Show Tough Love- To Yourself

When you think of tough love, often what comes to mind is a parent/child relationship. Or maybe a "boot camp" for a teenager with behavioral issues.

Or you might think of a drug abuser going through rehab.

Wikipedia defines Tough Love as: "an expression used when someone treats another person harshly or sternly with the intent to help them in the long run."

But I like to think of it more in terms of a person being caused to experience or do what is best and healthiest for them, regardless of whether that is what they really think they want.

Typically also you think of it as being something that is "done" to another person, often really against their will.

So how would you show yourself "tough love"?

What Have We Done?

I don't think this woman really hoped her video would get the kind of attention it's gotten.

But it's being passed from email accounts to blackberries to Myspace and back and it really makes you wonder *just* how many people voted for Obama ONLY because they thought like she did: that getting Obama in the White House meant no work and all play for "minorities".



And while we're on the topic, I'd like to address that word.

The Automatic Millionaire

If you've ever thought you could never be wealthy, or never have money, or maybe even never retire...then this is the book for you.

David Bach has written an amazing book. You can see more at David Bach's website.

He shows how even someone on a fixed income who honestly doesn't make anywhere NEAR a six figure income, and still end up rich. And the sooner you start, the better!

After reading "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" I started browsing the financial advice section of my local book store.

There is a very definite change in your perspective and outlook after learning about how creating money and becoming one of the wealthy really works. You can't help but think about life, working and money differently. And once you start thinking the change, and living the change, it's hard to NOT talk about it, share it and write about it.

I've written about smart finances before. Including:

Over 25 and Single?

My New $$ Creed to Live By

Slick Plastic Bondage

Why Women Care What You Drive

Some guys find it very irritating that women seem to like guys better who have a "nice" (aka: expensive) car. These are typically the same guys who do not have a nice car.

"Superficial", "money-hungry", "gold digger" are just some of the terms I've heard guys use to describe these girls.

But there are actually some really good reasons that women care what kind of vehicle you drive.

Let's shift gears for a moment and start with the three basic dating-to-marry expectations that men have for women first:

*Physically Attractive
All guys will agree that they want to date and be with (aka.eventually marry)a woman who has a nice figure, a pretty face and good teeth.

*Intelligent & Not Crazy
Maybe the guy doesn't really want the girl to be that much smarter than him, but most guys with good self-esteem who are looking for a marriage partner and possibly a mother for their children- do not want a girl who basically has a box of rocks instead of a brain. Or one who will turn into a female version of Dr. Jekle and Mr. Hyde.

*Good Wife/ Mother Material
Depending on who you ask, this breaks down somewhat differently. But this usually amounts to: emotionally stable, faithful/ loyal, dedicated and usually good natured/ sweet tempered.


All other characteristics are just bonuses. Sure, you'd like her to be multi-talented, a closet nymphomaniac and wealthy- but you'll be happy if she's just easy to look at, easy to get along with and (at least somewhat) easy to have a family with.

It doesn't seem like a lot to ask.

Unless you are a woman missing a lot of the first category. Then suddenly the GUY is the one who is "superficial", "egotistical" and a "prick". Notice a correlation here?

The primary three things a woman looks for in a guy are:

*A Good Provider
Although we live in a century when women typically have employment even if they are married and have kids, most people agree that the guy is still ultimately the bread winner. This means having a perpetual source of income or the willingness to do what it takes to put a roof over your heads and food in your bellies.

*Good Husband/ Father Material
This hopefully involves no nasty habits like alcoholism or gambling and a willingness to consider having children (when the time is "right"). If the woman is smart this also means the guy doesn't hit women, he has some ability and willingness to do some household chores and has is priorities organized with "family" at the top.

*Physical Attractiveness/ Intelligence
This is really all lumped under the category of "What qualities can he pass on to our children?" which biologically comes before "Is he good arm candy?". It is all somewhat blended together in the subconscious qualities a woman looks for in a man.

