart from a state of "living" we all live tormented by this one single fear above and beyond all others.

It's the fear of being completely forgotten.

While some people enjoy their "personal space" to the extent that they might be considered by their more social counterparts as a "recluse", a "hermit" or just plain "anti-social", the fact is, no one wants to have lived and died and have no one morn them, no one remember them and no one care that they ever existed.

Humans are by nature pack animals. We live in groups. We travel in groups. We pair off and often reproduce to create a living assurance that our genetic code- a strain of our physical characteristics and personality- will remain after we have passed on to whatever comes after we die. We arrange events and activities to interact with people we've never met and those we've known for many years.

Holidays celebrate the 'coming together' of people. Indeed, nearly every event and holiday around the world is designed to gather large or small groups of people together, and typically, in some way, to cast remembrance on those who have lived and died before us, as well as marking and rejoicing in our own birth and life.

In some cultures, honoring or even worshiping ones ancestors is a way of life. Most cultures pass down history books, oral historical stories or pictorial displays of past generations. In ancient and modern times those in positions of power have often erected statues, monuments or elaborate shines to themselves, in a sort of reassurance that the future will know they left their mark upon this earth.

One of the last "Seven Wonders of the World": The Pyramids- an undertaking of incredible magnitude- were made from the blood, sweat, death and taxed hundreds of millions of people- partly in the honor of "gods", but realistically, in the memory and glory of the pharaohs or rulers who oversaw their creation.

People who played significant roles in documented human history have had busts mass-produced in their likeness; enormous life-like paintings have been painstakingly created and preserved at the cost of other's lives; buildings, streets, structures, weapons, tools, scientific discoveries, astrological wonders, forms of transportation and geographical locations have all been named after them. Whole religions are based upon the life and thought processes of those who have died centuries ago.

Chances are your first or middle name (and certainly your last name) is the same as one of your ancestors- recent or distant, it's still a nod to the past people who breathed the air around us, touched the landscape in which we dwell, and then fertilized the earth we walk on with their remains.

Most people don't enjoy living alone for long. They get room-mates; leap frog from one relationship to another; invite family or friends to stay with them or have children.

Some parents, even after their child have reached adulthood, try to tempt their children to remain at home- perhaps largely because they are afraid their child will become busy with their own life and the parent will lose that role of "needed nurturer and authority figure". They're afraid their child will fly from the nest and forget about them.

Some people help fulfill this need for companionship by acquiring pets- other creatures they can bestow love and attention upon, and by varying degree receive love and attention from.

Be it a persistent front and center worry, or a nagging thought that sneaks out in the quiet dark of night to send tremors of periodic anxiety, somewhere there is a latent worry about living the last few years of their lives: sick, lonely and forgotten. No one to call them or check on them to make sure their basic needs are being met. No one to send them mail, to celebrate the changing of the seasons with. To talk to and laugh with. To share life with.

We all ache to bask in the glow of affection, enjoy the comforts of companionship and to feel needed and wanted by others. Everyone wants to share their own version of what it is to be alive, with others; to have their feelings, thoughts and desires validated and reciprocated. We all want to be challenged, inspired and touched by others.

Physical touch is actually something that people cannot live without. Our bodies were designed to enjoy the sensations of things- including another person's skin- interacting with the millions of neurological sensors covering every square inch of our skin.

Studies have shown that babies in orphanages and hospitals (typically in less developed countries) who went for prolonged periods of time without being touched and physically interacted with by another person were not as healthy, did not grow up to be as intelligent or as comfortable socially, and in some cases died as infants from "unexplainable reasons" (often chalked up as SIDS- Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).

From phones, letters, pagers, fax machines, the Internet, emails, journals, messenger pigeons, Morse code (named after it's creator Samuel F. B. Morse), bulletin boards, newpapers, fliers, books, magazines, bill boards, and a multitude of other methods, we are all reaching out to others. Wanting to be acknowlenged. Accepted. Wanted. We all want to blend into the crowd sometimes, and other times to stand out.

