This month:
"Why are there so many beautiful women on these dating sites that claim to be single? Its obvious that they can have any man they want. Can you help me find a good woman?"
- Ervin, 38, North Carolina
Ervin,
It sounds like you might be a little confused about the way love and romantic connections work. And possibly you aren't considering what it's like to be a woman looking for a happy and long lasting relationship.
Being attractive may give a person more options and probably more opportunities for booty calls or friends with benefits. But it doesn't mean they're going to easily find someone who has their life together, will treat them the way they want to be treated and value them for qualities beyond just being beautiful. Especially if they are looking for something serious, monogamous, or long term like marriage.
Being a beautiful woman doesn't mean they'll easily find a beautiful man who will be a good match for them. Everyone wants their best match (feeling connected, having common interests, strong chemistry, similar goals, etc.). And despite what you think, those qualities are often more important that just simply having a pretty face and a sexy body. Those are nice too, but people are much more than their looks. And relationships MUST be built on more than physical appearance.
Most people want to find someone who is as attractive as they are, but who are also smart, kind, considerate, successful, loyal and generous. That can be EXTREMELY difficult because some people who are extremely attractive are vain, selfish, lazy in relationships and not faithful.
It sounds like you might be a little confused about the way love and romantic connections work. And possibly you aren't considering what it's like to be a woman looking for a happy and long lasting relationship.
Being attractive may give a person more options and probably more opportunities for booty calls or friends with benefits. But it doesn't mean they're going to easily find someone who has their life together, will treat them the way they want to be treated and value them for qualities beyond just being beautiful. Especially if they are looking for something serious, monogamous, or long term like marriage.
Being a beautiful woman doesn't mean they'll easily find a beautiful man who will be a good match for them. Everyone wants their best match (feeling connected, having common interests, strong chemistry, similar goals, etc.). And despite what you think, those qualities are often more important that just simply having a pretty face and a sexy body. Those are nice too, but people are much more than their looks. And relationships MUST be built on more than physical appearance.
Most people want to find someone who is as attractive as they are, but who are also smart, kind, considerate, successful, loyal and generous. That can be EXTREMELY difficult because some people who are extremely attractive are vain, selfish, lazy in relationships and not faithful.
And many of the really attractive people
who are also sweet and successful, are already in relationships or married.
This is one reason why attractive women often end up with guys who are not in
their league. Because the women decide that choosing someone who will cherish
them and be loyal to them is more important than choosing someone who is very
attractive but doesn't value them and cheats on them.
A
lot of guys tell me that they were very attracted to a girl when they first met.
And then she opened her mouth. The hot girl swore like a sailor, nagged them
constantly, whined and complained about everything and gossiped about everyone
to the point where the guy couldn't find them attractive anymore. They ended up dating or marrying a slightly less attractive girl or less fit girl who actually shared their interests,
appreciated their sense of humor and wanted to make a life with them.
Beauty
eventually fades. Character qualities are usually permanent. Not many guys want
to get hitched to a bitch just because she’s hot.
So you see, you cannot just look at a person’s profile, decide that you think they are universally attractive and assume they either can have anyone they want or that everyone wants them. It's entirely possible that they are there for the same reasons you are: Because you have just not found a person who makes you want to forget everyone else exists, that also feels that way about you.
I’ve checked out your profile. It’s entirely empty! I’m sorry, but I absolutely cannot help someone find anything when they have not taken the time to fill out their profile completely and include several good, current pictures of them self. You have exactly ZERO pictures of yourself. Pictures are the very first thing people look at on a profile. Without them, you really don’t have much of a profile.
So you see, you cannot just look at a person’s profile, decide that you think they are universally attractive and assume they either can have anyone they want or that everyone wants them. It's entirely possible that they are there for the same reasons you are: Because you have just not found a person who makes you want to forget everyone else exists, that also feels that way about you.
I’ve checked out your profile. It’s entirely empty! I’m sorry, but I absolutely cannot help someone find anything when they have not taken the time to fill out their profile completely and include several good, current pictures of them self. You have exactly ZERO pictures of yourself. Pictures are the very first thing people look at on a profile. Without them, you really don’t have much of a profile.
If you want to seriously have results, you have to be serious about
your effort. Why should a smart, attractive woman who is a keeper talk to a guy
who doesn't bother to explain who they are or what they want and also hides how
they look? Short answer: They won’t.
When you really want to have some success with online dating, you know where to start.
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