Being a good provider ultimately, or eventually reins supreme though. A fit, sexy guy will always be able to get girls, no matter how much of an a-hole he his, but the girls worth keeping eventually wise up to personality over looks.

It's really more about provider over looks though. A guy who has a kinder, gentler personality is often also a better provider, or at least a more generous one. And everyone wants to be with someone who will be generous with them. Maybe he is that way because he feels a need to compensate for his lack of aggressively manly sexiness factor, or maybe there is some other genetic connection.

BUT- everyone knows that girls frequently choose to be with a less attractive guy who has money- then a hot guy who is dirt poor and doesn't care. If you're less attractive AND dirt poor and don't care- you're basically screwed.

Girls are programed to hook up with guys who will take care of them and their offspring. This happens through one of two ways. Money or Looks.

Money is obvious. They can afford living expenses and extra niceties. They can afford food, medicine and a comfortable lifestyle. And who doesn't want those things?

Looks often open doors. Statistically good looking people make more money at their jobs. They have the options for a greater variety of jobs, especially higher paying jobs and get promotions more and free stuff more often. People want to help good looking people- even if there is nothing in it for them. It's just human nature.

Ideally, everyone wants to have both looks and money. And they want those qualities in their mate. And they want their children to inherit those qualities.

It's fun to "hate" them, but if you could wave a magic wand and be born a drop-dead gorgeous person into a wealthy family with your own trust fund- you can't tell me you wouldn't do it!

What's the next best thing to that? Having your offspring -the carrier of your genetic code- have those things.

So what does this have to do with your car?

Well, if you drive a cheap, beat up car- girls are going to believe you are a bad provider.

After all, if you're a smart and ambitious person, you would do what it takes to have nice things. You would be driving a nice car.

Some girls might take a chance on you even if you drive a junker. They are usually the very young girls who are thinking about the present and not the future or the future of their children. But know this: they are hoping or believing that at some point that you will make more money and become a better provider than you are now.
And if or when that day doesn't come...there is a good chance she'll be off looking for a guy who does.

Like your physical face and body- which advertises what genetics you can pass onto the next generation... Your assets, like a house, a car and your personal property (including things like clothing, watches, boats, etc.) advertise what kind of provider you will be for a wife and children.

If you have and like and want nice things- this tells her that with you- she will also have nice things. And that your children together will have nice things. If you drive around in a trashed out junker, the only girls you will attract are ones who are trashed out junkers themselves.

You don't attract bees (smart and ambitious women) or butterflies (attractive and sexy women) with garbage. You attract them and keep them interested with sweet smelling and visually appealing flowers. You have to start with nectar if you want honey.

As a guy, would you want to be with some unattractive girl who is dirt poor and is content to live on welfare? Probably not. You have lots of other options out there- and you're gonna take them!

So why should a smart, attractive girl who has options be with a guy who is scraping the bottom of the "looks" and "provider" barrel? And she's going to reject you, regardless if it's because of poor genetics, laziness or an entire lifetime of "bad luck". Because she also has other options and, yes, she is going to take them.

You don't want to settle, but neither does she. And why should she? What can you offer her that is better than the security of good looks and being a good provider?

It's not necessary to have a brand new car, an expensive watch and six pack abs. HOWEVER those will definitely help. A LOT.

What does matter though is that your car doesn't look like a portable dumpster and you don't dress like you're homeless. Why would you be happy living like that anyway?


And no, having several "fixer-uppers" don't count. Just like a bunch of butt-ugly, stupid girls will never make one smart, attractive girl- a bunch of trashed up cars will never equal one nice one.


The point is that while not everyone can afford a Lotus, and not everyone can look like Brad Pitt, (nor can everyone be a rocket scientist) you should put your best foot forward. And that means if you want to get the girl who is the upgrade... you need to be the guy who is the upgrade.