We all want to be a part of this social, constantly changing world around us- surrounded by people who support and care about us. People who we feel we can influence, help, benefit and develop lasting ties with. People who will nurture us when we're troubled; comfort for us when we're ill; celebrate with us when we're joyful; and remember us when we've died.

Then, we don't have to be as afraid of the unknown called death, and we can more fully appreciate the wonder of life.

[MySpace Posted Tuesday, April 22, 2008]

So I Met Brett Favre Last Weekend…

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I was actually only passing by Keagans Irish Pub at the New Town Center off Virginia Beach Blvd. Friday night after going to a farewell for a military friend, and decided to stop in. I frequently go to clubs and bars by myself. I usually don't have trouble finding someone to talk to and I enjoy people watching. I planned to just duck in and out again.

I drank water, talked to a few people and took a few walks around the bar. There didn't seem to be any unusual commotion going on inside, and the distribution of people was about how it always was, so I didn't think there was anyone special in the room.

Around 1:45 a.m. I decided to leave. I was walking outside when a guy standing outside the entrance (I assumed maybe worked there) asked me why I was leaving alone. I said I arrived alone and was going home. He said it was too early to be going home and that I shouldn't be leaving alone.

Another guy, (an employee?) came out telling the other guy standing outside that Brett Favre was inside, and did he know that? The third guy seemed interested and surprised saying he hadn't seen him in there.

I asked "Who is that?"

They all turned to me amazement and said, "You don't know who Brett Favre is??"

"No. Should I?"

Apparently that was the wrong response. They gave me a lot of crap for confessing I didn't have a clue, but didn't say WHO he was or WHY I should know him. I started to wonder if this Brett Favre was just one of their buddies and they were just messing with me. This wouldn't have been a stretch of the imagination because the guy who said I shouldn't be leaving yet kept trying to touch me, grab my arm, etc. and it was starting to tick me off.

Finally one of the guys asked: "Well do you know who Steve Young is? Or Joe Montana?"

I admitted that I did, but I was raised in a Mormon family and so of course I knew who Steve Young is. He's very open about his membership to the church and is well known throughout the church. I wasn't really sure why I knew who Joe Montana was. I think he went to some event that I attended back in California when I was younger. At least then I knew this Brett guy was a football player! I'd heard of the Green Bay Packers, but didn't know any of their players.

I was starting to feel a bit silly at their amazement, but also defensive because well why should I know who any football player is when I've really had nothing to do with football my entire life- and have no family members who watch football or who are loyal football fans- of ANY team??

It was time for Last Call, so I decided to hang around and see the supposed celebrity as he left- just so next time I would not feel dumb by not knowing this 'sport legend'.

After a stream of people left, out walked this tall, somewhat broad, pleasant looking guy with a bit of facial hair and who's full head of hair was turning salt n pepper. A group of people on the corner clapped, shook his hand and congratulated him; got a picture or a signature while he smiled and indulged their enthusiasm.

Recognizing now that this was not some joke, and this guy really was well-known, I felt a bit sheepish.

I've heard reference to many sports figures, but unless the names have a reason to stick with me, I don't remember them. I can probably count on two hands the number of times I've ever watched any televised football, for any reason.

Satisfied that this was legit I turned to head back to my car when all of a sudden I heard:

"Hey Brett, there's this girl you've gotta meet~!" "She doesn't know who you are!" "She's never even heard of you!"

Then I was really embarrassed. Thanks guys for making me sound like a foreigner in my own country!

We shook hands while I apologized profusely and launched into my explanation that I was raised by quiet Utah Mormon grandparents and never lived in a house that watched ANY kind of sports.

"Not football, basketball, baseball, tennis, golf…"

He jumped in at this point and asked with a chuckle "Bowling?"

"Nooo.. not even bowling... or polo."

He shook his head with a smile at that last one and said he wasn't offended that I didn't know about him. But it had to have been a huge change for him to be talking to a grown American woman who had no idea he existed!