And IF you are so lucky as to secure the interest and affections of a smart, attractive and sane woman- wouldn't you be ashamed to drive her around in your smelly, trashed up dumpster car? You should be!

More than likely though, she'll have her sights set on a higher standard of living than you are offering and living, and you'll never have that chance anyway.

But if you don't care to put forth the extra effort to attract the bees and butterflies- don't worry- there are LOTS of flies and cockroaches to go around. So, just keep driving that junker.

Sexified & Shunned: Gun Weilding Women

What guy isn't crazy about Laura Croft? She's sexy, smart and kicks ass. But unlike 'tough girls' of the past (think Wonder Woman) females nowadays get more than a rope to kick that ass with.

Unless you're a living breathing human. Then, as a female guys are either scared you'll hurt yourself or someone else shooting a gun, or they're honestly a little intimidated by your finesse, skill and general lack of helplessness.

So what is up with this? Gaming girls, female comic book heroines and cartoon females are sexy and appealing if they can shoot (but also have to have amazing boobs)... where as guys just love to make fun of girls who are afraid or not strong enough to shoot guns in real life.

While there are some guys who genuinely think it's hot when a girl can handle herself with a weapon, and aren't actually intimidated by it (usually because they themselves are pretty confident of their own shooting skills)- they tend to be the minority.

I guess the rest of the guys out there really don't want the reality, they're content to keep smart, competent girls a fantasy: easily controlled and not threatening their manhood.

Pussies.

Getting Over Someone You Loved

It has been said that the end of a relationship is a lot like death. It’s the death of a relationship. The death of a love or the illusion of a love. The process of getting over death is grieving.

Shock. Denial. Distress. Obsession. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Readjusting. Acceptance.

The feelings and reactions following the end of a relationship are pretty much the same if you’re the one being left. The person who chose to end the relationship often goes through many of these feeling too.

While it’s common to want to withdraw from life and human contact or to lash out at other people (who cannot possibly understand what you’re experiencing) what a grieving person really needs is just the opposite.

It might seem easy at first to glorify the person you are no longer with and remember their better qualities and the good times. But in order to curtail the grieving process as soon as possible, you need to dwell on their bad qualities. In fact you should make a list of them.

Writing down all the things about them you disliked or the ways they hurt and offended you will help you see that you can and will be better off without them. Put the list somewhere you will see it daily like on your bathroom mirror or on your refrigerator. Add to it any time you think of something you had forgotten. The goal is not to make you hate them, but to simply remind yourself that they are not perfect and you weren’t always happy with them.

Remove the reminders of them from your life. Take down the pictures of them and throw out or give away anything that might cause you to become sentimental or suddenly burst into tears. If you can’t part with objects or photos (maybe you plan to give to your children with this person someday) at least pack them up and keep them out of sight.

Wedding or promise rings and other mementos that you wear have to go too. Even if you’re not even close to being emotionally ready to move on, you need to alert the world that you are now single. Even if your relationship ended a week ago immediately start referring to them as your “ex”. They and everything about them are now part of your past. Calling them your ex reinforces that to you and everyone you talk with. And NOT constantly saying their name helps too.

If you are staying in the living space you shared with your ex, give your home a light make over. It’s amazing what a new coat of paint, a new set of bed sheets and moving some furniture around can do to make your home feel more like YOUR personal space. Frame a new picture. Buy a potted plant. Hang some new curtains. And your home will be less likely to remind you of past experiences there with your former partner. The more different you can make your living space look, the more quickly you can remind yourself that you are starting a fresh life too.

Take care of yourself. Get a new haircut, buy a new outfit, get a gym membership and start focusing your life more on what makes YOU look and feel good.

Next make a list of all the things you’ve never tried, haven’t done in years or want to do. This could be taking a class, going on a trip or starting a new hobby: whatever you want to do that you’ve been missing out on. Then make a goal to do at least one of them every month. Put this list right next to the list of things you disliked about your ex. Eventually you’ll take down the list about your ex, but you should always remember that you have new and exciting things to do and try in life.

Surround yourself with people. If family and close friends aren’t around or are unavailable find new people. Join a community center. Attend a church. Volunteer for a charity, school or event. Become involved in your neighborhood or participate in a team activity. Despite what you might have thought, you’re never too old to make new friends and network. Host something at your house or get out of your house and create new healthy habits that involve socializing. Talking with and listening to other people while you’re doing something hands on is a great antidote for depression.

When enough time has elapse that you feel your heart is mended enough to share it with someone new, start slow and casual. Dating sites are aplenty. MySpace, Facebook and Twitter are not just for teenagers and can be a great way to find out who is in the area and what their relationship status is without actually having to talk with anyone or paying for membership fees.

When you have found someone or several someone’s you’d like to meet, make sure you’ve talked on the phone several times before meeting in person. Let them know you’re only looking for friends at first and keep your expectations for the person high, but for a potential future relationship with that person low. Meet in public places during the daylight hours and keep in mind that this might end up being nothing more than a single time meeting. Then, try to get out and meet as many people as possible.

Make a goal that no matter how badly you might want a quick fix relationship you WILL NOT get relationship-involved with anyone for at least three months. Six months to a year is better. Your character judgment is faulty after a recent break up and you are vulnerable to people who prey upon those who are hurting and emotionally fragile.

Or if new person this ends up being someone special, you don’t want it to become a condemned “rebound” relationship. Those never last. You are not looking for someone who will make you whole again. You are whole on your own. You’re simply looking for someone who makes you laugh and embellishes your life.

It will take a little time, but soon you’ll find you wake up not to bad memories but to anticipation of a new day.

Nothing can completely erase the fact that someone once occupied a spot in your heart. But time will ease that loss.

Moving on is never easy, but filling your life with new and consuming distractions will allow less time and energy for thinking about or obsessing over that one person who’s no longer in your life.

Make each day count and focus on who YOU are and what YOU want.

Gats & Revolvers: It Doesn't Have To Be a Stand Off

What Rappers Can Learn From Country Singers:

1. Love Your Women.
Pick ONE girl. Be faithful to her. And then LOVE her. Say it. Show it. Don't be ashamed of it.

2. Take Care of Your Children.

3. Show Some Gratitude And American Pride.
It seems like some people are so pissed off about how their ancestors got to America, that they forget (or don't realize) how lucky they are to live here!

4. Give Back To The Community.

5. Showing Emotion Isn't Weakness.

6. Respect Doesn't Require A Bullet Or A Dollar Sign.

7. Love Is NOT Synonymous With Lust.
Anyone who's reached sexual maturity can get aroused. All that means it their body can pro-create. Showing physical desire for someone doesn't mean you care about them.

8. There Is More To Life Than Fighting And Fcking.

9. Character And Honor Aren't Bought, Intimidated or Stolen.
They're EARNED with dedication and a lifetime of hard work. Much like everything else in life. You shouldn't expect anyone to hand them to you and you should be doing things to DESERVE them!

10. YOU Are NOT The Center Of The Universe.

Rappin' Disatisfaction

Rap: Creating a culture of angry, violent, hard, heartless, greedy people?

Or merely reflecting it?

Life is all about perspective. There are a million and one cliche's for it at well.

And you definitely are who you hang out with. You're comprised of ALL you DO and not just what you SAY.

Rap has an undeniable catchy beat. It sucks you in and infuses you with sexy energy.

Sometimes.

But it also paints a vivid picture of self-centeredness, greed, loveless lust and being over all dissatisfied with life.

Leisure Time, Laziness and Motivation to Work

America Today.
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America The Great Depression of 1930's.
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Today Nike Sweatshop in Aisia

Is THIS a "Normal" Woman's Body?

Take a look at this picture.

What are you thinking? How old do you think she is?

Do you think that this is how a "normal" girl should look?