I'd left my phone in my car, so getting a photo was out of the question. Neither one of us had paper or pen, so asking for an autograph seemed pointless too. The buddies he came with were talking to a few girls and couples out in front of the place, which gave us the chance to talk a bit longer.

I mentioned that I was having laser hair removal done (underarms, legs, etc.) and Brett said he'd had the area around his neck done years ago and wanted to know if the procedure is the same.

He said he was retired, but was thinking about getting back into the game. I got the feeling he found retirement rather boring.

During our conversation, I kept moving to stand behind him or the other side of him because the one guy kept trying to touch me, take my arm, touch my clothes. Then he'd turn around to pull up the pant leg of some other girl to look at her shoes. At least I wasn't the only recipient of his unsolicited attention.

So that's when a few people were walking down the street and suddenly that irritating guy was behind me and brushed against the back side of me - I told Brett I was about ready to kick his friend's ass. Brett laughed and explained to his touchy feely friend that I didn't appreciate his advances, but the guy never seemed to get it. I don't know if he was imbibed, persistent or both.

I think I amused Brett. And since I was not all in awe of him like the other people, I talked to and joked with him with the same casual friendliness I would have, if his job were as a janitor at an Elementary school, and he'd never done a noteworthy thing in his life. That was possibly a nice change for him. Either way, our conversation held his attention for close to forty minutes.

I proceeded to ask him a bunch of questions ("So do you live around here?") he's probably not had to answer- ever- because his life story is all over the internet, on the book shelves and magazine racks and he has a line of memorabilia that people have been collecting for over a decade.

It was about 2:30 a.m. when his buddies were halfway walking to the parking garage and it was just he and I standing out still by my car (having gotten there so late, I scored a parking spot just outside the door) talking.

I asked- had to- if he had a Myspace page. He laughed and said no. Before saying good night he offered a hug asking if I'd want to kick his ass too since I hadn't like the other guy touching me. I smiled and told him it was fine since HE at least hadn't been trying to molest me all night.

It's a shame we won't be able to talk again. He was really easy to talk to.

After getting home, I of course, Googled him.

http://www.brettfavre.com/main.php

http://www.nfl.com/players/profile?id=FAV540222

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brett_Favre

After the overwhelming amount of info out there about him, I felt a twinge silly again for not remembering having ever heard of him.

It was really interesting to be able to read all about him, his past failures and successes, his wife and children (I'd assumed he had those, MUST have those, although we hadn't talk about them), and injuries, addictions and charity foundations.

Too bad he doesn't have a Myspace page. We'd definitely be friends.

F’ing MAN UP

Ahh.. The summer is winding down. The warm season coming to a close and if you're like me it's time for 'round two' of a necessary yearly routine.

It's time to do a little closet cleaning. Mental, emotional AND actual closet cleaning. A verbal self-bashing always does the trick for me.

I've been disappointing myself a lot lately and feel the need to give myself a pep talk. This conversation is more a dialogue with myself than anything else, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to share it.

First and foremost, YOU are responsible for YOUR OWN happiness. NO ONE else is responsible for your satisfaction, joy or success. If you are not happy with your life, it is YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT!

I have a tendency to allow other people to place demands on me and then feel frustrated and dissatisfied with myself if I fail to live up to their expectations.

Fuck that.

This is MY life. And I only get one shot at it. I need to do WHAT I NEED to be satisfied with myself. If I can look myself in the eye every morning and like what I see, like who I am- THAT is the most important thing. People come and go from your life. You are stuck with yourself for the entirety of your life.

If you don't like who you are- no one and nothing else matters!!! You cannot love and care about anyone else if you do not love and care about yourself.

Don't try to blame unhappiness with yourself or your life on your job, the other people in your life, situations or anything else. YOU decided to TAKE that job, YOU decided to KEEP that job; YOU decided to LET those people into your life, YOU decided to KEEP those people in your life. Some, even many situations are beyond your control to prevent. BUT how you respond to them will determine your happiness. STOP trying to pass the buck.