What if I told you she is 20 years old and has never had children?

What if I told you she is a "plus sized" model?

Glamour fashion magazine commissioned this photo for their September issue in an article about feeling comfortable in your skin.

She is rapidly gain notoriety as "The woman on page .194". And getting a ton of approval from Glamour's female readers.

I can't help but think that in the face of enough generations of increasingly fat Americans, we're doing with health and fitness what the gas companies have done to the pump prices.

Ultimately, the end result is not better. I think that by embracing our "larger" selves we are compromising quality of life, taxing our own health and basically lowering our standards.

And personally, while I'm glad she's comfortable in her skin, I can't help but think that if she modified her diet and incorporated more exercise, she'd be even happier and more importantly: be able to live longer in her skin.

Socialized Healthcare Isn't Better

In fact, it's so much worse- it very well could kill you.

Little Girl Jackie Chan

If Jackie Chan were 14, a girl and played a slightly mentally retarded kid, this would be his story.

Yanin Mitananda (aka Jajee Yanin) is absolutely amazing!

I saw the movie "Chocolate" that she stars in.

Oh.

My.

God.

Talk about a tough act to follow!

It's a though a Japanese Romeo and a Juliette from Thailand created an autistic female Bruce Lee child with savant fighting skills.

The movie is even more impressive when you find out at the end that the actress Yanin has no stuntmen for any of the fight scenes. This is ALL her kicking butt in a cold, hard war between mobs story.

And they don't cut any slack for Yanin being a female or a child. Without cables or nets or even a chance to really stop and catch her breath, she takes on sometimes 20 men at a time. In a meat processing factory, an ice making factory and along the railings of a three story building there are a plethora of sharp, dangerous objects to be flung around and slammed into.

And unlike with Hollywood films where at the end of the movie you see the bloopers, at the end of this one you see that with the making of every fight and chase scene someone gets honestly hurt. Gushing blood, bruises, neck braces, and endless ice packs follow. They also show a close up of digging broken glass from Yanin's small hand.

Don't let the child star fool you. This is absolutely not a family movie.

It is worth watching though, if you are at all a fan of martial arts, fight movies or girls that can kill butt even if the plot is only there to give her a reason to fight.

http://www.shadowsonthewall.co.uk/08/f-p.htm

Youtube

This guy is hilarious.

Cash For Clunkers = Debt & Gus Guzzlers

Like many things we are seeing coming out of the White House in the last 8 months, the original idea behind "Cash For Clunkers" idea wasn't bad and probably intended good.

Getting older vehicles off the roads that create tons of pollutions, don't have airbags and are less fuel efficient sounds like a good idea.

But as the expression goes "The Road to Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions."

Maybe that's should include all roads from a specif address in Washington DC.

So far, again like many "result", the data collected about plans flung into action to benefit America- have been censored, limited and incomplete.



But what is evident, is that the vehicles being turned in really aren't that bad, and the ones being bought, are expensive and not much better.

It really looks like this additional "stimulus" idea is ultimately going to do much more harm than good.

Sound familiar?

So much for Obama's promise for a "transparent Government"!

The Smartest Man I Know

A Healthy Attitude About: Money

History Repeating Itself

China has been making the news a lot for very surprising and potentially reeling things.

But with a continent that contains 1,319,175,356 people they can't really do anything small or discrete.

As we saw with the Olympics they have to make an impression. As if they don't have enough population problems on their hands, they've had to quarantine certain areas because of a strain of the Bubonic Plague.

I know. It's the thing of history books. It happened such a long time ago it almost seems like it could have been made up. Something THAT catastrophic couldn't possibly have happened to so many people.

But that's the point.

It's horrible. It's scary. And it's sometimes uncontrollable, but the fact remains: History sometimes repeats itself.

And people who don't study history and learn from the mistakes of others- as individuals, as families, as communities, as nations- are dooming themselves to needlessly repeat mistakes.

Now, I don't know that there is anyway to have prevented this potential epidemic,and I certainly hope it is quickly contained and stopped before anyone else can suffer and die.

But we should certainly pay heed to the past and present and control what we have to make sure they don't become an unfortunate part of our future.

Sucking Your Life Away

Our culture of mindless gaming is draining away youth and ambition.

It's time to fight back!

This Is NOT A Test!

Random Guy Wanting To Chat: Hi. You seem like an (attractive girl with a tight body) fun person. Tee Hee. Wanna chat?

Me: Hmmm. Hi. Your page says you're getting a degree in Kinesiology. I'm not really familiar with that but since you're graduating from college with a degree in it, maybe you can explain what kind of career you can to use that for?

Random Guy Wanting To Chat: Hee hee. You must have liked my pictures! Did I pass the test?

Me:... What test??

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I realize that my perspective on a LOT of things regarding guys was forever changed once I discovered that guys automatically group all girls into one of two categories:

Yes- I'd sleep with her.
or NO- I wouldn't sleep with her.

And I also realize that this is usually (aka. pretty much *always*) decided in the first three seconds that a guy lays eyes on a girl. Note: Eyes. This is strictly about visual appearance here. Even if the visual is in the form of pictures.

And since people usually think other people feel and think the way THEY themselves do, it's not such a leap to figure out that probably guys think if you're talking with them- you'd be willing to *sleep* with them.

But I have to let you in on a secret guys- I can't speak for all women, but NOT all women categorize guys like that. (Actually there are only one, possibly two women I can think of who DO think that way.)

And because of that, I do on occasion FORGET that guys think this way. And I actually forget that they are probably imagining us engaged in certain *activities* rather than engaged in an interesting, humorous or (heaven forbid!) intellectual conversation.

Because after all, we're not talking about hitting a club or a bar or browsing a "Mature Adults" add in Craigslist to pick a one night stand. We're talking about a random typed conversation between two adults who live anywhere between a couple cities to thousands of miles and several time zones away from each other.

*Conversation*

There IS something to be said of conversation- regardless of how unfit or ill suited the other half of the conversation is- for *anything* more!

I firmly believe that everyone knows something that you do not. They have experiences, wisdom, skills, knowledge (or at least curious trivia) that you do not. And if you refuse to talk to someone based upon their unfitness for anything more permanent in your life than a chat- you'll pass up on opportunities for personal growth and potential friends.

Furthermore, I don't care HOW hot a guy is- if he's an ass, conceited, smokes, isn't a decent person or can't carry a conversation in a bucket- I'm never gonna be turned on by him enough to want to shake his hand, much less shag him.

Being good looking is NO guarantee that I'd wanna sleep with you. Some girls may just want a pretty face and/or a hard body to ride, but I want to know I'm with someone who is more than just a breathing male blow-up doll.

And despite my raging libido, sometimes I just really wanna connect with someone on a mental level.

You know. Conversation.

So FYI: If it seems like there is something I might be able to learn from you, or you have the ability to at least help me banish boredom for a while- then yes, I'll talk with you. But do not think for a millisecond that it means you have prayer of us EVER being lip-locked with you between my legs!

A Good Date

It's more than that really. These qualities are those you would find, or hope to find, in a good person.

No Such Thing As "Middle of The Road"

When it comes to religion, politics and personal views, everyone has an opinion.

But that is an important part of free thinking. It's our right of Freedom of Speech.

Using the Four Letter "L" Word

Why Younger Men Like Older Women

Looking for Real Change

There isn't much that the average person can do about the changes needed in government, the economy or in the nation (and it's mentality issues), but there are very real things that you can do to implement change in your own life.

Does Smoking = Less Sex, Romance, Money, Life & Happiness??

As if it's not bad enough that it can kill you:

Smoking could be ruining your love life.

It might be reducing your chances of finding the love of your life.

It may even cut your odds of getting laid.