                                              F'ing MAN UP and accept accountability!

Cause an effect are at work here. PUT in the effort- GET out the results. If you're not getting the results you want, modify the kind or amount of effort you're putting in. If you're not happy with your situation: CHANGE IT. Don't bitch about it, cry about it or pout. Get off your ass and DO SOMETHING about it!!!

I find myself quoting my grandma more and more as I realize how the influential the little sayings she was always spouting off to me when growing up- are fundamentally true and worthy of daily reminders.

"DO what you have to do, WHEN it has to be done, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT."

I am honestly sick and tired of getting in my own way. I do it all the time and it's really been pissing me off. I need to STOP procrastinating stuff and just DO what needs to be done!

You are always doing one of two things in life. Making excuses why you CAN do something, or making excuses why you CAN'T.

I need to STOP making excuses about why I haven't accomplished things and just DO it! NO EXCUSES! Excuses are counter-productive. They accomplish nothing. They improve nothing. They change NOTHING! STOP creating excuses and START creating results!

I find my surroundings affect me more than I realize, and more than I like to admit. But having recognized this is power. It gives me the information I need to make my surroundings the kind that will provide the environment I need to flourish, improve and get the desired results.

Get rid of the clutter.

A cluttered living space and a cluttered working space equals a cluttered mind and a whole crap load of low level stress like a constant irritating humming noise in the back of your mind. GET THE CRAP GONE.

If you don't need it or want it- sell it, donate it, giving it away, throw it away, but eliminate it from your life!! For the stuff you DO need and want: Create a home for everything, and keep everything in it's home!

I have certain areas of my home and vehicle that collect crap like a dead animal collects scavenger insects. I need to….no- 'need to' is too passive…a more aggressively pro-active term is necessary: I WILL stop putting those things in those 'crap collecting' places and put them where they belong. Just create a home for it and then put it away! If you cannot find a home for it- maybe you really don't need it.

Empty space provides balance to those areas that are occupied. Just because a surface that I don't typically use doesn't have anything on it… does not mean I should cover it up with crap!

I am convinced that achieving balance in ones life is the great challenge of life, but the key to happiness.

Balance is the medium ground. The 'moderation in all things' factor. It's the not becoming too consumed by any one thing or allowing yourself to neglect some things all together. A little bit of this, a little bit of that… It is the correct proportions and combination of ingredients that cause something to become a masterpiece or a total disaster.

Getting rid of the clutter sometimes includes people. People who are by nature negative, perpetually angry, bitter, cynical or selfish are damaging to your life. Purge them from your life like a hive of wasps. They will only agitate you and cause you pain and frustration.

If they are not improving the quality of your life by being ambitions, cheerful and motivated in their own life- they will bring you down. And you don't need that. It doesn't matter if they are family or long term friends or people you're in a relationship with. If they generate negativity in their lives- CUT THEM LOOSE! The sooner the better.

"Good, Better, Best. Good, Better, Best. Never let it rest, until the Good becomes Better and the Better becomes Best!"

Like water, nothing remains the same. Everything is in a perpetual state of changing. If it's not flowing, it's stagnating. And stagnating water stinks. Everything can be improved. Everything can be better.

Don't be satisfied with mediocre. Don't become complacent. Get what you want from this life by continually improving everything in your path. It's the seekers and the people who aren't content with average who stumble upon the great joys, beauties and improvements in life.

Slow and steady wins the race. I often want to just devote a sudden burst of energy and enthusiasm on a given task or activity and magically become proficient at it, suddenly achieve success in it. But life doesn't work that way. Explosives may blast the heck out of something, but all you're left with is shards of whatever it was and fragments of what it could have become. Slow, steady and consistent effort is what polishes a stone into a diamond and moves a mountain.

I am by nature a multi-tasker. I like to get more than one thing done at the same time, the more the better. Sometimes that needs to be improving my mood while doing boring or unpleasant tasks. That can often happen by having a satisfying human connection. I like people. I like talking to them. There is not enough time in life to socialize outside my home with people as often as I like and still get things done around my home that need to be done. I have found that wearing my phone headset and talking to a friend or family member while I clean kills two birds with one stone.

I have done everything from fold laundry to scrubbing the bathtub, to organizing my garage, to pulling weeds- all while discussing politics, commenting on books and movies or relating childhood experiences with people I care about. It's amazing how I can whittle away my "to do" list while pondering ideas and laughing about nonsense and it all feels that much more satisfying and effortless.

"Be pretty if you are, be clever if you can, but be cheerful if it kills you."

Studies show that faking a smile, will actually improve your mood. If you maintain your facial features in a smile long enough, it will relax into a real smile and release feel good hormones into your brain. No prescription required.

Sometimes I remind myself to grin the entire time I'm doing an activity, just to hurry the process. I could care less if I look ridiculous while grinning and mowing my lawn or washing my car. I'm okay with my neighbors and random people driving down my street thinking I'm a little bit crazy. Better to be thought of as a happy, slightly crazy person then a grumpy, cynical one!

GET SLEEP. This is a big problem for me. It affects my performance in every aspect of my life. It affects my mood. It affects my motivation. It affects everything. I will STOP making excuses about not getting sleep. I WILL STOP saying "I can sleep when I'm dead."

There are apparently some hormones that can be released in the body ONLY when you are sleep. Studies also show that babies and children have the majority of their sleep REM or dream sleep and the older you get (possibly because after childhood people start sleeping about half as long) the less REM sleep you get. REM sleep is tied to the ability to heal quickly, be emotionally stable (it's when your mind processed all the stress and activities you did in your day and life) and look and feel youthful. People who do not get adequate sleep throughout their lives age faster and die sooner! People who take regular naps tend to look younger long and live longer!

I will START getting rest!

Last summer I did this thing where one weekend a month, on a day I had no obligations and no one needing my attention, I'd put black out curtains on my bedroom window, turn off all my phones, turn a noise damper fan on in my bedroom and then take a sleeping aid pill around 5 p.m. I'd wake up the next day, sometimes as early as 6 a.m.- sometimes as late as noon… but I'd feel refreshed, rested and highly motivated. Since I sleep an average of 4 hours of sleep a night, it was really helpful in catching me up on rest. I really need to start doing that again. Dangit. I mean: I WILL START doing that again.

You cannot accomplish your goals, if you have none. There is so much I want to do in life. But only I can make it happen. If I want to have experiences, I need to find out what it takes to have them. If I want to make more money, I need to do what it takes to acquire it. If I want a fitter body, I need to make the sacrifices (less junk, more exercise) to make that happen.

Make lists. Long term goals. Short term goals. Daily 'to do lists'. Put events on calendars and keep track of important dates and events. If you don't know what needs to be done or when something happens you'll never accomplish it.

There will always be variables in life. There will always be unexpected things. There will always be obstacles. But that is the beauty of life. Those are the opportunities for achieving greatness.

Challenges are what cause us to modify ourselves and our lives to overcome and obtain our wants and needs. You cannot expect anyone to give you anything in life. You need to go and take it.

You cannot expect situations to go 'just the right way' for you to be lucky. I need to create my own luck, with determination and ingenuity. If you feel you are 'unlucky'- it's your own damn fault!!

Create better karma by doing something positive for yourself and something altruistic for someone else. Listen to uplifting music. Watch happy movies. Read motivational books. Surround yourself with beauty and happy people. START doing random acts of kindness and expect nothing in return! STOP expecting flowers to grow and bloom when you're choosing to live in a cesspool.

Ultimately my life is what I make it. I DECIDE, what my life will be like, who will be part of it, and whether I'll be happy with the choices that I make. I have no one to blame but myself, but I have no one to motivate besides myself. I create my own destiny.

Whew!

I feel better already. :)

[Modified from a MySpace Post Wednesday, August 6, 2008]